30 days no contact...
 

I feel like there should be coins given out for days of no contact!

I have hit my 30 day mark of nc with the xabf.

This is where I start to feel better about things. I don't seem to cry as much, I begin to get focused on my life again and am happy that I don't have to deal with all the drama and chaos that he brings with him.

But, 30 days is as long as we've ever gone before somehow seeing each other and returning back into our relationship.

I don't see that happening this time as so much has transpired and changed between us. But, it's easy to start out with the "let's be friends again, I miss hanging out with you" to suddenly being back in a relationship and you never saw it coming. It's usually the attraction and the familiarity of being with someone that brings us right back. We both need the time to remove the bf/gf attachment from each other.

All I have to remember is that if I do run into him somewhere, I can't avoid that. I just have to leave it at that and not have a conversation with him. That's usually where the trouble begins.

Yay for 30 days!

Congratulations! You are an inspiration! Keep up the great work and the great ATTITUDE! Love it!

:a122: yay! Good for you!

Good job! Keep going! YAY for you!

You are living life on Your terms now! :)

Way to go!
Keep up the good work. I'm glad you are feeling stronger.
Hugs,
MamaKit

Yay! Good for you!

:You_Rock_

That's it...by the way...addicts have no friends, they just use other people for their own gratification.

Sure found out that one the hard way. And as soon as he realized I
wouldn't be controlled or manipulated (anymore), he cut me out of his life. By asserting boundaries, I was no longer of use. Sorry, still hurts, still love him.

Good for you! 35 days for me. As long as I don't see him out, I can do this...last time it triggered me badly. I should never have walked in that bar. I knew he was there.

I really needed to read this today. I'm an emotional mess and I slipped and made contact with my recent XABF. SMH I'm lonely, sad, and a host of other things. I sought out therapy today waiting for a call back to schedule apt. Also bought codependent no more and the workbook. I feel like my life is spiraling out of control.

:bday7 :a122: :You_Rock_

Keep the faith, baby!


dandylion

Yeah a coin would be nice - maybe a cake, too?! Find some little way to honor yourself today.

Good job, itsmylifenow.

Woooohooo! Little victories...

Hmm...a cake does sound nice! Maybe I will make one for me and my kids :)

Ironically enough, I got a new phone today and because it was different than the old one I had to listen to the messages because they weren't going to transfer over to my new voice mail.

The first three messages were from him, right after I'd found out about the xgf. The tone of his voice and how I could tell he was soothing me in order to make sure I didn't go ballistic. The I Love You's and of course, if you want me out of your life then just say so, but I'm feeling pretty lousy right now. (Of course he was..always about him).

Next few were very different. He had been drinking in those. One of them he had just seen me out and about and basically told me to have a nice life and to f-off. F-you actually was his words to me. The other was him telling me I was full of s*** and that I needed to call him, blah, blah, blah.

I kept them so I would always remember that drunk side of him. So, anytime I was missing him I could listen and ask myself if that person is who I was really wanting in my life.

Now, they are erased.

One less thing to think about and remind me of something that is now DONE.

Only way I can describe it is that this stranger who has made it three months is in control now...she refuses to go back to status quo. I look forward to getting to know her!
Congrats on meeting that woman within yourself that refuses to go back to the same ole same ole...!
I think our journeys getting to know these women are going to be wonderful and surprising...!

Another way to look at this is not that you were disposable, but that he finally had to respect you because you made strong boundaries, even if he chose to continue not respecting hiimself.

You and me both sister! I didn't make direct contact, but my fingers did dial his number, then frantically hung up when he answered. FML, right?

At least we're in this together, eh?

Chin up, it's just for today.

It's a process. Go easy on yourself.

The only reason I made it these past 30 days is because he was good at not searching me out, sending me emails or making it difficult for me to remain NC. I, too, called his house phone but I did it when I knew he wasn't home and let the machine pick it up for just long enough to make myself feel like I contacted him. It was a way for him to know I was thinking about him, yet at the same time, it probably was just a hang up to him and he didn't know it was me. (Probably better that he didn't know, otherwise he may have contacted me).

It was a crazy move. Right up there with showing up where he was one night, on purpose, with hopes to see him.

I've hit a new point though. As I sat there I really thought about what it would mean if he did see me. Besides me being labeled as a stalker, it would bring him back into my life again.

And, when I ran through that scenario in my head, I knew I didn't want him back around again. I've had enough of the lying and the controlling and everything else that came with him. I am truly done this time.

We can't find the path alone, until we are alone.

In fact alone, without the A.