Titanic

Our kids never enroll. They are pre-registered in our Home-Schools of Addiction and Alcoholism, the family disease that graduates generations upon generations of Alumni unless they stop supporting those.

Please list what the children see and learn in an HSAA. Here are some thoughts:

• I don't matter, so I have to take care of things or beg and whine
• I will be abandoned, so I will need relationship shields and swords
• A shield that seems to works is Don't feel, Don't trust, Don't talk
• A sword that seems to work is pleasing others at my expense

kudzujean

My needs are just an inconvenience to other people, so I'll just try to ignore them.

I'm not important and my feelings aren't important.

Confetti

Good thread...I have been trying to see the damage that this has done to my small children from their point of view....And am trying to make corrections and assure the. That their thoughts do matter, no matter how small it may seem.

I am not worthy of love unless I do as I am told.
It is not right to have my own opinions.
My wants are not as important as other peoples.
Money equals love.
Things are more important than thoughts and feelings.

lillamy

If I'm not constantly on high alert and react to every smidgeon of emotion in the people around me, and react in the correct way (which is unpredictable and varies from occasion to occasion), really bad things happen.

Oh, and:

Bad things that happen are my fault.

4MyBoys

I see all those traits in my boys.

When I watch my 9 year old deal with all the issues dealing with his Dad it is is like watching him try to juggle balls of fire. He never wants to have a missed step. He is the sweetest most caring guy and it makes me want cry now thinking about it.....

NYCDoglvr

After seeing mom (or dad) drunk I swear I'll never drink! But I turn out an alcoholic anyway

emeraldsea

I can never ever let anyone see the real me, because the real me is just a big ball of shame. All my friends and teachers would shun me if they knew what lurks inside. So I will need to fool them all by racking up shiny accomplishments and good girl points. I will work and work and work. But I live in fear that one day they will uncover my secret.

I can never just invite friends over after school, who knows what they will find there? Again, then they will see the truth.

Whatever happens at night is not to be discussed in the morning. Just keep all it inside and act normal.

Evening Daddy and Morning Daddy cannot really be the same person. How could one be such a monster and the other be so loving and devoted? I can never be mad at morning daddy because he is so good to me. I will just swallow all the bad feelings.

I will just have to count down the hours until morning for the good Daddy to come back. So if I just stay really small and still, then maybe he won't come after me like he is going after mom. If I get good grades, I will be safe.

runnermeg94

Looks like Mommy won't be really there for me today b/c she's too busy being mad at daddy. (abandoned).

brownhorse

These poor little babies! kids don't deserve this.

NWGRITS

Yet no matter how much we do, or how well we do it, it's never good enough.

Titanic

I wear masks so I won't upset anyone (quoting EnglishGarden on another thread)

Why would you keep me in this situation? (quoting brownhorse on another thread)

Kialua

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-children.html

13 Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics paraphrased by me:

1. I guess at what normal behavior is because one day it is like this and the next day it isn't. I had no normal.

2. I have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end because I was tossed to and fro by the whims of an alcoholic.

3. I lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth because my truth was not believed.

4. I judge myself without mercy.

5. I have difficulty having fun, I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

6. I take myself very seriously.

7. I have difficulty with intimate relationships, I don't trust easily.

8. I overreact to changes over which I have no control.

9. I constantly seek approval and affirmation because I don't believe it lasts.

10. I usually feel different from other people.

11. I am super responsible (some are super irresponsible).

12. I am extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.

13. I am impulsive. I tend to lock myself into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsively leads to confusion, self-loathing and loss of control over their environment. In addition, I spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.

kkrazylex

I feel alone is a big one

WishingWell

This thread is so heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for all of you who have lived with addicted parents. So sad for children, for the damaged childhoods. Congratulations on surviving and in so many ways thriving. It is very brave to be here, healing.

Chris1000101

Alcohol was a problem with my bio-family. At eight, I was sent to foster care. I created years of hell for several families that kept my sister and me. Somewhere in my life I can recall everything that has been said so far.

Even if it is done right nothing is ever good enough.

Everything must be in its place there must be order.

Trust no one! If you tell anyone they’ll beat you too.

A release I had for anger when no one was around to be mad at was fire. I love the 4th of July but I have to be so careful of my thoughts during that time of year.

There are others but nothing really stands out except birthdays and holidays, I don’t care for them.

Chris1000101

This thing is going to haunt me for the rest of the day now . . .

Emotional extremes. I would bottle everything up as long as I could, I would be a doormat for weeks or even months, then I would finally blow. Much of the time my mouth would rip someone to shreds, on rare occasions I would actually fight. Then for the special occasions when revenge was necessary, once or twice a year, vandalism or destruction of private property was on my list. I would never attack immediately I would spend a week or two planning how to do it and not get caught.

dollydo

I hear and see everything...why don't you?

I hide in the closet because I am afraid.

Why are you leaving me alone overnight with my brother? I am 12 he is 1.

I didn't do anything...stop hitting me.

Please, Please...someone save us....

emeraldsea

Mom: Please leave him, please leave him, please leave him.

Why don't you see that this is destroying me? I am in first grade writing stories about how I want to die. Psychologists are called. But nothing changes.

Maybe he will get in a car accident one night and not make it home. Then at least we could have peace.

yogachic

I think about the things I wasn't taught more often than things I did learn in that environment. Having nieces, nephews and friends' kids around, I find myself wanting to show them things and teach them things they ask about. I remember playing on my own and with my sister a lot, but not many memories at all of being taught by my parents.

Things I thought were normal:
~ Disagreeing leads to a huge screaming fight until someone leaves for a few days and finally, forever.

~ Crying and screaming at kids almost everyday is normal, when you're a mother.

~ My fears aren't important and I'm too sensitive. I have no right of opinion.


Oh, and the smell of the house the day after heavy drinking. That stale beer and alcohol smell.

Learn2Live

"I am unimportant. I am no one. I do not matter to anyone."

"If I stay out of the way, I can't get yelled at or berated so I will stay in my room or away from home."

"Everyone else is normal and I am not normal."

"You can't trust anyone."

Wanna' know what kids in alcoholic homes THINK?
"Someone please HELP ME!"