Achieving Balance in Sobriety
Trudger of Happy Destiny
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 1,918
Achieving Balance in Sobriety
So...this topic came up last night at my meeting and it's been wrackin my brain:
Since I have gotten sober, I have totally been in the mindset of NOW is the TIME to get everything RIGHT IN MY LIFE! It has to happen NOW, or it never will!!!!
Every aspect I am tryin to put 150% in...Like I want to be the BEST at everything and give it my all. Recovery, of course. But also working out, eating right, even volunteering (community service), fixing finances.
Struggling to achieve a balance of it. Yeah, I am keeping myself busy, and am workin really hard on recovery, but everything is still so chaotic, it seems. UGH!!!
Since I have gotten sober, I have totally been in the mindset of NOW is the TIME to get everything RIGHT IN MY LIFE! It has to happen NOW, or it never will!!!!
Every aspect I am tryin to put 150% in...Like I want to be the BEST at everything and give it my all. Recovery, of course. But also working out, eating right, even volunteering (community service), fixing finances.
Struggling to achieve a balance of it. Yeah, I am keeping myself busy, and am workin really hard on recovery, but everything is still so chaotic, it seems. UGH!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
One thing Ive noticed, and that my addictions cousellor pointed out, is that many alcoholics/addicts have an all or nothing personality. Im very much like that, and sometimes I make such a huge grand plan for my life that it is impossible because I dont do bite sized pieces very easily, then I get overwhelmed, frustrated and scratch the whole thing.
One thing at a time...I am more efficient when I focus 100% on one thing, then 100% on the next thing, and take a lot of time to prioritize, and leave a fudge factor. And, if you have an exceptionally crappy or unproductive day, if you were sober, remember it was a successful one
One thing at a time...I am more efficient when I focus 100% on one thing, then 100% on the next thing, and take a lot of time to prioritize, and leave a fudge factor. And, if you have an exceptionally crappy or unproductive day, if you were sober, remember it was a successful one
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
Originally Posted by Windancer 
One thing Ive noticed, and that my addictions cousellor pointed out, is that many alcoholics/addicts have an all or nothing personality. Im very much like that, and sometimes I make such a huge grand plan for my life that it is impossible because I dont do bite sized pieces very easily, then I get overwhelmed, frustrated and scratch the whole thing.
One thing at a time...I am more efficient when I focus 100% on one thing, then 100% on the next thing, and take a lot of time to prioritize, and leave a fudge factor. And, if you have an exceptionally crappy or unproductive day, if you were sober, remember it was a successful one
One thing at a time...I am more efficient when I focus 100% on one thing, then 100% on the next thing, and take a lot of time to prioritize, and leave a fudge factor. And, if you have an exceptionally crappy or unproductive day, if you were sober, remember it was a successful one
Great topic!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
I think if you keep working the program balance will manifest in your life as a result. I have never been able to create balance on my own, but my life seems to become balanced when I focus on spiritual growth.
We tend to screw things up when we try to create what we think is a balanced life. We're better off getting out of the way and letting God create the balance IMO.
Great topic.
We tend to screw things up when we try to create what we think is a balanced life. We're better off getting out of the way and letting God create the balance IMO.
Great topic.
Trudger of Happy Destiny
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 1,918
Originally Posted by Windancer
Furnaceman, how ya doing? I was hoping you would have a response for this post Mr. Go-Getter
(sense of humour intended btw)
(sense of humour intended btw)
I agree with what you were saying. Obviously, I have the all or nothing personality. That's the way it has been for a long time. All or nothing drinking, all or nothing drugs, all or nothing video games. That's just the way it's been.
I like what you said about focusing 100%. And how others said balance will just naturally happen if you are working the program.
I guess I am just trying to FORCE things to happen. Trying to FORCE good things to happen as a result of my recovery. Guess it's time to realize that it ain't gonna happen on my terms. It will happen when it happens. I probably won't even realize it until it's already in place, either. I am probably so used to the chaos with everything that I don't really know what just "living a life" is like.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,903
balance in my actions vs balance in my emotions and thinking
I find the program gives me a balance in my mind,which helps with a balance in my actions
I did a google search for some reason ...from 164andmore...
... balance. 12&12 p.46, Step Four
This tends to clear away morbidity and encourage balance.
2.
... balance. 12&12 p.92, Step Ten
Although these attitudes are common enough, we A.A.'s find we need something much better in order to keep our balance.
3.
... balance. 12&12 p.102, Step Eleven
One of its first fruits is emotional balance.
4.
... balance. 12&12 p.121, Step Twelve
This all meant, of course, that we were still far off balance.
5.
... balance. 12&12 p.142, Tradition Three
So went the discussion while the newcomer's fate hung in the balance.
6.
... balance, and live to good purpose under ... 12&12 p.88, Step Ten
Then comes the acid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions?
7.
... balance and tempt us to make mistakes. 12&12 p.91, Step Ten
The quick inventory is aimed at our daily ups and downs, especially those where people or new events throw us off balance and tempt us to make mistakes.
8.
... balance by creating an insatiable appetite for ... 12&12 p.85, Step Nine
This atmosphere of approval and praise is apt to be so exhilarating as to put us off balance by creating an insatiable appetite for more of the same.
9.
... balance, provided we remember, and repeat to ... 12&12 p.103, Step Eleven
If at these points our emotional disturbance happens to be great, we will more surely keep our balance, provided we remember, and repeat to ourselves, a particular prayer or phrase that has appealed to us in our reading or meditation.
10.
... balance sheet, crediting ourselves with things well ... 12&12 p.89, Step Ten
Here we cast up a balance sheet, crediting ourselves with things well done, and chalking up debits where due.
11.
... balance sheet for the day. 12&12 p.93, Step Ten
When evening comes, perhaps just before going to sleep, many of us draw up a balance sheet for the day.
12.
... balance, the religions of mankind had done ... BB p.11, Bill's Story Go to page 11 in the Big Book
I honestly doubted whether, on balance, the religions of mankind had done any good.
I believe the more our minds become balanced,the more our lives and actions become balanced
good topic
I find the program gives me a balance in my mind,which helps with a balance in my actions
I did a google search for some reason ...from 164andmore...
... balance. 12&12 p.46, Step Four
This tends to clear away morbidity and encourage balance.
2.
... balance. 12&12 p.92, Step Ten
Although these attitudes are common enough, we A.A.'s find we need something much better in order to keep our balance.
3.
... balance. 12&12 p.102, Step Eleven
One of its first fruits is emotional balance.
4.
... balance. 12&12 p.121, Step Twelve
This all meant, of course, that we were still far off balance.
5.
... balance. 12&12 p.142, Tradition Three
So went the discussion while the newcomer's fate hung in the balance.
6.
... balance, and live to good purpose under ... 12&12 p.88, Step Ten
Then comes the acid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions?
7.
... balance and tempt us to make mistakes. 12&12 p.91, Step Ten
The quick inventory is aimed at our daily ups and downs, especially those where people or new events throw us off balance and tempt us to make mistakes.
8.
... balance by creating an insatiable appetite for ... 12&12 p.85, Step Nine
This atmosphere of approval and praise is apt to be so exhilarating as to put us off balance by creating an insatiable appetite for more of the same.
9.
... balance, provided we remember, and repeat to ... 12&12 p.103, Step Eleven
If at these points our emotional disturbance happens to be great, we will more surely keep our balance, provided we remember, and repeat to ourselves, a particular prayer or phrase that has appealed to us in our reading or meditation.
10.
... balance sheet, crediting ourselves with things well ... 12&12 p.89, Step Ten
Here we cast up a balance sheet, crediting ourselves with things well done, and chalking up debits where due.
11.
... balance sheet for the day. 12&12 p.93, Step Ten
When evening comes, perhaps just before going to sleep, many of us draw up a balance sheet for the day.
12.
... balance, the religions of mankind had done ... BB p.11, Bill's Story Go to page 11 in the Big Book
I honestly doubted whether, on balance, the religions of mankind had done any good.
I believe the more our minds become balanced,the more our lives and actions become balanced
good topic
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((Fernaceman)))))
You know, in my early sobriety I WANTED it (it being everything) ALL, and I wanted
it RIGHT NOW.
At one of the meetings I went to with my sponsor I was watching a woman take a
20 year cake and my sponsor leaned over to me and said 'you will get 20 years, One
Day At A Time". roflmao she knew just by the look on my face because she had
been where I was. She herself had just taken a 16 years cake the week before.
You will get balance in your life. However, I would guess that you drank for a lot
longer than 52, 53 days and it is going to take you a lot longer than that to find the
balance you are looking for.
For now, keep going to your meetings, work with your sponsor, arrive at your job
a bit early every day, and do your BEST all day. Make out a budget as to what has
to come out of EACH paycheck without fail, and pay those items immediately upon
receiving your paycheck, then take enough of what is left to be able to cover the
7th tradition at each meeting you go to. What you have left, is what you live on
(food, gas, etc) until the next paycheck.
Now what you will see starting to happen, slowly, very slowly, is those financial
obligations (overdue debts, etc plus ongoing current debts of rent, utilities, etc)
will be taken care of, you will start to develop a schedule in your daily life, those
around you will start to see a bit different 'you' emerging (more calmness and
serenity in your demeanor, your laugh will start to be real, your eyes will start
to sparkle, etc).
Slowly the 12 promises on pages 83 and 84 will start to happen as you continue
working those steps and upon completion you start learning how to LIVE those
12 steps daily.
This is when you start learning PATIENCE.
Oh and one more thing while all this is happening .......................... ENJOY
THE NEW LIFE YOUR ARE FINDING, you will NOT regret it.
Patience my young friend, patience.
Love and hugs,
You know, in my early sobriety I WANTED it (it being everything) ALL, and I wanted
it RIGHT NOW.
At one of the meetings I went to with my sponsor I was watching a woman take a
20 year cake and my sponsor leaned over to me and said 'you will get 20 years, One
Day At A Time". roflmao she knew just by the look on my face because she had
been where I was. She herself had just taken a 16 years cake the week before.
You will get balance in your life. However, I would guess that you drank for a lot
longer than 52, 53 days and it is going to take you a lot longer than that to find the
balance you are looking for.
For now, keep going to your meetings, work with your sponsor, arrive at your job
a bit early every day, and do your BEST all day. Make out a budget as to what has
to come out of EACH paycheck without fail, and pay those items immediately upon
receiving your paycheck, then take enough of what is left to be able to cover the
7th tradition at each meeting you go to. What you have left, is what you live on
(food, gas, etc) until the next paycheck.
Now what you will see starting to happen, slowly, very slowly, is those financial
obligations (overdue debts, etc plus ongoing current debts of rent, utilities, etc)
will be taken care of, you will start to develop a schedule in your daily life, those
around you will start to see a bit different 'you' emerging (more calmness and
serenity in your demeanor, your laugh will start to be real, your eyes will start
to sparkle, etc).
Slowly the 12 promises on pages 83 and 84 will start to happen as you continue
working those steps and upon completion you start learning how to LIVE those
12 steps daily.
This is when you start learning PATIENCE.
Oh and one more thing while all this is happening .......................... ENJOY
THE NEW LIFE YOUR ARE FINDING, you will NOT regret it.
Patience my young friend, patience.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Posts: 367
Originally Posted by Fernaceman
I guess I am just trying to FORCE things to happen. Trying to FORCE good things to happen as a result of my recovery.
For me balance and moderation probably wasn't my long suit and as likely as not never will be. I'm simply delighted I'm not the guy that I am when I'm drinking, after that, the rest is small stuff.
A lot of us love to feel so unique and blame every element of our personality on our allergy to alcohol. Some experience in the world has shown me that alcoholics don't have the monopoly on that sort of personality and people who can take or leave a drink don't run around worrying about it if that's how they approach life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
A sponsor of mine for 31 years told me once to try to strike a balance of AA, Work, Love and Play.
AA-Morning meditation, call to someone in the program, or a meeting. One or any combination or anything else you can think of to stay in contact with AA.
Work-Put in a good days work, keeping in mind that it's worth having and doing to the best of my ability.
Love-Treating my family and friends as if they are family and friends and not someone I'm obliged to tolerate. Do something anonymously for someone just because. Or, anything else you can come up with.
Play-Something for myself and no one else. A purely selfish act for me bacause I'm happy with me and I enjoy being me. If I choose to involve someone special, that's ok but they can't know my reasons for including them.
It's worth noting that Pat said that what I choose to do can be very simple and unplanned but it's important to try to do these things.
Sounds like fun....right??
AA-Morning meditation, call to someone in the program, or a meeting. One or any combination or anything else you can think of to stay in contact with AA.
Work-Put in a good days work, keeping in mind that it's worth having and doing to the best of my ability.
Love-Treating my family and friends as if they are family and friends and not someone I'm obliged to tolerate. Do something anonymously for someone just because. Or, anything else you can come up with.
Play-Something for myself and no one else. A purely selfish act for me bacause I'm happy with me and I enjoy being me. If I choose to involve someone special, that's ok but they can't know my reasons for including them.
It's worth noting that Pat said that what I choose to do can be very simple and unplanned but it's important to try to do these things.
Sounds like fun....right??
Trudger of Happy Destiny
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 1,918
Originally Posted by Music
A sponsor of mine for 31 years told me once to try to strike a balance of AA, Work, Love and Play.
AA-Morning meditation, call to someone in the program, or a meeting. One or any combination or anything else you can think of to stay in contact with AA.
Work-Put in a good days work, keeping in mind that it's worth having and doing to the best of my ability.
Love-Treating my family and friends as if they are family and friends and not someone I'm obliged to tolerate. Do something anonymously for someone just because. Or, anything else you can come up with.
Play-Something for myself and no one else. A purely selfish act for me bacause I'm happy with me and I enjoy being me. If I choose to involve someone special, that's ok but they can't know my reasons for including them.
It's worth noting that Pat said that what I choose to do can be very simple and unplanned but it's important to try to do these things.
Sounds like fun....right??
AA-Morning meditation, call to someone in the program, or a meeting. One or any combination or anything else you can think of to stay in contact with AA.
Work-Put in a good days work, keeping in mind that it's worth having and doing to the best of my ability.
Love-Treating my family and friends as if they are family and friends and not someone I'm obliged to tolerate. Do something anonymously for someone just because. Or, anything else you can come up with.
Play-Something for myself and no one else. A purely selfish act for me bacause I'm happy with me and I enjoy being me. If I choose to involve someone special, that's ok but they can't know my reasons for including them.
It's worth noting that Pat said that what I choose to do can be very simple and unplanned but it's important to try to do these things.
Sounds like fun....right??
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Cleveland Ohio
Posts: 133
Balance is what the tight rope walker had 1 split second before he fell on his ass. Don't worry about it................worry about vigilance, constant vigilance.............balance will eventually find you
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 536
I didn't know that the all-or-nothing thing was a trait we have in common. I am also a perfectionist. I paint and create things, and if they aren't perfect, I start over. I hear you on wanting everything right now. Me too
Trudger of Happy Destiny
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 1,918
Originally Posted by Junebugapril
I didn't know that the all-or-nothing thing was a trait we have in common. I am also a perfectionist. I paint and create things, and if they aren't perfect, I start over. I hear you on wanting everything right now. Me too
You will start to see many patterns here, and in meetings as well.
Trudger of Happy Destiny
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 1,918
Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr
I suggest reading the third step in the 12/12 and the Chapter "How It Works" in the Big Book
My ego and pride wanted to be insulted by the comment. I appreciate the simple suggestion.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 536
Originally Posted by Fernaceman
Is this directed towards me? I guess it doesn't matter, lol. I love reading the 12 x 12 and the big book!
My ego and pride wanted to be insulted by the comment. I appreciate the simple suggestion.
My ego and pride wanted to be insulted by the comment. I appreciate the simple suggestion.
Errrr.....oh wait, that was you! Ahhh, don't be insulted, you're my role model!
Hugs!
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