beth76

Well, deep breath where do i start! I am currently living in San Diego with my husband and two children, 5 and 11 years old I am in training to be a funeral director and embalmer. (you would think that enough would help me stop drinking!)

I have been drinking for 8 years and it was kind of ok until the first "incident"
My daughter who was 10 at the time found me nearkly dead on the floor after drinking a lot of vodka.... i was taken to a psych unit on a 74 hour hold and cps was called on me.... was that enough to stop ... nope. From there i just continued to drink.. i am a wine girl.. but have recently tried to cut down to beer. I have been in 3 detox's and got sober for up until 3 months.

Recently i have had some news about my liver, its not good news but the Dr warned me that the enzimes were 4 times the normal range. I am bruising all over and i am losing my hair. (attractive - not really), and i have gone from 140lbs to 118, i will die soon if i do not stop drinking. Well after that news i tried to stop, but then my kitten whom i have raised from birth was eaten by coyotes in my yard in front of me, my 2 gerbels died within the same week. My husband is always working so being from the UK its hard to make friends. MY mam and dad refuse to talk to me until i get better.

I have depression and panic disorder also. I do not know what i am looking for here, maybe just some advice, i have been to AA and had councilling but to no avail.

Thank you so much.

ScottFromWI

Beth - you still have your life. And you still have your family, training for a great career. You also have a husband and children. And most importantly, you came here and realize you need to stop drinking. That's a lot more than many have who come here. Sounds like you've already talked to a doctor, did he recommend any local treatment options?

Hevyn

Welcome beth! I'm so glad you found us. You are probably looking for understanding and support - that's what we can offer. I was a lost soul until I found this place.

The best thing about being here is you're no longer alone. You'll see many stories similar to yours. No one will be judgmental - we all understand how it is. I had no one in my life to talk to about it. Everyone was a social drinker. They never got why I couldn't just have one or two.

I'm sorry for your health issues - I hope everything will be alright. It's very sad about your animals. I know the feeling of wanting to numb the pain, but in the end it doesn't really work. A few hours of feeling a little better - then we have to sober up and face the emotions anyway. I am much better off being clear headed, conscious, and aware of what's going on in my life. Staying in a fog makes everything impossible to deal with.

Glad you have made the decision to quit. Congratulations! You can do it.

beth76

HI and thank you for the reply. Her words were stop or die, we have no insurance so treatment options are limited, now why is that still not enough! i very much want to stop, but life over here in the US is difficult for me, no excuse i know. i want to take my son back to the UK but my husband has hidden the passports etc. I wake up and say "just not today" but i do it anyway. i feel like a waste of space and i am ashamed to be me.

beth76

Thanks guys for all your replys, i will keep checking in. This means so much to me, not to be alone.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Beth.

You'll find a lot of support here - why not join our Class of January thread?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-8.html

D

LDT

Hi beth76.... you can regain your sobriety, sanity and health. It's not too late. I had liver and severe panic issues from alcohol ( also a wine lover here ) and Xanax. But I completely turned my health problems around. So can you. I am glad you found SR. Keep reading and posting, and feel free to PM people if you like.

Be well.

Coldfusion

We should get together--I own part of a cemetery!

There is fun here at SR, but mostly this stuff is deadly serious. You said that you "have been to AA." But to expect it to work, you have to work it. I too have tried to quit, but only AA has made it stick.

I know a mother who was just told by a high school counselor that her daughter had PTSD from the mom's alcohol abuse. Please stop so this doesn't happen to you.

2granddaughters

Beth, sounds like you're going to have to "commit" to AA and not just "go to it".

It's like a bacon & egg breakfast.... the pig is "committed" and the chicken is "involved"

Once you've done Step 3, the rest of your life is none of your business......

Go to the meetings and listen to what the oldtimers are saying, then keep going until what you heard makes sense.

All the best.

Bob R

FreeFall

Welcome Beth. I'm so sorry about your pets. That must have been really traumatic. Damn coyotes!

If you can't stop for yourself, stop for your kids. If you didn't relate to AA there are a lot more options for recovery out there. You can read all about them here on SR. Your doctor has given you serious words and you have a chance to survive. Please make your life more valuable than a bottle.

Lots of people here to help 24/7 but they can't do it for you. It has to come from you to stick. If you can't do one day at a time, do one minute or one hour at a time. It gets easier once you get in the habit. Good luck!