FamilyMan2153

I have been sober 5 months and have been going to AA the whole time. Love the meetings and the people. I go to 2-3 per week. My only issue is that I have not found a sponsor yet. I have talked to fellows and asked advice and sometimes I see my whole group as my sponsor. Just looking for some opinions on this matter.

Tommyh

without sponsorship one on one I may not be sober today.I have always had one since i got my first one.I suggest you find one and see how it works

Gal220

I personally would have found it difficult to work the steps without a sponsor because I'm really good at deluding myself. One of our "old-timers" though always talks about how when he first got sober there were no such thing as "sponsors". He talked to all of the "old-timers" for help with the steps. I don't know if the culture of AA is such today that this won't work anymore. I know if I ask someone about something, they're more than willing to answer based on their personal experience. But they almost always ask me, "Did you ask your sponsor?"

So I guess my (rhetorical) question is, are you working the steps? If so, how are you getting through them? Are you actively working with several other alcoholics who have worked the steps so they can help you with the steps, and this is why you don't think a sponsor is the right move? Or are you avoiding working on the steps and just hanging out with the guys? Or do you just not want to ask someone?

FamilyMan2153

I am working step 4 now and have asked a couple of the guys questions. I am not avoiding them but on old timer told me to take my time with the first 3 and he and a couple others helped me. So far I really like the group of guys at the meeting but have only tried one guy who said he would help but not really the sponsor type. He is a really good guy who just got his 20 year coin. Maybe I should ask him for help in finding one.

Gal220

Maybe someone's just waiting for you to ask! I would definitely advise one-on-one help for 4 and 8 at least. Five requires another person anyway, and you may want someone to bounce ideas off for the "if", "when", and "how" when it comes to making your amends in 9.

aasharon90

I learned alot from many who have
learned to stay sober a many one days
at a time and continue so today. The
fellowship in recovery around me, feeding
recovery information i could incorperate
in my everyday life to help me stay sober
each day along with someone (sponsor)
i could turn to for for further guidance and
suggestions in times of weakness in
my own recovery.

Early recovery learning to stay sober and
incoperating the tools and knowledge in
our everyday life takes time. Using all that
has been provided to us to stay sober can
further strengthen our foundation to live upon
for yrs. to come.

I have used the fellowship as a whole as they
continue to pass on their own experiences,
strengths and hopes with me and I to them.

It's a continues cycle or circle in sobriety
that keeps on giving when the more you
give, the more you recieve in the gifts and
promises offered to us each sober day.

TimD

I'm going on 7 months sober. I spent the first 3 months going to meetings and didn't get a sponsor. I finally decided I wanted to make sure I did this thing the right way. Doing things my own way obviously wasn't necessarily the best. I got a sponsor and I am so glad I did. I look at those who have long-term sobriety and find out how they did it because I want what they have.

bigsombrero

I have been sober 7 months, and never had a sponsor. I have only just begun going to AA meetings though, so I guess I'll see how it goes. I suppose I would like one, but I don't really know how to ask or what to do. Nobody ever explained how that works, they just say "find a sponsor" or "where's your sponsor?" etc. I feel like the dumb kid in class and don't want to ask! Either way, keep up the good work!

paul99

Sounds like a bunch of good ol' guys, but have they worked the steps? If not, then they're still a bunch of good 'ol guys, but they have nothing to transmit to you. Do you check out other meetings? Are there other men you speak to there? Have you spoken to the secretary at any of the meetings, asking if they know of any men who can act as temporary or full on sponsors? Have you raised your hand or made it clear to the group you need a sponsor?

Sponsorship by committee isn't the best thing - while helpful to poll and get collective wisdom from the fellowship is great - sponsorship is a one-on-one proposition. Especially in the 4th step, you will need guidance by someone who has done it.

It's a wonderful thing (and vital thing) to have a sponsor. I wish you the best of luck in your hunt!

aasharon90

Asking for what we need is really scarry especially
when we don't have that poisonious crutch to help
us like we use to have. When we are stripped of that
false front/face to help us, we are very vunerable.

I was in rehab when I was required to find 3 sponsors
before i left at the end of my 28 day inpatiant stay. Yes
i was scared and i certainly didnt want to approach a
stranger or someone I didnt know, nor didnt want to
disturb someone or inconvenience another. Of course
that was all in my head and sick thinking.

One lady that came to rehab to drive patiants to
meetings was my first choice and was to be the
one I would call my one and only sponsor to hold
onto for 22 yrs now. I never felt like I needed to
replace her, because what she instilled in me from
the very start by her actions and continued sobriety
has stayed with me for a many one days at a time
now.

Her actions were so impressive to me that I patterned
my sobriety after her and countless other members like
her that have stayed sober for long periods of time.

Today I continue to use the fellowship as a whole as a
constant reminder of what life was like before, during
and after alcohol.

Geralt

IMHO, it's strange to say that someone who has been sober for 20 years has nothing to transmit. That person found a way to stay sober, and isn't that the ultimate goal?

paul99

What I am saying is that if someone hasn't worked the steps, they cannot show someone else to work the steps. That was all. Nothing to do with how long someone has been sober. He can certainly give encouragement and such, and I am sure he may have picked up a thing or two along the way, but in working with another man to get him through the 12 steps, he doesn't have the experience himself.

FamilyMan2153

I have a meeting tonight at 8:00. From reading I do believe I need a sponsor. There have been times that I could have called someone to help me with an issue. To be honest I have no desire to drink again but I want to be sober just not alcohol free. There are so many things to learn on how to live a life of sobriety with honesty, compassion, without regrets or resentments. I know it is progress rather than perfection and if I am honest with myself I do not feel like I am progressing so a sponsor it is. I will let you know how my search goes.

paul99

Well said. Sounds like you're on the right track. Let us know for sure how it goes. All the best

Fernaceman

My experience with AA has been infinitely times more beneficial with a sponsor to work the steps with. Whenever I have attended in the past without working directly with another person to guide me through the steps, I had ultimately eventually decided I knew what was best for me, which in time led to another drink.

muvinon

There's a great brochure put out by AA on sponsorship....one of the better ones. I would read it through.

It helps with expectations about sponsorship and answers a host of questions.

freshstart57

AA Sponsor Brochure