" I feel scared these days."
i can understand that. without a power greater than myself that could restore me to sanity, turning my will andmy life over to that power, takin a look at myself and seein what makes me tick, tellin myself and someone else it all and letting God listen, wanting to change, asking that HP to help me change,writing down who ive hurt, fixin what i could without hurting others, accepting im human and will make mistakes and fixin em immediately,asking that HP to show me how to live, then repeating all that, i think many of us would be there ,too.
i would strongly suggest talkin to your sponsor and finding out why, when countless others have been restored to sanity using the steps as written in the big book, yer being taken the harder, tougher way with all that step study packets. myself and countless others have gotten happy,joyous, and free the easiest, softest way, which is in the big book.