30 days no contact...
And Presents For Pretty Girls
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 319
30 days no contact...
I feel like there should be coins given out for days of no contact!
I have hit my 30 day mark of nc with the xabf.
This is where I start to feel better about things. I don't seem to cry as much, I begin to get focused on my life again and am happy that I don't have to deal with all the drama and chaos that he brings with him.
But, 30 days is as long as we've ever gone before somehow seeing each other and returning back into our relationship.
I don't see that happening this time as so much has transpired and changed between us. But, it's easy to start out with the "let's be friends again, I miss hanging out with you" to suddenly being back in a relationship and you never saw it coming. It's usually the attraction and the familiarity of being with someone that brings us right back. We both need the time to remove the bf/gf attachment from each other.
All I have to remember is that if I do run into him somewhere, I can't avoid that. I just have to leave it at that and not have a conversation with him. That's usually where the trouble begins.
Yay for 30 days!
I have hit my 30 day mark of nc with the xabf.
This is where I start to feel better about things. I don't seem to cry as much, I begin to get focused on my life again and am happy that I don't have to deal with all the drama and chaos that he brings with him.
But, 30 days is as long as we've ever gone before somehow seeing each other and returning back into our relationship.
I don't see that happening this time as so much has transpired and changed between us. But, it's easy to start out with the "let's be friends again, I miss hanging out with you" to suddenly being back in a relationship and you never saw it coming. It's usually the attraction and the familiarity of being with someone that brings us right back. We both need the time to remove the bf/gf attachment from each other.
All I have to remember is that if I do run into him somewhere, I can't avoid that. I just have to leave it at that and not have a conversation with him. That's usually where the trouble begins.
Yay for 30 days!
yay! Good for you!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 32
Originally Posted by dollydo 
That's it...by the way...addicts have no friends, they just use other people for their own gratification.
wouldn't be controlled or manipulated (anymore), he cut me out of his life. By asserting boundaries, I was no longer of use. Sorry, still hurts, still love him.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 32
Originally Posted by itsmylifenow
I feel like there should be coins given out for days of no contact!
I have hit my 30 day mark of nc with the xabf.
This is where I start to feel better about things. I don't seem to cry as much, I begin to get focused on my life again and am happy that I don't have to deal with all the drama and chaos that he brings with him.
But, 30 days is as long as we've ever gone before somehow seeing each other and returning back into our relationship.
I don't see that happening this time as so much has transpired and changed between us. But, it's easy to start out with the "let's be friends again, I miss hanging out with you" to suddenly being back in a relationship and you never saw it coming. It's usually the attraction and the familiarity of being with someone that brings us right back. We both need the time to remove the bf/gf attachment from each other.
All I have to remember is that if I do run into him somewhere, I can't avoid that. I just have to leave it at that and not have a conversation with him. That's usually where the trouble begins.
Yay for 30 days!
I have hit my 30 day mark of nc with the xabf.
This is where I start to feel better about things. I don't seem to cry as much, I begin to get focused on my life again and am happy that I don't have to deal with all the drama and chaos that he brings with him.
But, 30 days is as long as we've ever gone before somehow seeing each other and returning back into our relationship.
I don't see that happening this time as so much has transpired and changed between us. But, it's easy to start out with the "let's be friends again, I miss hanging out with you" to suddenly being back in a relationship and you never saw it coming. It's usually the attraction and the familiarity of being with someone that brings us right back. We both need the time to remove the bf/gf attachment from each other.
All I have to remember is that if I do run into him somewhere, I can't avoid that. I just have to leave it at that and not have a conversation with him. That's usually where the trouble begins.
Yay for 30 days!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Out on a MTB trail somewhere
Posts: 202
I really needed to read this today. I'm an emotional mess and I slipped and made contact with my recent XABF. SMH I'm lonely, sad, and a host of other things. I sought out therapy today waiting for a call back to schedule apt. Also bought codependent no more and the workbook. I feel like my life is spiraling out of control.
7 
And Presents For Pretty Girls
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 319
Hmm...a cake does sound nice! Maybe I will make one for me and my kids 
Ironically enough, I got a new phone today and because it was different than the old one I had to listen to the messages because they weren't going to transfer over to my new voice mail.
The first three messages were from him, right after I'd found out about the xgf. The tone of his voice and how I could tell he was soothing me in order to make sure I didn't go ballistic. The I Love You's and of course, if you want me out of your life then just say so, but I'm feeling pretty lousy right now. (Of course he was..always about him).
Next few were very different. He had been drinking in those. One of them he had just seen me out and about and basically told me to have a nice life and to f-off. F-you actually was his words to me. The other was him telling me I was full of s*** and that I needed to call him, blah, blah, blah.
I kept them so I would always remember that drunk side of him. So, anytime I was missing him I could listen and ask myself if that person is who I was really wanting in my life.
Now, they are erased.
One less thing to think about and remind me of something that is now DONE.
Ironically enough, I got a new phone today and because it was different than the old one I had to listen to the messages because they weren't going to transfer over to my new voice mail.
The first three messages were from him, right after I'd found out about the xgf. The tone of his voice and how I could tell he was soothing me in order to make sure I didn't go ballistic. The I Love You's and of course, if you want me out of your life then just say so, but I'm feeling pretty lousy right now. (Of course he was..always about him).
Next few were very different. He had been drinking in those. One of them he had just seen me out and about and basically told me to have a nice life and to f-off. F-you actually was his words to me. The other was him telling me I was full of s*** and that I needed to call him, blah, blah, blah.
I kept them so I would always remember that drunk side of him. So, anytime I was missing him I could listen and ask myself if that person is who I was really wanting in my life.
Now, they are erased.
One less thing to think about and remind me of something that is now DONE.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Only way I can describe it is that this stranger who has made it three months is in control now...she refuses to go back to status quo. I look forward to getting to know her!
Congrats on meeting that woman within yourself that refuses to go back to the same ole same ole...!
I think our journeys getting to know these women are going to be wonderful and surprising...!
Congrats on meeting that woman within yourself that refuses to go back to the same ole same ole...!
I think our journeys getting to know these women are going to be wonderful and surprising...!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Originally Posted by trublnshangrila
Sure found out that one the hard way. And as soon as he realized I
wouldn't be controlled or manipulated (anymore), he cut me out of his life. By asserting boundaries, I was no longer of use. Sorry, still hurts, still love him.
wouldn't be controlled or manipulated (anymore), he cut me out of his life. By asserting boundaries, I was no longer of use. Sorry, still hurts, still love him.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Austin
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by MTBChick
I really needed to read this today. I'm an emotional mess and I slipped and made contact with my recent XABF. SMH I'm lonely, sad, and a host of other things. I sought out therapy today waiting for a call back to schedule apt. Also bought codependent no more and the workbook. I feel like my life is spiraling out of control.
At least we're in this together, eh?
Chin up, it's just for today.
And Presents For Pretty Girls
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 319
It's a process. Go easy on yourself.
The only reason I made it these past 30 days is because he was good at not searching me out, sending me emails or making it difficult for me to remain NC. I, too, called his house phone but I did it when I knew he wasn't home and let the machine pick it up for just long enough to make myself feel like I contacted him. It was a way for him to know I was thinking about him, yet at the same time, it probably was just a hang up to him and he didn't know it was me. (Probably better that he didn't know, otherwise he may have contacted me).
It was a crazy move. Right up there with showing up where he was one night, on purpose, with hopes to see him.
I've hit a new point though. As I sat there I really thought about what it would mean if he did see me. Besides me being labeled as a stalker, it would bring him back into my life again.
And, when I ran through that scenario in my head, I knew I didn't want him back around again. I've had enough of the lying and the controlling and everything else that came with him. I am truly done this time.
The only reason I made it these past 30 days is because he was good at not searching me out, sending me emails or making it difficult for me to remain NC. I, too, called his house phone but I did it when I knew he wasn't home and let the machine pick it up for just long enough to make myself feel like I contacted him. It was a way for him to know I was thinking about him, yet at the same time, it probably was just a hang up to him and he didn't know it was me. (Probably better that he didn't know, otherwise he may have contacted me).
It was a crazy move. Right up there with showing up where he was one night, on purpose, with hopes to see him.
I've hit a new point though. As I sat there I really thought about what it would mean if he did see me. Besides me being labeled as a stalker, it would bring him back into my life again.
And, when I ran through that scenario in my head, I knew I didn't want him back around again. I've had enough of the lying and the controlling and everything else that came with him. I am truly done this time.
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