Does anybody else get uncomfortable when you're doing well?
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Does anybody else get uncomfortable when you're doing well?
Hi, I was looking to find, does anyone else out there get uncomfortable when they're doing well with sobriety?
I am hitting nine months and the last two days I did some self sabotaging, because life is getting easier the longer I stay sober, and things go more smoothly... So I sabotaged with canceling some appts for no reason and not following up on things I was feeling good about etc.
Not scared, I used to feel that. This is more like Who AM I if I don't defeat myself? I don't know this woman.
Not complaining,... Just wondering if I am alone in this?
Sorry, it seems a pithy concern when others are struggling fo quit. It probably sounds like a problem others wish they DID have!
I am hitting nine months and the last two days I did some self sabotaging, because life is getting easier the longer I stay sober, and things go more smoothly... So I sabotaged with canceling some appts for no reason and not following up on things I was feeling good about etc.
Not scared, I used to feel that. This is more like Who AM I if I don't defeat myself? I don't know this woman.
Not complaining,... Just wondering if I am alone in this?
Sorry, it seems a pithy concern when others are struggling fo quit. It probably sounds like a problem others wish they DID have!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
well, I felt very uncomfortable feeling happy...it wasn't just that it was unfamiliar...I felt like I didn't deserve it for a long time.
But gradually those old wounds healed and my new life fits me like a glove now.
I defined myself by my struggles too, for years, long before I even drank...
I just decided enough was enough - I needed a new self definition and a new more positive unit of measurement
D
But gradually those old wounds healed and my new life fits me like a glove now.
I defined myself by my struggles too, for years, long before I even drank...
I just decided enough was enough - I needed a new self definition and a new more positive unit of measurement
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Oh yes, I definitely felt uncomfortable. I knew all about failing and actually felt comfortable with that situation, whether it was drinking or other areas of my life. Succeeding scared me to death. I had no idea what it would be like and how it would feel. So, I kept sabotaging myself in my early recovery with very negative thoughts. It's just as you said, I wondered who on earth was this woman I had become?
I really had to make a conscious decision that 'Yes', I deserve a good life. We all do.
I really had to make a conscious decision that 'Yes', I deserve a good life. We all do.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 516
Well we're definitely all masters of self-sabotage!
I know what you mean. It's definitely an unfamiliar and, for me, an uncomfortable feeling. Feeling good and doing what's right for ourselves is such unfamiliar territory. Not surprising we try to sabotage ourselves. I suppose it's how we've always reacted to feelings - with destructive behaviour.
I know what you mean. It's definitely an unfamiliar and, for me, an uncomfortable feeling. Feeling good and doing what's right for ourselves is such unfamiliar territory. Not surprising we try to sabotage ourselves. I suppose it's how we've always reacted to feelings - with destructive behaviour.
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Location: East Coast, The States
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Thank you all for your responses. It really helps. It helps me not heap on more bad feelings on top of the ones I am having knowing I am not alone.
Maybe I can start identifying the classic self sabotage moves I use and just begin to resist them, one or two at a time, much like I did with drinking. Though since resisting drinking was hell initially, I am telling myself that these cannot he as bad to resist!! If I tell myself I am going to stop self defeating all at once, it would be a lie. Besides they serve a purpose probably, by blocking anxiety or some such thing.
Maybe I can start identifying the classic self sabotage moves I use and just begin to resist them, one or two at a time, much like I did with drinking. Though since resisting drinking was hell initially, I am telling myself that these cannot he as bad to resist!! If I tell myself I am going to stop self defeating all at once, it would be a lie. Besides they serve a purpose probably, by blocking anxiety or some such thing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((EQ)) - I definitely went through that for all the reasons mentioned above. Not to mention, I was used to chaos for a loooong time, I was extremely uncomfortable when things were calm.
Good news is, it does get better and I think recognizing when you're doing something that seems like self-sabotage is the first step to getting past it
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Good news is, it does get better and I think recognizing when you're doing something that seems like self-sabotage is the first step to getting past it
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Southwest Ohio
Posts: 103
I agree with Impurrfect about the chaos. In fact I might have been addicted to chaos and crazy as well. When things go really well for me I always have a suspicion that right around the corner something bad is waiting to pounce on me. My favorite (sarcastic) is finding flaws in otherwise good situations, thats the alcoholic thinking in me. Finding a reason for no reason to just be mad. Being angry or upset is easier than actually facing issues. Nonsense. Bleh, it should pass with time I believe.
Phoenix.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: The Brew.
Posts: 117
Oh my gosh.. Thank you for posting this.
I've been getting this sinking feeling for the past few days that things can't be right because they're running smoothly..
I feel like, I don't know.. Some other shoe has to drop?
But what I think it really is is that my brain's running smoother.. I don't think I freak out as much. I don't think my life is as awful as I used to..
And then I scramble in my head to find something to be pissed about!
But things are good!
I have so much more money now that I quit drinking and smoking all of it!
I have so much more time!
I'm not involved with someone who makes me miserable!
This thread really helps. Thanks, Eternal!
All of your threads help me immensely.
Maybe I should start doing some more creative activities, or something.
Maybe it's when I start sitting around doing nothing that I get nutty. Lol.
I've been getting this sinking feeling for the past few days that things can't be right because they're running smoothly..
I feel like, I don't know.. Some other shoe has to drop?
But what I think it really is is that my brain's running smoother.. I don't think I freak out as much. I don't think my life is as awful as I used to..
And then I scramble in my head to find something to be pissed about!
But things are good!
I have so much more money now that I quit drinking and smoking all of it!
I have so much more time!
I'm not involved with someone who makes me miserable!
This thread really helps. Thanks, Eternal!
All of your threads help me immensely.
Maybe I should start doing some more creative activities, or something.
Maybe it's when I start sitting around doing nothing that I get nutty. Lol.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Eternal.
I can relate to this. Actually, I am feeling uncomfortable every time I am doing well, not just with sobriety. Such a difficult issue to believe you deserve it.
I think it is our subconscious troubles us - it was formed back in old times when worries were part of defensive mechanism for a human being. It gets easier after some time.
Thank you for this posts (and all others too)
I believe you will c
I can relate to this. Actually, I am feeling uncomfortable every time I am doing well, not just with sobriety. Such a difficult issue to believe you deserve it.
I think it is our subconscious troubles us - it was formed back in old times when worries were part of defensive mechanism for a human being. It gets easier after some time.
Thank you for this posts (and all others too)
I believe you will c
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Thank you bgh and lilgold. Knowing others have their version of this really helps!
Casta and Midnight, same as above. Also I am glad you find the threads helpful. I find it helpful when others respond to them and also I think people who are thinking about joining SR read them ....and so each time you repond it brings the thread back to the top to be seen. And that can only help those just starting (or just thinking about starting.)
Close to Recovery: Yes your post did help! You are good at being supportive... And I appreciate you taking the time to do so.
Casta and Midnight, same as above. Also I am glad you find the threads helpful. I find it helpful when others respond to them and also I think people who are thinking about joining SR read them ....and so each time you repond it brings the thread back to the top to be seen. And that can only help those just starting (or just thinking about starting.)
Close to Recovery: Yes your post did help! You are good at being supportive... And I appreciate you taking the time to do so.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
It is as if I want to hide from others that I function now, just like I wanted to hide from others that I didn't function, before. So I backslide in my functioning, deliberately. Guess I just want to hide from others either way?
My life was a HUGE mess literally and figuratively when I quit. I am probably about 60% cleaned up from the mess now. And as I continue to get my life in order I know I think: what will I do when I don't have my big mess to clean up?
I am afraid more will be expected of me before I feel ready to give it. It is like how some people describe extra weight: as a shield. I have been shielding myself from the bright light of life for a long time. I fear it will overwhelm me.
I hope this makes sense.
My life was a HUGE mess literally and figuratively when I quit. I am probably about 60% cleaned up from the mess now. And as I continue to get my life in order I know I think: what will I do when I don't have my big mess to clean up?
I am afraid more will be expected of me before I feel ready to give it. It is like how some people describe extra weight: as a shield. I have been shielding myself from the bright light of life for a long time. I fear it will overwhelm me.
I hope this makes sense.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
A mindful awareness of these thoughts as they come in has helped me a lot through that stage, and it is a stage. I'm just boppin' along, walking on sunshine, doo dah doo dah, and then the self talk starts. 'OK, now this next big thing has to happen, I really should do this thing at work / Nah, there's no point, it won't work, and it doesn't really have to be done right now anyway'.
The mindful awareness lets me stop. Right. There. What. Are. You. Doing.
Buster.
So I take a few minutes of simply watching me have this dialogue, like I am reading about me in a book or watching a documentary about people in early sobriety, whatever, an objective point of view somehow.
Often at this point, I can see that I am afraid of something happening. I believe that I will be disappointed, rejected, discouraged, denied, embarrassed. I think that I might fail, and that has always been hard to deal with for me.
I can look at why I think that these things will happen, what assumption did I make to make me think like this? Sometimes I realize I have assumed something that really is just not true. Other times, I use that idea to change my plan so that I have looked after this certain potential problem. And then I do it. Full speed ahead. Onward!
The best self talk for me now is the realization that I have quit drinking. Me. Who'da thunk that could ever happen? But I have quit drinking, and I am secure in my sobriety now. If I can do that, the only limits I have are the ones between my ears.
The mindful awareness lets me stop. Right. There. What. Are. You. Doing.
Buster.
So I take a few minutes of simply watching me have this dialogue, like I am reading about me in a book or watching a documentary about people in early sobriety, whatever, an objective point of view somehow.
Often at this point, I can see that I am afraid of something happening. I believe that I will be disappointed, rejected, discouraged, denied, embarrassed. I think that I might fail, and that has always been hard to deal with for me.
I can look at why I think that these things will happen, what assumption did I make to make me think like this? Sometimes I realize I have assumed something that really is just not true. Other times, I use that idea to change my plan so that I have looked after this certain potential problem. And then I do it. Full speed ahead. Onward!
The best self talk for me now is the realization that I have quit drinking. Me. Who'da thunk that could ever happen? But I have quit drinking, and I am secure in my sobriety now. If I can do that, the only limits I have are the ones between my ears.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Dear Fresh,
Such an excellent post! You remind me I stopped meditating daily in August, and my mindfulness has dissipated.
Thank you! Great advice, "Buster" !!
And congrats on your sobriety. : )
Such an excellent post! You remind me I stopped meditating daily in August, and my mindfulness has dissipated.
Thank you! Great advice, "Buster" !!
And congrats on your sobriety. : )
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Eternal.
It makes perfect sense. I think when you clean up all your mess you'll be ready to welcome the brightest rays of light coming into you life. It will just happen in the right time. You can borrow my hope if you wish)) Do not worry about tomorrow. I posted yesterday the extract from one of my favourite poems in the October thread. I believe, it's ok if I cite it once more for you:
"We rest.—A dream has power to poison sleep;
We rise.—One wandering thought pollutes the day;
We feel, conceive or reason, laugh or weep;
Embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away:
It is the same!—For, be it joy or sorrow,
The path of its departure still is free:
Man’s yesterday may ne’er be like his morrow;
Nought may endure but Mutability."
(From Mutability by P.B.Shelly)
Have a great sober Friday!
It makes perfect sense. I think when you clean up all your mess you'll be ready to welcome the brightest rays of light coming into you life. It will just happen in the right time. You can borrow my hope if you wish)) Do not worry about tomorrow. I posted yesterday the extract from one of my favourite poems in the October thread. I believe, it's ok if I cite it once more for you:
"We rest.—A dream has power to poison sleep;
We rise.—One wandering thought pollutes the day;
We feel, conceive or reason, laugh or weep;
Embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away:
It is the same!—For, be it joy or sorrow,
The path of its departure still is free:
Man’s yesterday may ne’er be like his morrow;
Nought may endure but Mutability."
(From Mutability by P.B.Shelly)
Have a great sober Friday!
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
I went through some crazy stuff in my first year of sobriety. When I look back on it, I'm not sure how I stayed sober through it .... but also, it reminds me that I CAN get through anything sober.
It really does get better and better.
It really does get better and better.
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