Guilt & Shame
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 67
Guilt & Shame
hi, my first post here and my first day sober from alcohol.
I'm sure this is not a new concept here but one of the hardest things for me is dealing with guilt and shame. Often I can't remember what I do when I'm drunk and my mind goes into this intense self-blame and humiliation. I know I've never got into a physical fight, cheated on my wife, lost my job (although pretty close on that front!) or other more serious stuff.... I generally just make an ass of myself and say inappropriate stuff or blare obnoxious music in my apartment, but it feels like I'm a really worthless person. I'll stay up all night going over the fragments of what happened in a recent binge and fill in the black out with huge slabs of shame. sometimes it feels like I truly deserve to feel this but other times it seems inappropriate to feel so bad.
It's really hard not to drink when I feel so embarrassed by myself. Drinking causes me to do stupid stuff and then I drink to avoid feeling bad about it.
I'm not sure what kind of response to expect here but I guess I just wanted to get that off my chest. I feel so held back with guilt for my drinking and I just want to feel better, like I'm worth getting better for. I'm so sick of waking up with a feeling of dread.
I'm sure this is not a new concept here but one of the hardest things for me is dealing with guilt and shame. Often I can't remember what I do when I'm drunk and my mind goes into this intense self-blame and humiliation. I know I've never got into a physical fight, cheated on my wife, lost my job (although pretty close on that front!) or other more serious stuff.... I generally just make an ass of myself and say inappropriate stuff or blare obnoxious music in my apartment, but it feels like I'm a really worthless person. I'll stay up all night going over the fragments of what happened in a recent binge and fill in the black out with huge slabs of shame. sometimes it feels like I truly deserve to feel this but other times it seems inappropriate to feel so bad.
It's really hard not to drink when I feel so embarrassed by myself. Drinking causes me to do stupid stuff and then I drink to avoid feeling bad about it.
I'm not sure what kind of response to expect here but I guess I just wanted to get that off my chest. I feel so held back with guilt for my drinking and I just want to feel better, like I'm worth getting better for. I'm so sick of waking up with a feeling of dread.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,547
hi Alcofribas 
I think most of us deal with guilt and shame from things we've done.
The thing is - they're done...no amount of effort can undo them.
you can bemoan that, and wring your hands...but nothing can change.
The thing is tho - all is not lost
we have today - and we can do a heck of a lot about what we do today.
I used to be the neighbourhood drunk - I wasn't homeless (not quite) but yes, I was 'that guy' - drunk, bleary eyed, unwashed, reeking of booze...
I was a mess. My life was a mess.
but...I cleaned up my act, turned my life around...and now noone remembers me as that guy - noone who matters anyway
My life is full, I'm happy and content, and I have a lot of purpose in my life. I can look at myself in the eyes in the mirror again.
Focus on today and beyond Alcofribas...you'll be glad you did
D
I think most of us deal with guilt and shame from things we've done.
The thing is - they're done...no amount of effort can undo them.
you can bemoan that, and wring your hands...but nothing can change.
The thing is tho - all is not lost
we have today - and we can do a heck of a lot about what we do today.
I used to be the neighbourhood drunk - I wasn't homeless (not quite) but yes, I was 'that guy' - drunk, bleary eyed, unwashed, reeking of booze...
I was a mess. My life was a mess.
but...I cleaned up my act, turned my life around...and now noone remembers me as that guy - noone who matters anyway
My life is full, I'm happy and content, and I have a lot of purpose in my life. I can look at myself in the eyes in the mirror again.
Focus on today and beyond Alcofribas...you'll be glad you did
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
i think everyone can relate to that.
there are some moments that i think back to in my life, and i am so so ashamed of them. horribly sad, guilty and ashamed.
i'm only happy about one thing, i'll never have to feel guilty or make a fool out of myself again. or be "one of those" drunks.
these kinds of feelings come with the territory, if you wish to be a village drunk you must accept all the "glamour" that comes with it.
or you can be sober.
there are some moments that i think back to in my life, and i am so so ashamed of them. horribly sad, guilty and ashamed.
i'm only happy about one thing, i'll never have to feel guilty or make a fool out of myself again. or be "one of those" drunks.
these kinds of feelings come with the territory, if you wish to be a village drunk you must accept all the "glamour" that comes with it.
or you can be sober.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,618
Welcome Alcofribas. Yes, we can all relate to how you're feeling. Drinking turned me into my evil twin - a person who made dangerous and thoughtless decisions.
The real me is very considerate and kind. In order to let the sober me thrive and have a new life, I had to stop replaying all that horrible stuff in my head. There's nothing we can do to fix what's happened - but we can be determined that from now on we'll never let ourselves be victimized by alcohol again.
Give yourself a break, be kind to the you that's trying so hard to get well. It's fine to remember where you've been, but please don't let the past hold you down and keep you from enjoying the new life that's waiting for you.
The real me is very considerate and kind. In order to let the sober me thrive and have a new life, I had to stop replaying all that horrible stuff in my head. There's nothing we can do to fix what's happened - but we can be determined that from now on we'll never let ourselves be victimized by alcohol again.
Give yourself a break, be kind to the you that's trying so hard to get well. It's fine to remember where you've been, but please don't let the past hold you down and keep you from enjoying the new life that's waiting for you.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Welcome! I think we've all experienced the shame and guilt associated with drinking or drugs. Only thing you can do is move towards a more positive lifestyle and realize you don't ever have to feel that way again. Probably everyone who's ever drank to excess has experienced the same thing, so don't feel you're alone in this-far from it!
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
You may find this article helpful -------->Ernest Kurtz, Shame & Guilt
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
I wrote this in my early sobriety two years ago, maybe it will help clarify what you are saying, by saying it a bit differently.
"Alcohol provides us an avenue to run away from all of our problems . . . except the results of using alcohol. <sigh>"
"Alcohol provides us an avenue to run away from all of our problems . . . except the results of using alcohol. <sigh>"
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Alabama
Posts: 239
One of the main reasons I stopped the last time (day 5 again) is that I starting bringing attention to myself (which I never let happen). I am a nighttime drinker who rarely drinks socially for fear of making a fool of myself.
The last few months, I would have late night conversations with my wife and not remember them. I would swear the next morning that I would stop. So glad I finally did (again). My main reason to quit is I feel a tremendous amount of shame, and don't like the feeling.
Start taking it one day at a time. The urges will come at you strong, you have to prepare and be ready to be successful.
Toss
The last few months, I would have late night conversations with my wife and not remember them. I would swear the next morning that I would stop. So glad I finally did (again). My main reason to quit is I feel a tremendous amount of shame, and don't like the feeling.
Start taking it one day at a time. The urges will come at you strong, you have to prepare and be ready to be successful.
Toss
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