kcchiefs

It's gotten to the point where I have to drink just to feel normal. I have panic attacks when I drive home from work because of the withdrawals.

I know I need help, and I can't do it on my own. I've been practicing the 'eternal taper' method for years now. I'll get sufficiently detoxed, and because I feel good about myself I'll celebrate -- with a drink. I think we all know that doesn't end well....

Right now I'm at the stage where I know if I quit cold turkey, I'll probably have a seizure. I took my heart rate about 2 hours ago before I had a drink, my resting heart rate was 114 bpm. I'm an incredibly private person and I feel really embarrassed about my addiction.

Ugh, I'm just so defeated. I just need someone to tell me how to fix myself.

FNW

You are in the right place! Always best to see your doc for medical advice. We can give you support. Keep reading, stay in the moment. At one of my first AA meetings, I said I wanted someone to thump me on the head, and I had a few takers talk to me after, lol. Really, they explained it has to come from within. Have you considered Aa?

kcchiefs

I knew it was a mistake posting here.

Sorry for wasting your time, I won't post here again.

Nonsensical

I must have missed something. Why was it a mistake to post here?

Anna

Welcome!

I'm not sure why you feel it was a mistake posting here either.

I do understand how scary it is to be so out of control with drinking. I was there, and didn't know what to do either. I hope that you talk to your dr. Detoxing from alcohol can be very dangerous.

Dee74

Hi kcchiefs
I remember how it was to need a drink to feel normal too.

It is possible to get out of that cycle.

The first step tho really is to see a Dr - seizures strokes and all the other nasty stuff don't happen to everyone but they're best avoided.

I'm a very private person too but my pride and my shyness and shame stopped me from getting the help I needed and nearly killed me.

Reaching out gave me a whole lot more options to fight this thing

I'm not sure what spooked you either...but we really are a good bunch here - you'll find a lot of support and suggestions here on what to do next

hope to see you again

D

bigsombrero

I was once like you and not long ago to boot. When I was in your position there's no way in heck I'd ever go to an AA meeting, and talking to my doctor was nearly out of the question. Heck, I didn't even have a "doctor", the only physicians I saw for YEARS were just urgent-care clinics, so I had no idea how to even find one. Maybe you are also "off the grid" in that regard and any suggestion of involving a doctor or AA makes you feel frustrated?

In my case, it did take a seizure to get me into treatment. Hope you don't have a seizure like I did, but if you don't get help you probably will.

There is hope and there is help. It does require a commitment from YOU, though. You have to be on board and get the recovery started. It sounds like you are on the right track, too. Keep listening to folks and maybe you'll find something that will inspire you further. Good luck.

freshstart57

What you have described in your post, KCChiefs, is not a good situation, but it is not at all unusual around here. I can hear your frustration and defeat in your words very plainly. Will it help you to know that you, yes you, can see your way clear. You can get yourself out of this hole, take a look around you and see your way forward.

For me, I needed to come to that place where I stopped quitting, and I just stopped drinking instead. You may well need some medical care too, and maybe that is where you should start.

You can do this, you can find your answer. Believe that you will have the life you deserve, KC. Keep posting.

SophieB

KC

I was there!! Needing to drink , before, during and after work to feel anything close to normal. Stop the shaking etc. AA may seem intimidating, but it does help and it is a comfort to be around people that get it! No judgement

Good Luck