What you have described in your post, KCChiefs, is not a good situation, but it is not at all unusual around here. I can hear your frustration and defeat in your words very plainly. Will it help you to know that you, yes you, can see your way clear. You can get yourself out of this hole, take a look around you and see your way forward.
For me, I needed to come to that place where I stopped quitting, and I just stopped drinking instead. You may well need some medical care too, and maybe that is where you should start.
You can do this, you can find your answer. Believe that you will have the life you deserve, KC. Keep posting.