terribob

So I went to my 2nd AA meeting in 2 days yesterday. Met up with a forced attendee (court system) and we went out for drinks! How stupid can I be. Not only was it my sobriety I screwed up but someone else as well. Now my wife thinks AA was my excuse to go drink. I didn't drink a whole lot but now...I'm not sure what to do.

TSDD

Try going again without drinking. The not drinking part is pretty key IMO.

BritishGent

You are not stupid? Your a recovering alcoholic, it's your second meeting, the important thing is not to beat yourself up and jump straight back on! This is not failure, it's a journey.

Dee74

I could always find an excuse to drink, or a mate to dink with, Bob.

Are you still interested in AA? If so, I'd go back, maybe find someone with a bit of solid recovery to talk to next time...?

if not there's a lot of other approaches to try

D

terribob

Thanks D. I am still interested but now my wife is skeptical. My family does not deserve this. I should be able to control myself. It's stupid that I'm at this point. Why can't I just have a drink and be done?

BritishGent

That's the terrible thing about drink, one makes you want the next one, remember it's an addictive drug!

AA should have meetings where family can attend, perhaps that might be an option.

Dee74

The two sentences I bolded are key I think Bob?
Until I accepted - really accepted - I had no control over my drinking and needed to stop, I kept drinking....

D

terribob

I know I need to stop. My statement was out of frustration. I want to stop. I'm just not sure WHY it's so difficult. I have a really good friend who stopped on his first try with AA over 2 years ago. I'm feeling inadequate, foolish, and just like the names my frustrated wife has called me in anger...

BritishGent

My ex partner used to call me an alcoholic and said I would one day die from drinking and I would never give up...all that did was drive me to drink more. Suffice to say I am no longer with that person.

I am sure your wife is just frustrated and I hope you can both can work it out together. I am doing this alone which I am not sure if it makes it harder or easier. I believe you need encouragement and positive support which you can get from us and your AA meetings.

cat1961

Hi terribob!

Alcoholism is difficult for EVERYONE! I have suffered many many years and while my younger brother just celebrated his 23 yr anniversary, I'm back to square one at Day 2. It is shameful but the only solution is plain out NOT DRINK.

I hope you can find the right support group locally but always know you have one here.

Good luck!

Dee74

Beating yourself up won't do any good Bob.

That's energy best put to working out what else ou need to do to make this a permanent change, not just a temporary one

As others have said no doubt your wife is frustrated too - maybe even a little scared too.

I found I needed to put everything into my recovery - if you do that, I don't see how you can fail...and things will get better

D

1seekinghelp

Being an alcoholic isn't a moral failing, it is a disease. I share the same issue. If you could control it you would be like everyone else, but you aren't and neither am I. I just realized last week I CANNOT drink like everyone else because if I drink one I'll drink 10. It has taken me 18 months and lots of relapses to get to this point of just starting to accept where I am.

You can get there too. Hang in there friend.

MythOfSisyphus

As the others have said, if you're going at this trying to curb your drinking you're probably going to fail. Not trying to discourage you but it's the truth. They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Well, drinking is insanity for people like us. If you drink one you'll chase it with another and soon you'll be blitzed. Moderation is probably not an option.

I don't even understand the impulse to have "just one." At no point in the last twenty years did I want just one- I always wanted to get drunk. If I had "just one" socially I always got my drink on at home. So far not drinking has been easy. Having "just one" is basically impossible for me.

BabyJane

Aw.... There's that magical word again... "control"... As far as I go, once I pick up the first drink or take the first hit, all bets are off. Not to mention, even when I'm not drinking, I have an obsession with being in control that makes it hard for me to just accept life on life's terms or whatever they say. I think you have a drinking problem, so you drank. That's normal. What's abnormal is for people like us to be sober! But if you want it bad enough, you'll do WHATEVER it takes. You'll get there. Just try again. Don't give up. And keep us posted we are all here to help and we need your help too!

Thanks for the post and for being HONEST. That's huge. I couldn't even do that in the beginning. Hang in there friend.