jzeb2008

This past Saturday I packed my opiate addict husband's belonging (placed them on the front enclosed porch) and asked him to leave.He's hardly home except to sleep anyways. Now (with much crap from his enabling mother and "our"friends for kicking him out) I haven't heard a single word from him since. He's playing another one of his cruel, manipulative addict games;avoiding me. I do not want a divorce(only a legal separation) but he is still my husband and I do not deserve any more punishment that what I've already had to deal with. Why can't he be grown enough to get what he is doing to this family?!?!(I know the answer. His addiction controls him.)When will he EVER hit bottom? He is losing his marriage, his children, a beautiful home.He's already lost his liscense for life and been to prison for 9 months when his daughter was only 2 weeks old (both due to drinking violations)Is there even a bottom for this man?

jerect

they only hit bottom when they are sick and tired of being sick and tired... I think every addicts bottom is different.. for some its prison, some its death, for a friend of mine who is a recovering meth/crack addict he told me his bottom was when using was no longer fun for him anymore and he was sick and tired of living that kind of life..he said it was hell putting down the pipe and that he relapsed several times before he finally stayed clean..

I don't know if EXAH has hit bottom.. he was still using the day our divorce was final and the last I heard he was living in some motel..

take this time that he's avoiding you and start working on yourself.. establish some boundaries, get to some meetings and get you a strong support system.. He is only going to quit when he is ready..

Yogagurl

Hi jzeb,

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. The best advice that I can give you is to focus on yourself and your children. I understand that you are worried and that you are concerned for his well being. I eventually had to ease up on communicating with my husband's enabling family members. Maybe you should do the same? No one KNOWS what you know. No one else sees the behaviour that you see. They don't live with him. So, those who are ignorant to what is really going on behind closed doors will pass judgement and have opinions because they are so far removed from the reality of the situation.

What I have found to be helpful is

1. Seeing a counselor once a week
2. Reading and posting to this site
3. Getting rest and excercise
4. Yoga
5. Zoloft (I have been taking an antidepressant and antianxiety to help with my codependent tendancies)
6. Not talking about it to family members anymore (it is what it is and his family, especially his mother will always take his side of things)


All of these things have managed to tone down the amount that I worry. Additionally, I look forward to the future. I make plans and goals that have nothing to do with my relationship, because I realized that his behavior is out of my control. I focus on my career and my health.

Try reading some spiritual literature as well, if you are a spiritual person. You will find comfort in that.

Some people don't have a bottom. There's nothing that you can do to help them and the hardest part about that fact is the acceptance of it. When you finally accept that, you can let go and you will feel the burdern lifted off you when you do.

I wish you peace and happiness.

Best,
YG

AnvilheadII

Is there even a bottom for this man?

maybe instead of asking that about him, ask yourself if you've had enough. he is seemingly incapable and most certainly unwilling to be the man YOU want him to be. addict, cruel, manipulative, lost license for life, been to prison....that's just the short list. ask yourself why you want more of the same? it's not getting better....with him....is it? i believe you and your children deserve all the wonderful things in life and i just don't see this champ giving you anything but more grief and heartache. said with concern.......