Son Arrested
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Join Date: Sep 2012
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Son Arrested
Well so much for my son doing so well. He had 3 weeks sober and last night started drinking. He was arrested for public drunk this morning at 6am. Which means he was probably drinking all night.
Oh well, I guess he will sleep it off in jail.
This is the reason I didn't give him the car!!!!
Surprisingly, I'm not crying and emotionally distraught. For that I credit this board.
Oh well, I guess he will sleep it off in jail.
This is the reason I didn't give him the car!!!!
Surprisingly, I'm not crying and emotionally distraught. For that I credit this board.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: northeast
Posts: 468
I am sorry- I know how difficult the roller coaster of hope and despair can be.
I think it may be a good thing he was arrested- at least he is experiencing consequences from his drinking and hopefully these will help him reach his bottom and get serious about recovery.
Do you think he would benefit from more structure like some kind of a sober living environment?
I think it may be a good thing he was arrested- at least he is experiencing consequences from his drinking and hopefully these will help him reach his bottom and get serious about recovery.
Do you think he would benefit from more structure like some kind of a sober living environment?
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Originally Posted by HopefulmomtoD 
I am sorry- I know how difficult the roller coaster of hope and despair can be.
I think it may be a good thing he was arrested- at least he is experiencing consequences from his drinking and hopefully these will help him reach his bottom and get serious about recovery.
Do you think he would benefit from more structure like some kind of a sober living environment?
I think it may be a good thing he was arrested- at least he is experiencing consequences from his drinking and hopefully these will help him reach his bottom and get serious about recovery.
Do you think he would benefit from more structure like some kind of a sober living environment?
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Mass
Posts: 149
You know what is so ironic about this whole situation. I have had such a fear of the phone ringing in the middle of the night that I sleep with the lights on. Last night when I went to bed I turned the lights off. For the first time in forever I really thought son was moving in the right direction.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Northeast
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If your son is like my daughter, sometimes they just have to learn the hard way. In my daughter, always! At least he got caught and there are consequences for him. Hopefully that will be another step in his waking up.
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Location: Midwest, USA
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Yikes. I hate this rollercoaster.
I doubt the job is in jeopardy. Unless he's looking at a felony, I don't believe he legally has anything to account for to a company.
Truth! Different playgrounds, different playmates. College is difficult because so much of the socialization revolves around drinking and bars. I live in a college town and even as a non-college adult, it feels like all of the recreation revolves around drinking and bars. I'm a moderate drinker anymore, but I joined a bike club to try and find some sober friends, and they rode their bikes to the bars. :P
It took me a long time to figure out, though, that this is the field we're playing on. Other people are going to keep drinking, some of them will drink problematically, some events will have alcohol there. The alcoholic has to navigate those waters with the rest of us. Avoidance only works for so long. Minimizing contact with triggers is wise, and knowing how to manage those triggers is also wise. These are the breaks. Until your son figures out that A+B+C=Trouble and trouble is something that he does not want, this is his journey.
It's so important for you to take care of yourself, be gentle with yourself, and keep in mind that he's dealing with a real disease of the mind and body. It helps me to find my compassion because it's so easy to dive into that anger and frustration and swim around. How are you today?
I doubt the job is in jeopardy. Unless he's looking at a felony, I don't believe he legally has anything to account for to a company.
The biggest issue is that one can not try to recovery while still doing the same things and hanging out with the same group he did when he was drinking.
It took me a long time to figure out, though, that this is the field we're playing on. Other people are going to keep drinking, some of them will drink problematically, some events will have alcohol there. The alcoholic has to navigate those waters with the rest of us. Avoidance only works for so long. Minimizing contact with triggers is wise, and knowing how to manage those triggers is also wise. These are the breaks. Until your son figures out that A+B+C=Trouble and trouble is something that he does not want, this is his journey.
It's so important for you to take care of yourself, be gentle with yourself, and keep in mind that he's dealing with a real disease of the mind and body. It helps me to find my compassion because it's so easy to dive into that anger and frustration and swim around. How are you today?
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Northeast
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I just wanted to add that my daughter is also an A. She has 2 1/2 years sober now. It took a while, but she found her way to sobriety. She is a delightful person now and a wonderful mother to my granddaughter. There is hope, but they learn on their own timetable unfortunately. I have scars from the worrying I did for years. Keep on keeping up with you and your growth--it is the only way I have gotten through those years and now the years with my AH. Hugs to you.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: northeast
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As hard as it is, it sounds like you know what you have to do (or not do). It is up to him- all you can do is enforce your boundaries.
I understand the desire to get him to finish school on time and hopefully he will. I certainly don't know what the answer is. Your son reminds me of my 22 RAS in some ways and not in others. In our case, my RAS's life had hit bottom and he wanted to change. He went to a week long program and was convinced he would never drink again. Came home and he was drinking again in days (the alcoholic brain telling him that he could now control it.)
They are young and this disease is hard to control. My son needed a longer program (30 day) to get some decent sober time and a good start on working a program. He's now over 6 months into his recovery (with one, one drink, relapse over a month ago) and living in a sober living home and seems to be doing very well.
Not having him living in my home and drinking has been wonderful for me. ;- )
I understand the desire to get him to finish school on time and hopefully he will. I certainly don't know what the answer is. Your son reminds me of my 22 RAS in some ways and not in others. In our case, my RAS's life had hit bottom and he wanted to change. He went to a week long program and was convinced he would never drink again. Came home and he was drinking again in days (the alcoholic brain telling him that he could now control it.)
They are young and this disease is hard to control. My son needed a longer program (30 day) to get some decent sober time and a good start on working a program. He's now over 6 months into his recovery (with one, one drink, relapse over a month ago) and living in a sober living home and seems to be doing very well.
Not having him living in my home and drinking has been wonderful for me. ;- )
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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BSA, I'm so sorry you've had this set-back just when things were leveling out. Relapse is a normal part of recovery -- this should not take him all the way back to step one or negate the progress he has made. Your outlook is strong and forthright as always!
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Dear BlueSkiesAgain, I am sorry you are going through this. period.
However, I am proud of your ability to stay centered in the face of this! So hard, I know.
This age group is so difficult because the peer group feels like "everything" to them. I don't think I ever met an alcoholic who didn't want to do controlled drinking---even when they admitted that they had a "problem"---especially, in the beginning of recovery. Their disease begs them to hang on to their friend (alcohol). It seems that they can only learn this by trial and error. Uggh!
BlueSkies, this is why it is so vital for you to direct your energies into the direction of your own personal life. This is what will keep you strong. I think of it as the antidote for "mother pain". Believe me, if there ever was a time to re-access your own journey and look for new interests and challenges, etc....it is now.
By the way, (if you care to say), how is his father with the recent happening?
I am keeping you (and son) in my heart and thoughts.
sincerely, dandylion
However, I am proud of your ability to stay centered in the face of this! So hard, I know.
This age group is so difficult because the peer group feels like "everything" to them. I don't think I ever met an alcoholic who didn't want to do controlled drinking---even when they admitted that they had a "problem"---especially, in the beginning of recovery. Their disease begs them to hang on to their friend (alcohol). It seems that they can only learn this by trial and error. Uggh!
BlueSkies, this is why it is so vital for you to direct your energies into the direction of your own personal life. This is what will keep you strong. I think of it as the antidote for "mother pain". Believe me, if there ever was a time to re-access your own journey and look for new interests and challenges, etc....it is now.
By the way, (if you care to say), how is his father with the recent happening?
I am keeping you (and son) in my heart and thoughts.
sincerely, dandylion
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Join Date: Sep 2012
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My husband is angry. My husband has no sympathy or compassion for AS right now. S is not living at home now and he will not be allowed to come back because one of my boundaries is I will NOT live with an active alcoholic.
My son doesn't even know that I know because he hasn't called. I guess he will be calling a friend to let get him out. We just feel like we are at wits end. Hopefully, this will be the time that he gets it. I hope when he gets out he will contact his AA sponsor but that is up to him. Who knows what he plans.
My son doesn't even know that I know because he hasn't called. I guess he will be calling a friend to let get him out. We just feel like we are at wits end. Hopefully, this will be the time that he gets it. I hope when he gets out he will contact his AA sponsor but that is up to him. Who knows what he plans.
Originally Posted by dandylion
Dear BlueSkiesAgain, I am sorry you are going through this. period.
However, I am proud of your ability to stay centered in the face of this! So hard, I know.
This age group is so difficult because the peer group feels like "everything" to them. I don't think I ever met an alcoholic who didn't want to do controlled drinking---even when they admitted that they had a "problem"---especially, in the beginning of recovery. Their disease begs them to hang on to their friend (alcohol). It seems that they can only learn this by trial and error. Uggh!
BlueSkies, this is why it is so vital for you to direct your energies into the direction of your own personal life. This is what will keep you strong. I think of it as the antidote for "mother pain". Believe me, if there ever was a time to re-access your own journey and look for new interests and challenges, etc....it is now.
By the way, (if you care to say), how is his father with the recent happening?
I am keeping you (and son) in my heart and thoughts.
sincerely, dandylion
However, I am proud of your ability to stay centered in the face of this! So hard, I know.
This age group is so difficult because the peer group feels like "everything" to them. I don't think I ever met an alcoholic who didn't want to do controlled drinking---even when they admitted that they had a "problem"---especially, in the beginning of recovery. Their disease begs them to hang on to their friend (alcohol). It seems that they can only learn this by trial and error. Uggh!
BlueSkies, this is why it is so vital for you to direct your energies into the direction of your own personal life. This is what will keep you strong. I think of it as the antidote for "mother pain". Believe me, if there ever was a time to re-access your own journey and look for new interests and challenges, etc....it is now.
By the way, (if you care to say), how is his father with the recent happening?
I am keeping you (and son) in my heart and thoughts.
sincerely, dandylion
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear BlueSkies, I am not surprised that your husband is angry. It is the natural first reaction, anyway. I'm guessing that you are, also, but you have already learned so much about the disease that you can more easily put it into a different context.
Hopefully, you and hubby can talk---after the dust has settled, of course. My advice is to try to avoid getting "split" with your spouse. If you stay steady on your course and exercise a LOT of patience, he may take your lead. This is such a challenge for the whole family. You can see why they call it a "family disease".
Keep your faith. You are doing a masterful job.
dandylion
Hopefully, you and hubby can talk---after the dust has settled, of course. My advice is to try to avoid getting "split" with your spouse. If you stay steady on your course and exercise a LOT of patience, he may take your lead. This is such a challenge for the whole family. You can see why they call it a "family disease".
Keep your faith. You are doing a masterful job.
dandylion
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Mass
Posts: 149
AS is out of jail. Truly seems devastated because he had tried so hard. He thinks the best thing for him is to go to a 30 day program and then move forward from there. He does want help and knows he has a problem he just doesn't think he knows how move forward on his own.
He has asked to stay at our house for the weekend and get a referral for the program on Monday. I am totally at a lost of what to do. An AA meeting starts in 45 minutes and he has asked his father to take him. I know it sounds bad but if this is the bottom he really needed then I'm glad he hit it.
Writing this is the only time I have cried all day but I truly see a broken child and I believe he does want help.
Please say extra prayers for us over the next few days.
He has asked to stay at our house for the weekend and get a referral for the program on Monday. I am totally at a lost of what to do. An AA meeting starts in 45 minutes and he has asked his father to take him. I know it sounds bad but if this is the bottom he really needed then I'm glad he hit it.
Writing this is the only time I have cried all day but I truly see a broken child and I believe he does want help.
Please say extra prayers for us over the next few days.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: northeast
Posts: 468
I still remember the day that if finally hit me that my son could NOT stop drinking. And, that he needed help.
Thanks for the update. Hang in there.
You may find your insurance won't cover a 30 day rehab- ours did not. They only covered outpatient. ;- (
Thanks for the update. Hang in there.
You may find your insurance won't cover a 30 day rehab- ours did not. They only covered outpatient. ;- (
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear BlueSkies, try think of it think of it this way: It is good that your son feels very bad about this incident. The more painful this is for him---the more likely he will begin to realize that he can't do controlled drinking---and that catastrophic things happen if he drinks.
If this was just a minor inconvenience to him---probably no lesson learned.
I recently heard someone say: The seeds of recovery are in the crisis.
Day at a time. Serenity prayer.
sincerely, dandylion
If this was just a minor inconvenience to him---probably no lesson learned.
I recently heard someone say: The seeds of recovery are in the crisis.
Day at a time. Serenity prayer.
sincerely, dandylion
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
BlueSkies,
I cant add to what anyone said; but I recall when my husband and I were seperated that weird feeling that would hit me; thinking something is wrong with him and fearing the phone ringing at night. My prayers to you, your family and yoru son. I hope this will help him make changes in his life.
I cant add to what anyone said; but I recall when my husband and I were seperated that weird feeling that would hit me; thinking something is wrong with him and fearing the phone ringing at night. My prayers to you, your family and yoru son. I hope this will help him make changes in his life.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by BlueSkiesAgain
You know what is so ironic about this whole situation. I have had such a fear of the phone ringing in the middle of the night that I sleep with the lights on. Last night when I went to bed I turned the lights off. For the first time in forever I really thought son was moving in the right direction.
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