Fired & Lost
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Between the Moon & the Stars
Posts: 211
Fired & Lost
Late this afternoon I was notified that I've been fired from my job of 15 years. I'm devastated. And lost. Scared. You name it and I'm feeling it.
At 20 days sober I'm at my limit. I can't take much more. I was starting to feel better and I'm now back to feeling suicidal.
The worst part? I caused it. I was doing great for 14 months when I stupidly thought I could have a few and control it. I was clearly wrong.
Please don't tell me everything will be OK. I'm not so sure it will be OK. I'm alone. I'm broke. I'm now unemployed. Maybe to some this isn't such a big deal. But I'm alone in this life and with no source of income things will quickly become very bad.
I don't know why I'm writing all of this....I guess it's because I've been sitting here for a couple of hours trying not to go to the liquor store. Right now, getting numb sounds fantastic. I've cried so much that my eyes are about swollen shut. It's a deep, gutteral crying that scares me. I know I need to get up and get into action. I'm not so sure I have it in me.
At 20 days sober I'm at my limit. I can't take much more. I was starting to feel better and I'm now back to feeling suicidal.
The worst part? I caused it. I was doing great for 14 months when I stupidly thought I could have a few and control it. I was clearly wrong.
Please don't tell me everything will be OK. I'm not so sure it will be OK. I'm alone. I'm broke. I'm now unemployed. Maybe to some this isn't such a big deal. But I'm alone in this life and with no source of income things will quickly become very bad.
I don't know why I'm writing all of this....I guess it's because I've been sitting here for a couple of hours trying not to go to the liquor store. Right now, getting numb sounds fantastic. I've cried so much that my eyes are about swollen shut. It's a deep, gutteral crying that scares me. I know I need to get up and get into action. I'm not so sure I have it in me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I'm really sorry Fallon - but try not to panic, ok?
It's an unfortunate sign of the times that you're not alone in being unemployed - it's a challenge for sure, but I hope once you get past the shock you'll see it's really not the end of the world.
I *will* tell you everything will be ok
because in my experience things usually are...
they don't always turn out how I expect but they always do turn out.
Stay sober and keep looking around for opportunities - I'm sure they'll come.
Just don't do what I did when I became unemployed...I numbed myself out...or tried to - it didn't work, and what little money I had, I ****** away on booze.
I wasted several years trying to numb myself out in fact - believe me, I wish I'd done that differently now.
I should have gotten up and gone into action.
D
It's an unfortunate sign of the times that you're not alone in being unemployed - it's a challenge for sure, but I hope once you get past the shock you'll see it's really not the end of the world.
I *will* tell you everything will be ok
because in my experience things usually are...
they don't always turn out how I expect but they always do turn out.
Stay sober and keep looking around for opportunities - I'm sure they'll come.
Just don't do what I did when I became unemployed...I numbed myself out...or tried to - it didn't work, and what little money I had, I ****** away on booze.
I wasted several years trying to numb myself out in fact - believe me, I wish I'd done that differently now.
I should have gotten up and gone into action.
D
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Indiana
Posts: 706
That's odd, this was actually a topic at AA tonight. Must be the season for losing jobs. Happy Holidays, right?
There were like 5 of us that have lost jobs in the past 6 week, I'm one of them.
It does suck. But a drink will not make it better. But if your suicidal you should definitely not drink, and get to a doctor.
Zube
There were like 5 of us that have lost jobs in the past 6 week, I'm one of them.
It does suck. But a drink will not make it better. But if your suicidal you should definitely not drink, and get to a doctor.
Zube
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Queensland
Posts: 90
You are completely inspirational in that you came here instead of marching straight to the bottle shop. Take pride in the smallest of things, I haven't done that. I am on here and still drinking. I am on here essentially 7 hours a day if not longer and I am still drinking. Your not! I feel complete envy, especially given you have just received a harsh blow and your still holding out and reaching out. Kudos to you SF!
If you need to talk it out to someone let me know and I can give you my skype details.. I'm in Australia and guessing the call rates from here to USA would be extravagant
Stay strong. You have 1 aussie totally proud of you.
If you need to talk it out to someone let me know and I can give you my skype details.. I'm in Australia and guessing the call rates from here to USA would be extravagant
Stay strong. You have 1 aussie totally proud of you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Fallon,
OK, get busy right now. Continue working your sober program double. File for unemployment or whatever is available. check online to see what is available for utilities for low income. Start setting things into place for worst case scenario. Find out where the food banks are and what might be helpful for you. no shame there, lots of folks are looking for work now.
You might see about a seasonal job to tide youover while you look for a new job. retail, restaurant, maybe delivery services if you have a valid drivers license.
The very best thing you can do is Stay Sober. Keep a clear head. I'll keep you in my thoughts.
love from Lenina
OK, get busy right now. Continue working your sober program double. File for unemployment or whatever is available. check online to see what is available for utilities for low income. Start setting things into place for worst case scenario. Find out where the food banks are and what might be helpful for you. no shame there, lots of folks are looking for work now.
You might see about a seasonal job to tide youover while you look for a new job. retail, restaurant, maybe delivery services if you have a valid drivers license.
The very best thing you can do is Stay Sober. Keep a clear head. I'll keep you in my thoughts.
love from Lenina
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
When something traumatic happens - a car accident, bad news, a fright - we can go into shock.
I think you are in shock right now.
It does not matter what the reason is for the shock, you just need to take care of yourself.
You cannot think straight, you are panicking. That will do no-one any good.
Go make something warm to drink like hot tea with some sugar.
Go lay down and rest and keep warm.
Don't drink alcohol.
Can someone come and sit with you and look after you? Phone or text them. Someone who understands. Someone who is kind.
There will be a way out of this.
You don't have to solve this now. It can wait until tomorrow.
Thinking of you
xxxx
I think you are in shock right now.
It does not matter what the reason is for the shock, you just need to take care of yourself.
You cannot think straight, you are panicking. That will do no-one any good.
Go make something warm to drink like hot tea with some sugar.
Go lay down and rest and keep warm.
Don't drink alcohol.
Can someone come and sit with you and look after you? Phone or text them. Someone who understands. Someone who is kind.
There will be a way out of this.
You don't have to solve this now. It can wait until tomorrow.
Thinking of you
xxxx
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Fallon - You have some great responses already, so I'll just send you some love - and tell you that you are not alone. We aren't there in person, but we care about what happens to you.
We say it so much, but it's the truth - drinking can't and won't make anything better. This is a time for keeping a clear head and taking action. You already know where getting numb and foggy will lead. Please don't go there and set yourself back. Keep talking to us.
We say it so much, but it's the truth - drinking can't and won't make anything better. This is a time for keeping a clear head and taking action. You already know where getting numb and foggy will lead. Please don't go there and set yourself back. Keep talking to us.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Very wise advice from Sasha! Have something soothing like herbal tea. peppermint is easy on the tummy. I avoid caffiene as it makes my heart pound. Hot milk with a spoon of honey is good.
Love from Lenina
Love from Lenina
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Southern California
Posts: 365
Drinking won't help... Go to a meeting... I lost my job a couple years back over a relapse... I'm back working for the same company and almost lost my job again over another relapse last week. I brought my problems on myself. I am very lucky to still have my job and my family. I've had years of sobriety in the past and today I have a week. Never not once during any of my relapses has drinking helped. It may numb you for a few hours but it certainly won't solve your problem and most likely will cause you more grief... Please don't drink... Things will get better... I know a guy who is right now living at a homeless shelter. He goes to AA and recently celebrated a year. I am soooo impressed by this guy because I don't know if I could stay sober as a homeless person, but he does and it can be done. Whenever I get down on myself or my situation I think of him. He is a super guy but life is just throwing him a lot of crap right now... Despite all that he chooses to stay sober because he knows if he drinks life will only get worse...
I don't know if any of this will help you, but please know we care...
I don't know if any of this will help you, but please know we care...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Fallon)) - This is my ES&H. I lost a 12-year nursing career because of my addiction. I figured I'd messed up so much, I not only sunk into deeper addiction, I found a NEW drug to become addicted to.
After a couple of years of being homeless, being in/out of jail, and some other not-so-good things, thought I'd had enough. Quit using for the better part of a year, relapsed for about 2 weeks, and that's when I KNEW I'd had enough.
I've got almost 6 years in recovery and though my life is far from a bowl of cherries, it is FAR better than my best day using/drinking. At 51 years old, I JUST finished another associate's degree hoping to get back into healthcare, but another area. Am I worried about my past coming back to bite me in the azz? A little, but who I am today is NOTHING like who I was then.
I tell you this, because I don't want you to follow my path. It's heartbreaking to know you've lost a career through your own doing. Fatal? Not in the least. I only wish I'd grasped at recovery way back then.
I will tell you I found SR at that time. I just "lurked" for a couple of years, but I kept coming back. I finally signed on at 6 months into recovery. You're already ahead of me in that respect I do wonder how my life may have turned out differently if I had been posting here. I can just say that SR, and everyone here, has been a huge part of my recovery, no matter how bad things have been.
Hang in there, sweetie. Some of us have to learn things the hard way, but the thing is - we DO learn.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
After a couple of years of being homeless, being in/out of jail, and some other not-so-good things, thought I'd had enough. Quit using for the better part of a year, relapsed for about 2 weeks, and that's when I KNEW I'd had enough.
I've got almost 6 years in recovery and though my life is far from a bowl of cherries, it is FAR better than my best day using/drinking. At 51 years old, I JUST finished another associate's degree hoping to get back into healthcare, but another area. Am I worried about my past coming back to bite me in the azz? A little, but who I am today is NOTHING like who I was then.
I tell you this, because I don't want you to follow my path. It's heartbreaking to know you've lost a career through your own doing. Fatal? Not in the least. I only wish I'd grasped at recovery way back then.
I will tell you I found SR at that time. I just "lurked" for a couple of years, but I kept coming back. I finally signed on at 6 months into recovery. You're already ahead of me in that respect
I do wonder how my life may have turned out differently if I had been posting here. I can just say that SR, and everyone here, has been a huge part of my recovery, no matter how bad things have been.Hang in there, sweetie. Some of us have to learn things the hard way, but the thing is - we DO learn.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Fallon,
I hope I don't sound trite but this may be be a door closing so that a better opportunity avails itself. Whatever you do don't drink. Get to a meeting, keep posting, keep in contact, you are not alone.
Going into action is great advice. A crisis can bring out the best in us and as one member so rightly pointed out be proud that you are still sober.
Love
caiHong
I hope I don't sound trite but this may be be a door closing so that a better opportunity avails itself. Whatever you do don't drink. Get to a meeting, keep posting, keep in contact, you are not alone.
Going into action is great advice. A crisis can bring out the best in us and as one member so rightly pointed out be proud that you are still sober.
Love
caiHong
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Between the Moon & the Stars
Posts: 211
Thank you for all the kind words and great advice. It helps to ease the hurt and sting I feel in my heart right now.
Spoke to my sponsor who was kind but kicked my ass in her own special way. She doesn't feel I'm working strong enough on my recovery. I'm on medical leave (although, now that I'm technically unemployed that's not true anymore) and in outpatient treatment 3x a week. Fortunately the company will continue my medical coverage January 25th so I can still finish treatment. No paychecks but at least the outpatient costs will be covered.
I have not gone to the liquor store. I want a drink, but I don't want to drink. If that makes any sense? I know that no good will come of it and I just can't allow myself to go to that awful place. I can be sad and depressed all on my own, I don't really need a toxic substance helping me out
I know there is much to be done. I need to cancel everything and anything that isn't truly necessary. I need to file for unemployment, work on my resume, call creditors, etc. It's all a bit much to deal with right now. I had been doing so well since last Thursday that I just hate to be in absolute fear right now.
I will pray, try to breath and just try to keep moving forward.
Again, I can't tell you all how much your words, support and advice mean to me. Without you & SR I'm sure I'd be half in the bag by now!
Spoke to my sponsor who was kind but kicked my ass in her own special way. She doesn't feel I'm working strong enough on my recovery. I'm on medical leave (although, now that I'm technically unemployed that's not true anymore) and in outpatient treatment 3x a week. Fortunately the company will continue my medical coverage January 25th so I can still finish treatment. No paychecks but at least the outpatient costs will be covered.
I have not gone to the liquor store. I want a drink, but I don't want to drink. If that makes any sense? I know that no good will come of it and I just can't allow myself to go to that awful place. I can be sad and depressed all on my own, I don't really need a toxic substance helping me out
I know there is much to be done. I need to cancel everything and anything that isn't truly necessary. I need to file for unemployment, work on my resume, call creditors, etc. It's all a bit much to deal with right now. I had been doing so well since last Thursday that I just hate to be in absolute fear right now.
I will pray, try to breath and just try to keep moving forward.
Again, I can't tell you all how much your words, support and advice mean to me. Without you & SR I'm sure I'd be half in the bag by now!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
(((Fallon)))). Try the hot milk with honey. Its soothing to me. I fully understand the not wanting to drink/wanting to drink. CarolD tells us she timed her cravings and they lasted 5 to 7 minutes.
I'm glad you have a sponsor. Hang in there and stick with us.
love from Lenina
I'm glad you have a sponsor. Hang in there and stick with us.
love from Lenina
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
I like to make lists when I feel overwhelmed. Something just feels fundamentally right for me when I finish number 1 and check it off. Then on to 2. If I think about something very large and frightening in this conpartmentalized way it just feels better.
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