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Old 02-20-2013, 07:14 PM
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Question for you

Is there a such thing as an addict recovering? Staying sober? Forever? Has anyone experienced this? I'd like some positive feed back. Thank you.
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Old 02-20-2013, 07:31 PM
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Yep. I am 31+ years sober and clean and counting. I have many friends and
acquaintances that are close to my time or even have more.

I have been to too damn many lately it seems memorial services of others who
have passed sober and clean.

With that being said there are also many who never accumulate a lot of 'sober
time' or go in and out the rest of their lives.

Each individual is different. There are no guarantees. Thus I always suggest
for anyone involved with an A, to step back, give the A plenty of room and watch
their ACTIONS. Do NOT listen to their words. Their ACTIONS over time will
show just how interested they are in recovery.

And as far as the 'stepping back time' anywhere from a year to 3 years should
be a good indication of which way they are headed.

Also that first year or so into recovery can be quite an 'up and down' period
for the A as they try and deal with feelings and emotions that they buried for
years in drugs and alcohol.

Hope that helps but may just cloud the issue more.

Love and hugs,


PS: I have RECOVERED from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body,
but I am still recovering in how to live life, lol
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Old 02-20-2013, 07:45 PM
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Thank you so much. And congrats to you. It's nice to hear positivity. I have faith in my A.
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Old 02-20-2013, 07:57 PM
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Yes, I do believe in recovery. Like ((Laurie)), I'm both a recovering addict (RA) I also have loved ones in active addiction.

I don't have nearly the time that she does, but I'm coming up on 6 years and I'm extremely grateful. If it wasn't for my loved ones saying "okay...you live your life the way you want to, we are stepping back", I don't think I would be here.

They allowed me to deal with the consequences of my addiction, then supported me in my recovery (and continue to do so). The bf (boyfriend) that I shared my addiction with is dead. I could be him. I'm not because my loved ones allowed me to hit bottom and dig myself out of the hole I'd dug myself into.

It doesn't work for everyone, but it worked for me

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 02-20-2013, 08:05 PM
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Congrats to you! I have taken a step back from my A and am seeing where he goes from here.
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Old 02-20-2013, 08:14 PM
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I really wish that I had taken the advice to step back for the 1-3 years that have been suggested in the post above.
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Old 02-20-2013, 10:12 PM
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Originally Posted by mareahh View Post
Is there a such thing as an addict recovering? Staying sober? Forever? Has anyone experienced this? I'd like some positive feed back. Thank you.
My husband has 10 months clean & in recovery & doing great. I know that is still early in the scheme of things... but I believe many people overcome and stay sober forever. When my husband was in rehab, there was a reunion over the Fourth of July, and people came back to celebrate their recovery... their Freedom at a party the rehab center held. There were amazing stories & some really great people who had regained their lives. I have faith
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Old 02-20-2013, 10:15 PM
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Thank you. This is making me feel better. I was totally losing hope and was going to break up with my bf.
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Old 02-20-2013, 11:59 PM
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these replies have also really helped me, so thank you to all who responded and mareahh for asking the question!

mareahh, I think it is possible for people to be clean and sober forever...but only if they are doing it for themselves. I think my XABF tried to get clean many times, but never really becaue he wanted it for himself. He just wanted to keep me, his family, etc. Now we are all giving him space and hopefully he will hit bottom and want it for himself.

Sometimes breaking up is the best thing to do. Sometimes not. I don't know your story... or your addict. Mine had relapsed countless times, was lying to me constantly, and showed no interets in being clean long term. That is when it is probably best to take a step back......

sorry my post wasn't very positive! i do think there is hope. i just think sometimes the addict/alcoholic needs to find the path on their own.
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Old 02-21-2013, 02:01 AM
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well, my ABFs father has 30+ years clean... but now has an AS, so the cycle has repented itself. Its only 2 months into the boys recovery so there's NO WAY to know what he will choose... but I can say that I come from a long line of codependents, and as for me and my legacy "the buck stops here"
I remember when I had faith in the A in my life and when I called him my A... now though... IMHO, I can say I have zero faith in him only in our HP (we share the same higher power) I know that all things will work out for ME if I choose to have faith in the right things... things that can't fail, like honesty, wisdom, and discernment.
I am stepping back for this year to watch and wait and my oh my does he cling to me now that I am more aloof, but even if his recovery is genuine, he needs to get his sealegs. So glad you are here! did you read cynical ones blog yet? its an awesome read. I can get lost in it all night.
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Old 02-21-2013, 07:33 AM
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I have a friend that has been clean for 25 years and her husband has been clean for 30 so yes it is possible.. I do want to add though that this couple, eats, sleeps and breaths recovery.. they are still very active in AA and do a lot of service work.. I think that is part of the reason that they are so successful..

I also have a friend that has been clean from crack and meth for close to 25 years.. he says that he cant be around that stuff at all because the cravings become so severe that his nose just starts running.. to my knowledge he has never worked a 12 step program.. he just decided that he was sick and tired of being sick and tired..
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Old 02-21-2013, 07:47 AM
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This is all great news. I'd rather be in meetings every week than worrying about if he's getting high!!
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Old 02-21-2013, 07:55 AM
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I am an addict/alcoholic who will be clean 10 yrs if I make it until March. Life is way better this way....even on the cruddy days!

I would focus on yourself, though, Mar. You don't want your happiness dependent on whether your bf gets it or not. I hope he does.....and I hope you keep coming back here.
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Old 02-21-2013, 09:59 AM
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I'm happy no matter what. He won't steal my happiness. I've got a lot to look forward to. If he doesn't stop. I'll be his friend and support him but I won't be a crutch or enabler. Congrats to you!!!
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Old 02-21-2013, 10:51 AM
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I had a pretty nasty addiction to crack cocaine. I've been clean for seven years. But even still I know that I am only one really bad decision away from a relapse.

re: recovery - Sometimes I ask myself the same question about codependents... do they every really recover from the hurt or issues that cause them to choose to date drug addicts... Are they ever able to stop feeding their addiction to "fixing" people and their desperate need to be loved by people who are incapable of loving themselves. Do they every reach that moment of enlightenment where are able to focusing on their own issues instead of focus on someone elses.
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:25 AM
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Originally Posted by hello-kitty View Post
Do they every reach that moment of enlightenment where are able to focusing on their own issues instead of focus on someone elses.
I feel like I've reached that place. I don't have to stop myself any more from butting in where I don't belong, the desire is simply gone. Almost all of my former codie relationships are done. One friend and I have re-established our friendship after a hiatus. We're both recovering but from opposite sides of the fence.

My #1 criteria for relationships these days, is self awareness.
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