Justfor1

So I recently gave the lead at a very large speaker meeting. I tried to keep my lead relatively short as I feel that after about 20+ minutes peoples interest & concentration start to go. Well after my lead everyone thanked me for my story & how good I was ect... Well it got me thinking. I loved giving the lead & being the center of everyones attention for 15+ minutes. At what point does "spreading the message" just begins to feed some alcoholics big ego? I want to give a lead again but this time at a bigger meeting. :rotfxko I've been sober 18+ months (minus a day) and I finally am beginning to see some of my character defects.

bbthumper

I deal with the same thing. I think a lot of folks do. One of the things I do is before and after a lead I spend some quiet time in which I thank God for allowing me to be of service. Its a good reminder that He is the one who is behind any help I give or receive.

sugarbear1

Justfor1, if you re-read what you wrote, you answered your own question.

Have a beautiful sober day!

Justfor1

I am just thinking about the folks who seem to give leads everywhere. They are like celebrities almost. They make those speaker tapes & sell them. But I can understand why they do it. Because I felt like I was superman after I gave the lead. I seldom hear AA folks talk about this.

bbthumper

Its actually the tapers that sell them. And they are not profitting. It costs a lot to record and produce all those cds.

sugarbear1

There are no celebrities or leaders in AA, it's a fellowship of equals. Just a bunch of drunks helping each other.

Joe Nerv

I think it's great that you were honest with yourself about it.

I agree. I also say a prayer that I be granted the grace to bless, not impress. A good way for me to do that is to make sure not to plan anything. Which is a challenge at times.

There are people who take off with that stuff and do in fact become AA "celebrities". I know people who actually make that a goal. They record themselves and review their own qualifications. I myself think that's sick, but hey... Whatever keeps them going. I feel closer to my source when I take the more humble route. And that's not always easy. Especially when you're as enlightened as I just so happen to be.

paul99

People don't often talk about it, because they try to keep ego in check. It's good to bring it up though, as it isn't discussed much. I'd be lying if I said there isn't that good feeling when I am asked to speak. It's been as short as 5 min (at a one year medallion) and as long as 40 min (at a detox). But that good feeling has shifted over time - at first there certainly a rush of some ego (hey! everyone is dying to hear me speak!") and now it's more a rush in giving back and sharing for the person who might be new (who might truly be dying).

There are some very well known speakers out there, and there is a certain status that is given to them, but even they struggle with this. I heard one tape recently where someone in the audience asked him the same question - how does he keep ego in check? He said what most of us say - we are just messengers.

Tommyh

here is our speaker meeting format
at my home group
we open the meeting as usual
the speaker has about 45 minutes
we then close the meeting as usual

time is not much a factor as is the message
but we try to close the meeting on time

I just pray first and go with the flow,I don`t
do tweaking or preplanning.A great message
is one that comes from the heart and is honest.

It is easy to get caught up in the desire of being a circuit
speaker,that is pure ego.Like Joe,I know a few folks who seem
to thrive off it.Tom Brady had a talk,"emotional sobriety"
in which he addresses this from his own experience.
Tom did AA a great service by being honest about his shortcomings.

laurie6781

Just some FYI

The speakers do not make and sell the tapes.

The meeting, or convention, or roundup makes the tapes and sells them and the monies go into their coffers for current or future expenses.

I have NEVER seen a speaker or 'circuit speaker' sell their own tapes. I have never seen a speaker or circuit speaker get paid for speaking, many times they even pay their own way to the meeting, convention, or roundup, and only get their night's lodging and one meal.

And No their out of pocket expenses are not deductible on their federal tax form.

I think too think, if you reread your original post you will have your answer.

Love and hugs,

Veritas1

I am listening to Mark H. and Joe H. Big Book Experience and they are speaking about this very subject. Have a listen.

They talk about stopping speaking when they realized they were attracted to speaking.

AA Speakers Tapes Free Speaker Downloads

^ The Big Book Experience, , Joe H. and Mark H. 1 of 9


Alcoholics Anonymous Speaker Tapes

Link to entire Big Book Experience 9 parts.

Db1105

When I came in most events had 2 speakers who only talked 20 to 25 minutes. Later they started having only one speaker who goes on for an hour. It was at the point where I lost interest in speaker meetings and events. But, that's just me.

If you find yourself sending unsolicited speaker tapes of yourself to Intergroups or event committees then you better check your ego. It sounds like you have the right approach.

paulokes

Ha! Yes JustFor, I can relate. The best way to deal with my difficulties is to be put in situations where they crop up...then I get to see how far the rabbit hole goes hehe. Keep looking and stay willing to let go of these things, that's the key. Living 'these principles' instead of just learning them...

I heard a 'lead' share that profoundly affected my attitude here once. Lady said she didn't have a very 'dramatic' story. She used to decline chairing/ leading when asked because she was so conscious of it. Apparently her Sponsor told her if she felt this way, she was probably 'sharing for effect' instead of with humility, honesty or desire to carry the message. She went on to tell her 'undramatic' story and every bit of it hit home with me...dramatic it wasn't but it was Alcoholism through and through.

Signs I'm in trouble? Nervous before sharing, or too pumped after...ah well, plenty for me to still work on!!

Have a great day, continue doing service any way you can it's a great thing.

P

muvinon

Yes, I spoke at a convention once and really was alarmed at the ego stuff. What I've found, however, is that the more I speak, the less that's a problem.

And if you REALLY need to check yourself, you can always remember how some people (usually who never, ever have spoken for 45 minutes) love to criticize the speakers.

That usually is humbling.

aasharon90

Being responsible, being of service in
recovery, being honest and humble
will bring members in recovery stability
and groundness in sobriety.

Sharing the messages of hope and your
experiences will bring a quiet inner strength
within your heart, soul and mind.

CaiHong

Today is our weekly meeting there will be 4 of us. Last meeting I discussed doing step work at each meeting as none of us apart from the fourth person who is attending for the first time and I have been told has many years of sobriety.

I dont think this is an ego thing but I really want the meetings to be about the steps. This group can have visitors from other countries here on holidays and one of the members of our small group mentioned that when we have visitors we should put the step work on hold. My ears pricked up at that and I protested loudly and thought to myself not unkindly, you have been sober more than ten years and you are clearly suffering and I think you may be avoiding the steps unconsciously. Our other member is constantly relapsing.

My question is how hard should I push my agenda?

Thank God for this website , I certainly wouldn't have learnt as much as I have about the program purely by going to meetings.

Caihong

tomsteve

carrying the message- hoping what i said helped someone.( humility)
feeding my ego- wanting to do another to a bigger meeting.(pride)

Lily

Oh sweetie, I too have struggled with the very same thing. I agree, lots of prayer and I always want to remember where I came from. I think it is great you are being so honest about this.

What you can hope and pray for is that people are not looking up to you, but that you in turn are used as a vessel to point them to their Higher Power for strength. We cannot as we are powerless, but God can!

Ananda

The ego thing is not really about money (although it often involves getting to travel places and be reimbursed by the group you speak at). The ego is about thinking or allowing others to think you have some key that places you above the 2 year sober speaker who doesn't have those "great speaking skills" but tells from the heart.

There are definately speakers who are ego driven...just keep yourself in check...if you find yourself getting a bit too big a kick out of it, or you feel "better than" in some undefinable way...take a break...rethink.

The Ego driven "circut speakers" have done more harm to AA than any stumbling, humble, honest local speaker has ever done (In my opinion of course)

I strive to go to speaker meetings with locals who are not "big wigs" in the sponsorship and speaking areas of AA. I still go to speaker meetings from time to time...to hear the "ordinary local" who has been doing the program and shares the best they can.

paul99

I remember seeing a speaker at the last convention we had here, and he was a local cat. He had the crowd of 500 or so going - laughing at the right times, tearing up at the right times, reflective at others, sipping water on cue. It was fairly polished and quite well done. But it certainly wasn't Bobby Joe from the detox sharing his story.

About a month ago I was at a men's open meeting and lo and behold it was the same speaker from the convention. There were about 25 of us in this room, lots of old timers, and he began to deliver the same talk with the same inflections, same polished performance. But the effect was markedly different. While his message was right from the book and his experience, it just didn't feel authentic, if you know what I mean. Some of the best speakers I have heard are ones that start off with "man, I am sooo nervous, not sure what to say" and then blow everyone in the room away with their honesty, their humility and their from the heart talk. I don't think there is anything wrong with a good, solid, well worn talk, but there is a time and place.