alcoholic husband how to make it on my own
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Georgia
Posts: 5
alcoholic husband how to make it on my own
Hi there im 35 and have an alcoholic spouse. We have been together for almost 17 years. he takes 1mg xanax and been driking lately(after promises to our 2 teenage daughters that never again) 12 16ozs a night. I have went into deression and anxiety that i went thru 2 years of treatment for and honestly im no better now than then. He start arguements bout my family coming to check in on me and he doesnt like to to go to them either. I now cant hold a job and he is always making me feel worse than i already do. Now today he walked out and skipped work to drink. how do i move on or support him if for over 2 years he been working on this drinking problem with no results
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
You cannot do anything for him.
Time to turn the focus inward and concentrate on yourself.
Your life has now become unmanagable, alcoholism is ruling the roost.
Glad you are here. You will find amazing support and true life testaments of others that are also living with this awful disease.
Educating myself about addiction was the only next right thing to do.
please know we are here for you.
Time to turn the focus inward and concentrate on yourself.
Your life has now become unmanagable, alcoholism is ruling the roost.
Glad you are here. You will find amazing support and true life testaments of others that are also living with this awful disease.
Educating myself about addiction was the only next right thing to do.
please know we are here for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Georgia
Posts: 5
Thanks so much. i know i have to do that but i have always been to care for others then me. just trying to figure out how to do what i know i need to when even our dughters dont want him here anymore. He walked out this morning and is now with all the calls. When one thinks it cant get any harder it does. Am trying to learn and understand but doesnt one reach a final point at some time.???? But so easy to say it doesnt help the problem any. mmmmm may the lord have mercy on my soul as i try to find work and figure this out.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
Hey ConfusedNGA-
We are the same age, and that confusion is awful isn't it.
I found a lot of help from learning about the disease of addiction. Al-Anon was a great support to me, and many places have Al-Teen too.
Posting here helped, and being gentle with myself (i.e. not beating myself up that I did not understand everything in two days helped).
Hugs.
We are the same age, and that confusion is awful isn't it.
I found a lot of help from learning about the disease of addiction. Al-Anon was a great support to me, and many places have Al-Teen too.
Posting here helped, and being gentle with myself (i.e. not beating myself up that I did not understand everything in two days helped).
Hugs.
It's painful to watch an alcoholic spouse choose liquor over your children. My wife once told me that she would stop, because it wasn't worth having her family upset with her. That was three years ago, and she's still drinking.
That, apparently, is the power of this addiction.
Good luck; you'll find good advice and support here.
That, apparently, is the power of this addiction.
Good luck; you'll find good advice and support here.
Welcome to the SR family!
I learned about the airplane analogy in al anon. You know when you begin a flight and they tell you emergency procedures?
They tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before trying to assist others.
Time to focus on you, dear!
You havent been able to change him right?
You didnt cause this
you cant control this
you wont cure this
Stick around, we understand.
I learned about the airplane analogy in al anon. You know when you begin a flight and they tell you emergency procedures?
They tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before trying to assist others.
Time to focus on you, dear!
You havent been able to change him right?
You didnt cause this
you cant control this
you wont cure this
Stick around, we understand.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Columbus, Oh
Posts: 71
I like that, Pelikan! Also 'Let Go or Be Dragged'
They usually hate and react badly towards anything drawing attention to THEIR problems (ie your parents checking in)
This is a long road, whether with or without them. I know I want a divorce!
And, man, I am halfway there(more like a third of the way but let's stay optimistic). But emotionally I'm hitting speed bumps. It Suuuucks. But when I am feeling so sick and sad about being without him?! Well, I told him for a long time to get his act together or lose me and HE didn't seem to have those feelings!
But one day I know I can be happy again.....
They usually hate and react badly towards anything drawing attention to THEIR problems (ie your parents checking in)
This is a long road, whether with or without them. I know I want a divorce!
And, man, I am halfway there(more like a third of the way but let's stay optimistic). But emotionally I'm hitting speed bumps. It Suuuucks. But when I am feeling so sick and sad about being without him?! Well, I told him for a long time to get his act together or lose me and HE didn't seem to have those feelings!
But one day I know I can be happy again.....
You'll find your home away from "home" here on SR and in Al-Anon/Nar-Anon/Alateen!
Check these threads out to see what demon he's facing with those substances, and what "codies" face if we let ourselves be dragged:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...x-alcohol.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...st-us-did.html
Welcome home!
Check these threads out to see what demon he's facing with those substances, and what "codies" face if we let ourselves be dragged:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...x-alcohol.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...st-us-did.html
Welcome home!
Depression is the worst. It makes everything so much harder, doesn't it?
I was finally able to come to terms with the seriousness of my husband's problem when I underwent serious, long-term treatment for depression. I've been at it for about two years and I'm finally in a place where I feel like I'm capable and able to experience life as it is, and not through the fog of depression.
Please keep posting here and find a way to get yourself to Al-Anon. The recovery community is full of wisdom about how to turn your energy away from the addict back on yourself, to make yourself full enough to live life without getting beat up by addiction.
Welcome. I'm glad you're here.
I was finally able to come to terms with the seriousness of my husband's problem when I underwent serious, long-term treatment for depression. I've been at it for about two years and I'm finally in a place where I feel like I'm capable and able to experience life as it is, and not through the fog of depression.
Please keep posting here and find a way to get yourself to Al-Anon. The recovery community is full of wisdom about how to turn your energy away from the addict back on yourself, to make yourself full enough to live life without getting beat up by addiction.
Welcome. I'm glad you're here.
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