Hi jzeb,
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. The best advice that I can give you is to focus on yourself and your children. I understand that you are worried and that you are concerned for his well being. I eventually had to ease up on communicating with my husband's enabling family members. Maybe you should do the same? No one KNOWS what you know. No one else sees the behaviour that you see. They don't live with him. So, those who are ignorant to what is really going on behind closed doors will pass judgement and have opinions because they are so far removed from the reality of the situation.
What I have found to be helpful is
1. Seeing a counselor once a week
2. Reading and posting to this site
3. Getting rest and excercise
4. Yoga
5. Zoloft (I have been taking an antidepressant and antianxiety to help with my codependent tendancies)
6. Not talking about it to family members anymore (it is what it is and his family, especially his mother will always take his side of things)
All of these things have managed to tone down the amount that I worry. Additionally, I look forward to the future. I make plans and goals that have nothing to do with my relationship, because I realized that his behavior is out of my control. I focus on my career and my health.
Try reading some spiritual literature as well, if you are a spiritual person. You will find comfort in that.
Some people don't have a bottom. There's nothing that you can do to help them and the hardest part about that fact is the acceptance of it. When you finally accept that, you can let go and you will feel the burdern lifted off you when you do.
I wish you peace and happiness.
Best,
YG