Being an alcoholic isn't a moral failing, it is a disease. I share the same issue. If you could control it you would be like everyone else, but you aren't and neither am I. I just realized last week I CANNOT drink like everyone else because if I drink one I'll drink 10. It has taken me 18 months and lots of relapses to get to this point of just starting to accept where I am.
You can get there too. Hang in there friend.