I was once like you and not long ago to boot. When I was in your position there's no way in heck I'd ever go to an AA meeting, and talking to my doctor was nearly out of the question. Heck, I didn't even have a "doctor", the only physicians I saw for YEARS were just urgent-care clinics, so I had no idea how to even find one. Maybe you are also "off the grid" in that regard and any suggestion of involving a doctor or AA makes you feel frustrated?
In my case, it did take a seizure to get me into treatment. Hope you don't have a seizure like I did, but if you don't get help you probably will.
There is hope and there is help. It does require a commitment from YOU, though. You have to be on board and get the recovery started. It sounds like you are on the right track, too. Keep listening to folks and maybe you'll find something that will inspire you further. Good luck.