Really struggling and don't know why
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 464
Really struggling and don't know why
I'm attending meetings and I completed the step one packet today. I knew that there was a strong possibility I would drink yesterday so I took an Antabuse pill and I went to a meeting with a friend. Today I called two people to talk one I don't know very well at all. I took another Antabuse pill because I know I would talk myself into going to the liquor store. I don't know what is triggering me. I'm 8 months sober you would think I would have a handle on things. My sponsor is dealing with some family stuff. Normally I would call I hesitate even though she told me to call anytime even the middle of the night. I said a prayer last night one of gratitude and for god to help me get through this without drinking. I feel scared these days
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
Sorry you're struggling.
Call your sponsor.
What's the worst she says - "can I call you back?". You're doing the things you need to do right now. For what it's worth, and it's a gut feeling based on dealing with others who have been in a similar situation, but I think that getting through the steps as quickly as you can is going to bring you relief and freedom.
I will pray for you too.
Call your sponsor.
What's the worst she says - "can I call you back?". You're doing the things you need to do right now. For what it's worth, and it's a gut feeling based on dealing with others who have been in a similar situation, but I think that getting through the steps as quickly as you can is going to bring you relief and freedom.
I will pray for you too.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 557
I know you've had several threads in which you talk about struggling. I think that's perfectly normal in early sobriety. And even though you have 8 months, you're still new. You're only on step one. It does get better! I know it was easier for me when I just accepted that I was going to struggle for a while. Lamenting my situation or how I was feeling is what led me to drink in the first place. I had to accept that I was going to have cravings. I was going to be angry or depressed at times. That's part of the process. If I stuck it out, those pg. 83 promises would start to come true. But I had to keep in mind that those are 9th step promises. I had to do the work to get there. As my sponsor told me, "You don't have to get through this gracefully, you just have to get through it." You can do this.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 464
I did something i never do usually today i called two people from another group that I have never talked to outside of meetings before. It was awkward but not as bad as I thought it would be. One of the gals I talked to told me about a meeting tomorrow at 9:30am a womens meeting. She also shared something with me to try that really helps when she is struggling with something. Im really really grateful to be sober and to have made those calls today. Im going to that meeting tomorrow morning.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
The things you are doing are great. Struggling with early sobriety is not easy.
Not having moved past step 1, you are still suffering from untreated alcoholism. As the Big Book tells us, putting down the drink is but a beginning. That alone does not solve our problem.
Not having moved past step 1, you are still suffering from untreated alcoholism. As the Big Book tells us, putting down the drink is but a beginning. That alone does not solve our problem.
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
Is there anything you are trying to control, or anyone you are getting agitated with? Are there some expectations you have that are not going quite the way you are hoping? those were my types of triggers. Great for your post! Also good for you taking the pill, anything to help you not to pick up no matter what!! Blessings, Lily
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Congrats on your 8 months of sobriety.
I am sorry you are struggling right now.
I am surprised to hear that at 8 months sober you are just finishing your 1st Step. I realize your sponsor may be wanting to ensure that you fully understand the Steps as you go through them and that may be why she has you going through them at the pace she has you going through them. It is not my place to judge. I can only share my experience.
My experience and understanding of the program is that the Steps are the tools of the program. They are what help alleviate the obsession to drink and show us how to live without relying on alcohol to get us through. I apply the Steps to most of the problems that arise each day. Before I had the Steps the only thing I knew how to do with problems or stressors that arose in my life was to pick up a drink and try and forget them for a while. Most of the founders of AA and early AA members worked through the Steps in a matter of days sometimes weeks. Each time I apply the Steps to my life I gain a deeper understanding of how they apply to me. I am sure that the first time I worked through Step one I still had a few doubts but I kept going and gained more relief with each Step. I have always it as what is the point of being in a 12 Step program if one is not going to work the 12 Steps. It is kind of like buying a motorcycle jacket and calling oneself a biker. The person can start down the road but they aren't going to get very far without the basics like a motorcycle or for the person in a 12 Step program the actual 12 Steps.
I would encourage you to talk with your sponsor and see if she/he would be willing to speed up the pace on the Steps as this might help provide you with some relief. If this sponsor does not have the availability to do it right now then you might consider finding a temporary sponsor to help you until this one has more availability. The most important thing is that you stay sober and obtain the tools that will help you do that, the 12 Steps. Of course this is just my opinion based on my experience.
I am sorry you are struggling right now.
I am surprised to hear that at 8 months sober you are just finishing your 1st Step. I realize your sponsor may be wanting to ensure that you fully understand the Steps as you go through them and that may be why she has you going through them at the pace she has you going through them. It is not my place to judge. I can only share my experience.
My experience and understanding of the program is that the Steps are the tools of the program. They are what help alleviate the obsession to drink and show us how to live without relying on alcohol to get us through. I apply the Steps to most of the problems that arise each day. Before I had the Steps the only thing I knew how to do with problems or stressors that arose in my life was to pick up a drink and try and forget them for a while. Most of the founders of AA and early AA members worked through the Steps in a matter of days sometimes weeks. Each time I apply the Steps to my life I gain a deeper understanding of how they apply to me. I am sure that the first time I worked through Step one I still had a few doubts but I kept going and gained more relief with each Step. I have always it as what is the point of being in a 12 Step program if one is not going to work the 12 Steps. It is kind of like buying a motorcycle jacket and calling oneself a biker. The person can start down the road but they aren't going to get very far without the basics like a motorcycle or for the person in a 12 Step program the actual 12 Steps.
I would encourage you to talk with your sponsor and see if she/he would be willing to speed up the pace on the Steps as this might help provide you with some relief. If this sponsor does not have the availability to do it right now then you might consider finding a temporary sponsor to help you until this one has more availability. The most important thing is that you stay sober and obtain the tools that will help you do that, the 12 Steps. Of course this is just my opinion based on my experience.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
" I feel scared these days."
i can understand that. without a power greater than myself that could restore me to sanity, turning my will andmy life over to that power, takin a look at myself and seein what makes me tick, tellin myself and someone else it all and letting God listen, wanting to change, asking that HP to help me change,writing down who ive hurt, fixin what i could without hurting others, accepting im human and will make mistakes and fixin em immediately,asking that HP to show me how to live, then repeating all that, i think many of us would be there ,too.
i would strongly suggest talkin to your sponsor and finding out why, when countless others have been restored to sanity using the steps as written in the big book, yer being taken the harder, tougher way with all that step study packets. myself and countless others have gotten happy,joyous, and free the easiest, softest way, which is in the big book.
i can understand that. without a power greater than myself that could restore me to sanity, turning my will andmy life over to that power, takin a look at myself and seein what makes me tick, tellin myself and someone else it all and letting God listen, wanting to change, asking that HP to help me change,writing down who ive hurt, fixin what i could without hurting others, accepting im human and will make mistakes and fixin em immediately,asking that HP to show me how to live, then repeating all that, i think many of us would be there ,too.
i would strongly suggest talkin to your sponsor and finding out why, when countless others have been restored to sanity using the steps as written in the big book, yer being taken the harder, tougher way with all that step study packets. myself and countless others have gotten happy,joyous, and free the easiest, softest way, which is in the big book.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Getting to where I want to be
Posts: 502
Originally Posted by tomsteve 
" I feel scared these days."
i can understand that. without a power greater than myself that could restore me to sanity, turning my will andmy life over to that power, takin a look at myself and seein what makes me tick, tellin myself and someone else it all and letting God listen, wanting to change, asking that HP to help me change,writing down who ive hurt, fixin what i could without hurting others, accepting im human and will make mistakes and fixin em immediately,asking that HP to show me how to live, then repeating all that, i think many of us would be there ,too.
i would strongly suggest talkin to your sponsor and finding out why, when countless others have been restored to sanity using the steps as written in the big book, yer being taken the harder, tougher way with all that step study packets. myself and countless others have gotten happy,joyous, and free the easiest, softest way, which is in the big book.
i can understand that. without a power greater than myself that could restore me to sanity, turning my will andmy life over to that power, takin a look at myself and seein what makes me tick, tellin myself and someone else it all and letting God listen, wanting to change, asking that HP to help me change,writing down who ive hurt, fixin what i could without hurting others, accepting im human and will make mistakes and fixin em immediately,asking that HP to show me how to live, then repeating all that, i think many of us would be there ,too.
i would strongly suggest talkin to your sponsor and finding out why, when countless others have been restored to sanity using the steps as written in the big book, yer being taken the harder, tougher way with all that step study packets. myself and countless others have gotten happy,joyous, and free the easiest, softest way, which is in the big book.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 464
The reason I am on step one is because I have to start over with a new sponsor. I fired my old one and was supposed to do step 4 but I decided to start over. I like my sponsor a lot and respect her so I will never fire her. I really admire her and want what she has in sobriety. We are a great fit. Thanks for the input everyone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
A good sponsor will comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.
All the best as you learn and grow in AA. It's never "over"... I've always got something to learn and I learn it at the meetings.
Bob R
All the best as you learn and grow in AA. It's never "over"... I've always got something to learn and I learn it at the meetings.
Bob R
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