Letting People Be There for Us
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Letting People Be There for Us
Saturday, December 1, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Letting People Be There for Us
Sometimes, we need nurturing. Sometimes, we need people to support us.
Many of us have been deprived of support and nurturing for so long we may not realize it's something we want and need. Many of us have learned to block or stop ourselves from getting what we want and need.
We may not reach out to have our needs met. We may be in relationships with people who cannot or will not be available to meet our needs. Or we may be in relationships with people who would be happy to respond to a direct request from us.
We may have to give up something to do this. We may have to let go of our martyr or victim role. If we ask for what we want and need, and get those needs met, we will not be able to punish people, or push them away later on, for disappointing us.
We may have to let go of our fears enough to experience the intimacy that will occur when we allow someone to love and support us. We may even have to learn, one day at a time, how to be happy and content.
Learn to let others be there for us.
Today, I will be open to identifying what I need from people, and I will ask for what I want directly. I will let others be there for me.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Letting People Be There for Us
Sometimes, we need nurturing. Sometimes, we need people to support us.
Many of us have been deprived of support and nurturing for so long we may not realize it's something we want and need. Many of us have learned to block or stop ourselves from getting what we want and need.
We may not reach out to have our needs met. We may be in relationships with people who cannot or will not be available to meet our needs. Or we may be in relationships with people who would be happy to respond to a direct request from us.
We may have to give up something to do this. We may have to let go of our martyr or victim role. If we ask for what we want and need, and get those needs met, we will not be able to punish people, or push them away later on, for disappointing us.
We may have to let go of our fears enough to experience the intimacy that will occur when we allow someone to love and support us. We may even have to learn, one day at a time, how to be happy and content.
Learn to let others be there for us.
Today, I will be open to identifying what I need from people, and I will ask for what I want directly. I will let others be there for me.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 28
This is actually something I am struggling with today. Although we had already planned for it, I need to tell my mum today that we need some more money to get through to when I can work again. She knows I will need the money, and was asking last week if I needed it yet. I need to tell her today, and for some reason I freeze up and feel like I cant do it.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 28
Well, I asked in a text message, our usual communication, and GOT NO RESPONSE ALL DAY!!! Ahhhh...So now Im spiraling in anxiety wondering why I reached out and have been ignored..The ultimate source of my fear in the first place. Thanks, mom.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
This post my triggers me because......although I admire people who are working on their codependency, I am kind of finding them selfish and cold.
I never want my life to become all about me, my needs, and my wants. Although, I will never sacrifice my own happiness again to try and fix or rescue some one else nor I will put the needs of others before me 100% of the time but I want to find a balance.
Did anyone else experience this??
I never want my life to become all about me, my needs, and my wants. Although, I will never sacrifice my own happiness again to try and fix or rescue some one else nor I will put the needs of others before me 100% of the time but I want to find a balance.
Did anyone else experience this??
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by LoveMeNot 
This post my triggers me because......although I admire people who are working on their codependency, I am kind of finding them selfish and cold.
I never want my life to become all about me, my needs, and my wants. Although, I will never sacrifice my own happiness again to try and fix or rescue some one else nor I will put the needs of others before me 100% of the time but I want to find a balance.
Did anyone else experience this??
I never want my life to become all about me, my needs, and my wants. Although, I will never sacrifice my own happiness again to try and fix or rescue some one else nor I will put the needs of others before me 100% of the time but I want to find a balance.
Did anyone else experience this??
There is nothing wrong with caring, but you should be cared about as well.
Thats the difference, IMO.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
I don't think of this post as selfish. It's more about asking for what we need. We can't assume people will know what we need unless we ask for it. We have to give up the idea of being a victim, and thinking no one will be there for us, even though we give up everything for them. I have a hard time asking for what I need.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Originally Posted by NewBeginnings2
I dont think its selfish and cold to give up being emotionally and spiritually raped by someone who care only about their own personal gains and pleasures and start looking out for yourself like your own best friend...and that, to me, is what it is (overcoming codependency)
There is nothing wrong with caring, but you should be cared about as well.
Thats the difference, IMO.
There is nothing wrong with caring, but you should be cared about as well.
Thats the difference, IMO.
Maybe I am just not far enough along in my own recovery. But It still just bugs me how many "breaks" an addict gets while a mother with kids is left to fend for herself and them.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Originally Posted by bluebelle
I don't think of this post as selfish. It's more about asking for what we need. We can't assume people will know what we need unless we ask for it. We have to give up the idea of being a victim, and thinking no one will be there for us, even though we give up everything for them. I have a hard time asking for what I need.
In other words, If I needed nuturing - I would look for it with others who are not "working a recovery program." JMHO
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