Mescal

So today is day 16 and I am feeling great. I've been working out 5 or 6 days a week and attending AA meetings 2-3 times. I have found the meetings very helpful for both listening and sharing. However, at a meeting yesterday I was getting a lot of pressure to get a sponsor. They even told me if I didn't pick one someone would just designate themselves.

To be honest I don't know If I want to do the 12 steps and I've purposely been holding off on a sponsor. I wanted to get a good month in on my own first. Even then I don't know what I'll do. Maybe I will continue with AA to just listen, maybe eventually I'll want to do steps, maybe I will stop AA and do my own thing.

All I know is after that meeting I think today was my toughest non drinking day since I started. I'm just trying to clear my head and wanted your input. Everyone had great advice here.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

Congratulations on Day 16!

I am not an AA person, and I think you should do whatever it takes for you to stay sober, whether it's AA or something else.

Mark75

Well, if you don't want a sponsor designated to you, then find another AA meeting/group... I don't think I would want my sponsor, or anything, forced on me. You gotta want this stuff...

Dee74

Hi Mescal

I'm sure you'll hear from a lot of people with experience in AA here - hopefully, that should help you make up your mind

D

bloss

If you want to continue with AA, why not try a different meeting.

artsoul

Different groups often have different ideas on the best way to work the program. They're probably just trying to look out for you and want you to succeed, but the final say rests with you.

You don't have to commit to AA to stay sober, but you do need to be honest with yourself about why you don't want to make that commitment and have some kind of plan to put in its place, I think.

I'm not attending meetings right now, either, but I come here every day and see a psychiatrist on a regular basis. I think giving yourself a month to work out what is best for you is totally reasonable.

Sapling

I came into AA 15 months ago...A hopeless, broken drunk. They told me if I followed the path that others had taken I wouldn't have to drink again and I could live happy without alcohol. I didn't have a lot of choices right then...I couldn't do it on my own...I tried. I took their suggestions and it worked. That's about as simple as I can make it. If you think you need to take a month...Take a month...If you'd rather try something else...Try something else....One thing I have learned about recovery....It's all yours.

Itchy

I am with Mark on finding another home group. Mine never tried that on me. Or I would have been looking for another home group too. Since you appear to want the cameraderie and fellowship more than getting a sponsor now I would try another group and take what you need and leave the rest. I hated the group at my first meeting and it was a week or two before I went again to another group and found the perfect group to help me recover. That was a tad over two years ago. I stopoed AA at three months so I am not coming from an AA or you are doomed position.

For some like me AA is perfect for short term getting stable. Others stay longer and make it. Others make it a way of life. All are sober and got what they needed. Remember the goal is not to please another. The goal is to get sober, and recover.

Hang in there!

Auvers

Quitting alcohol and never changing your mind is the cornerstone of whatever support system you choose. The quit part is the only part that is written in stone, the rest is all a matter of choice, what suits you and what you bring to the table in terms of strengths and needs. In my opinion, choosing the approach that fits you is very important. It is enough of a chore to deal with the issues that follow sobriety without having to struggle with people treating you as if you are a child. That is a set up for rebellion and failure.

IndaMiricale

Totally , and I am one that made it a way of life.. I had no idea at first. So like it was said if you feel to pressured go to another meeting. But I see to many people come in at first and do a couple meetings and just think to much.. Trying to read into everything said and done.. And that is just to much for us at first..

Just stay open minded and relax.. As long as you dont pick up that drink, all the other things will fall in to place...

MIRecovery

Having a sponsor appointed is very old school AA but many with long term sobriety still swear by it.

I do believe having a sponser is very important early in AA. Our best thinking got us into the mess we are in so our decision making seems to be problematic.

A sponsor my be able to suggest you do something differant and thus avoid a relapse which many are prone to do in early recovery.

The time to get a sponsor is before you need it because many times you do not know when you will need to talk to someone with good sobriety

awuh1

First, congrats on your 16 days Mescal. You have made it through a tough part of early recovery and that’s no small thing.

What happened to you is not typical but likely the result of exaggeration on the part of one individual. If they speak up again in like manner I would ask them what the third tradition states. It states that “the only requirement for (AA) membership is a desire to stop drinking”. After they recite this, just say thanks but you reserve the right to decide if, when and whom your sponsor might be.

Keep in mind that individuals who do this sort of thing are typically of the sort that needed this themselves in early sobriety. They then assume that every newcomer who walks in needs to be treated in a way that would have benefitted them at that point in sobriety.

In all likelihood this behavior is coming from concern for you. In any event don’t judge AA by the actions of a few of its members. It sounds like the face to face support has been beneficial to you.

As others have also said, a different group(s) might be more suitable.

freshstart57

Hi Mescal, great on your sober time. 16 days is great!

Your drinking was your deal, and so is getting and staying sober. I think it is very true that the people who are insisting that you do something just don't know any better, simply because that is what worked for them. They have a limited experience and think that what did it for them just has to be right for everybody.

It is up to you when you choose a sponsor, who that might be, and how you proceed through The Twelve Steps. For heaven's sake, how could it be otherwise? The good folks at your group can make a recommendation, but strong arm tactics cannot possibly succeed. There is nothing wrong with your thinking, and don't accept the opinion that your addiction disqualifies you for having a brain. Just as with your drinking, your sobriety is all up to you.

bbthumper

Congrats On your 16 days!

Different groups do things different ways. No need to stay in a group if you don't like it.

That being said I would not recommend to any AA that they wait a month to get a sponsor or start to work the steps. How soon do you want to get well? The steps are what does it.

Listening in the meetings is great. I hope you continue to do that. But at some point if we want results we have to put what we learn into action.

We can go to AA or we can do AA. Only by doing can we get the results which AA promises. And it can happen quickly. It does not have to be a long process.

I wish you the best! Stick with it!

nobshere

I think first and foremost you must be true to yourself. Choosing a sponsor is serious and it should not be a decision that is rushed or forced on you. Your first priority is to stay sober, if just attending meetings is working for you I say stick with that until you decide what path you wish to walk down.

PaperDolls

Mescal - Some great advice here already.

I certainly understand and relate to your feelings about getting a sponsor and working the steps. I felt the same way. I'm glad I didn't have anyone try to designate themselves as my sponsor. I don't think that would have worked well for me. Someone else mentioned it .... I've heard lots of folks who have been sober for some time say that's how it went for them.

I think seeking out a different meetings is a great idea. If that's not an option for some reason here's my suggestion. Find someone at the meeting who has what you want, someone you feel you can trust and just chat with one-on-one. As them about sponsorship, tell them what you're thinking and how you're feeling. Ask them what they think. See what happens.

Also, this might help you out a bit.
AA's pamphlet: Questions and Answers on Sponsorship

YoungAndClean

I feel the same way! Right now I'm 19 days sober and just attending 1 meeting 5 days or so a week is keeping me sober. I've been thinking about working the 12 steps myself and avoiding getting a sponsor because I had one before and it was pointless. If I decide I'm going to use, I'm not going to phone my sponsor beforehand, so whats the point? Calling someone everyday to 'check in' is ridiculous and I guess since my last relapse I've sort of realized that I could follow every single recomendation of AA and the Old Timers and still end up relapsing, so why put in that extra effort when in the end, the only thing thats gonna keep me sober is God and me. I can't wait to have 6+ months or a year sober, being a newcomer in AA kind of sucks.

totfit

The only requirement for membership in AA is a desire to drop drinking. The only requirement to stay sober is not do drink. You can do the latter with or without AA. If you want to go the AA route the only thing you have to have or do is a desire not to drink. That is the fellowship. If you want to work the program then that is different. Sponsorship originally was more for financing hospital stays and helping one get back on their feet. I have seen both sponsorships that were really beneficial and I have see sponsor relationships that were a power trip and very damaging. In the end it is up to you not them, whether you have a sponsor.

Mescal

thanks everyone. Good advice from all. Last nights meeting was better as we talked about family and how drinking affected them and etc. I have to say though, that the last few days i've been feeling a bit angry. As i mentioned i feel great, family is good and etc. I just wish i could forget about issues with drinking all together. I feel like every time i go to my therapist or go to AA it's a constant reminder of that fact that you don't drink normally and that you've done some crappy stuff. It's no different in my opinion than dwelling on negative feelings. My therapist says some people actually grieve about stopping drinking. That anger, resentment and denial are stages of grief. So now i'm afraid that i might be in denial about my drinking, that its problematic or that at some point i could drink again in the future. I'm just frustrated with the whole thing.

Huey

Get yourself off to either another meeting, or maybe another program. It all sounds a bit worryingly weird to me.