confusednga

Hi there im 35 and have an alcoholic spouse. We have been together for almost 17 years. he takes 1mg xanax and been driking lately(after promises to our 2 teenage daughters that never again) 12 16ozs a night. I have went into deression and anxiety that i went thru 2 years of treatment for and honestly im no better now than then. He start arguements bout my family coming to check in on me and he doesnt like to to go to them either. I now cant hold a job and he is always making me feel worse than i already do. Now today he walked out and skipped work to drink. how do i move on or support him if for over 2 years he been working on this drinking problem with no results

marie1960

You cannot do anything for him.

Time to turn the focus inward and concentrate on yourself.

Your life has now become unmanagable, alcoholism is ruling the roost.

Glad you are here. You will find amazing support and true life testaments of others that are also living with this awful disease.

Educating myself about addiction was the only next right thing to do.

please know we are here for you.

confusednga

Thanks so much. i know i have to do that but i have always been to care for others then me. just trying to figure out how to do what i know i need to when even our dughters dont want him here anymore. He walked out this morning and is now with all the calls. When one thinks it cant get any harder it does. Am trying to learn and understand but doesnt one reach a final point at some time.???? But so easy to say it doesnt help the problem any. mmmmm may the lord have mercy on my soul as i try to find work and figure this out.

WishingWell

Sending you a hug!

lafayette

Good luck. Be strong. You can do this. As the sister of an alcoholic, I always hear a lot about setting boundaries. Maybe consider going to al-anon with your daughters to give them some options for how to cope .

LifeRecovery

Hey ConfusedNGA-

We are the same age, and that confusion is awful isn't it.

I found a lot of help from learning about the disease of addiction. Al-Anon was a great support to me, and many places have Al-Teen too.

Posting here helped, and being gentle with myself (i.e. not beating myself up that I did not understand everything in two days helped).

Hugs.

TeM

It's painful to watch an alcoholic spouse choose liquor over your children. My wife once told me that she would stop, because it wasn't worth having her family upset with her. That was three years ago, and she's still drinking.

That, apparently, is the power of this addiction.

Good luck; you'll find good advice and support here.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

I learned about the airplane analogy in al anon. You know when you begin a flight and they tell you emergency procedures?
They tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before trying to assist others.

Time to focus on you, dear!

You havent been able to change him right?

You didnt cause this
you cant control this
you wont cure this


Stick around, we understand.

lizloh

I like that, Pelikan! Also 'Let Go or Be Dragged'

They usually hate and react badly towards anything drawing attention to THEIR problems (ie your parents checking in)

This is a long road, whether with or without them. I know I want a divorce!
And, man, I am halfway there(more like a third of the way but let's stay optimistic). But emotionally I'm hitting speed bumps. It Suuuucks. But when I am feeling so sick and sad about being without him?! Well, I told him for a long time to get his act together or lose me and HE didn't seem to have those feelings!
But one day I know I can be happy again.....

Titanic

You'll find your home away from "home" here on SR and in Al-Anon/Nar-Anon/Alateen!

Check these threads out to see what demon he's facing with those substances, and what "codies" face if we let ourselves be dragged:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...x-alcohol.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...st-us-did.html

Welcome home!

confusednga

WOW thanks everyone for the hugs and kind words. So amazing how most of all were saying had been going on earlier today. Im at a moment of amazement for now. Time to process

blackgnat

You must be realistic when you say you feel sick or sad about being without him...WHAT are you feeling sick and sad about?

I think you know there's a problem-one that might only be fixed by taking drastic measures!

Florence

Depression is the worst. It makes everything so much harder, doesn't it?

I was finally able to come to terms with the seriousness of my husband's problem when I underwent serious, long-term treatment for depression. I've been at it for about two years and I'm finally in a place where I feel like I'm capable and able to experience life as it is, and not through the fog of depression.

Please keep posting here and find a way to get yourself to Al-Anon. The recovery community is full of wisdom about how to turn your energy away from the addict back on yourself, to make yourself full enough to live life without getting beat up by addiction.

Welcome. I'm glad you're here.