need to not let him bother me anymore.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
need to not let him bother me anymore.
So, xah hubbie was MIA for 2.5 months. Texted me unapolgetic "hey I want to see our son"
I contacted my lawyer, and we have a plan in place. BUT this plan will take up to 6 months. So, today my darling addict was to see his son. Before seeing his son, he was to call me and discuss our son's emotional well being. I specifically told him that he couldn't see his son until he did this. Did he call? Nope. He texted me 4 minutes before the cut off time and said "where r we meeting". I told him it is a no go bc he didn't call. You know what? He said he did call me and left a message. This was true. A week ago he called and left me a crying message telling me he was a failure, I'm beautiful, he missed and loved me...blah blah blah. And at the end of this message he said "ill call you next week to discuss our son". Well, I never replied to this sob fest. I told him he was lying. Then he told me to tell our son the truth...he was away at work for 2.5 months. This by the way made me think of the thread lies they tell us. Someone wrote "and he stood up to tell everyone he had to go and finish putting gas in my car" this "away at work" lie INFURIATED me. He still can't admit to the fact that he is on drugs? It is so obvious. I lost it and told him that he is a liar and how dare he insult my intelligence and his sons. He got very angry and responded "don't text me, I can't stand you, you are a c*&t. I was pissed and hurt, but I didn't respond. Then he texted me and told me that he was going to talk bad about me to our son because that's what I'm doing. This couldn't be farther from the truth. I am there for my son telling him his father loves him, showing him pictures and saying a prayer for him every night. Well, the addict pushed my buttons and won. I didn't respond via text. I just sent him an email telling him he is full of it and that I will not put up with his crap anymore.
This is exactly why we need to talk before he sees our son. I never know what I'm getting with him. I feel like I have to tip toe and do everything he wants or deal with his anger. I'm not backing down on this though bc it is my sons mental heallth. And no, legally I can't block him or deny him to see his son. I am abiding by the rules, so I have to communicate with him. Like I said, I have a plan in place. It will just take some time. I'm just pissed.
How do you train yourself not to react? Not to get angry. Not to be hurt. He has such a hold on my emotions. For example, I spent all day thinking about it. Its annoying. I pray one day I I can simply respond when necessary and then let it go.
Bottom line, he called crying saying he was a changed man. Then, a week later didn't do what was expected. Didn't like I followed thru on my word, and didn't like I wouldn't lie to my son and accept his lie thaT daddy was away on biz trip. He lost it.
He's crazy and immature.
I contacted my lawyer, and we have a plan in place. BUT this plan will take up to 6 months. So, today my darling addict was to see his son. Before seeing his son, he was to call me and discuss our son's emotional well being. I specifically told him that he couldn't see his son until he did this. Did he call? Nope. He texted me 4 minutes before the cut off time and said "where r we meeting". I told him it is a no go bc he didn't call. You know what? He said he did call me and left a message. This was true. A week ago he called and left me a crying message telling me he was a failure, I'm beautiful, he missed and loved me...blah blah blah. And at the end of this message he said "ill call you next week to discuss our son". Well, I never replied to this sob fest. I told him he was lying. Then he told me to tell our son the truth...he was away at work for 2.5 months. This by the way made me think of the thread lies they tell us. Someone wrote "and he stood up to tell everyone he had to go and finish putting gas in my car" this "away at work" lie INFURIATED me. He still can't admit to the fact that he is on drugs? It is so obvious. I lost it and told him that he is a liar and how dare he insult my intelligence and his sons. He got very angry and responded "don't text me, I can't stand you, you are a c*&t. I was pissed and hurt, but I didn't respond. Then he texted me and told me that he was going to talk bad about me to our son because that's what I'm doing. This couldn't be farther from the truth. I am there for my son telling him his father loves him, showing him pictures and saying a prayer for him every night. Well, the addict pushed my buttons and won. I didn't respond via text. I just sent him an email telling him he is full of it and that I will not put up with his crap anymore.
This is exactly why we need to talk before he sees our son. I never know what I'm getting with him. I feel like I have to tip toe and do everything he wants or deal with his anger. I'm not backing down on this though bc it is my sons mental heallth. And no, legally I can't block him or deny him to see his son. I am abiding by the rules, so I have to communicate with him. Like I said, I have a plan in place. It will just take some time. I'm just pissed.
How do you train yourself not to react? Not to get angry. Not to be hurt. He has such a hold on my emotions. For example, I spent all day thinking about it. Its annoying. I pray one day I I can simply respond when necessary and then let it go.
Bottom line, he called crying saying he was a changed man. Then, a week later didn't do what was expected. Didn't like I followed thru on my word, and didn't like I wouldn't lie to my son and accept his lie thaT daddy was away on biz trip. He lost it.
He's crazy and immature.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
Ps--Honestly, I really don't think he wanted to see his son today. He knew exactly what he was doing. That's the sad part. Its like he is going thru the motions so he can say "well I tried, but she won't let me". I mean all he had to do was call. And, texting 4 minutes before the cut off time like I wouldn't notice he didn't call? Soo manipulative!!!!
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Add this to your plan.
If he shows up at your house to see his son and he is 'off' in any way, call the police. This will get you a police report from and is called CYA as they will either agree that he is on something or say no he should not be around his son at that time. You then get a copy of the report and give each and every one to your attorney as I am sure it will happen more than once.
That will go further toward your attorney being able to get 'supervised' visitation for your son.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
If he shows up at your house to see his son and he is 'off' in any way, call the police. This will get you a police report from and is called CYA as they will either agree that he is on something or say no he should not be around his son at that time. You then get a copy of the report and give each and every one to your attorney as I am sure it will happen more than once.
That will go further toward your attorney being able to get 'supervised' visitation for your son.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
He has supervised visits currently, but if he keeps it up it will be de nada! So sad. And he isn't allowed over my house. We meet at a park. If he did show up here, I will call the police. I think he knows better...but you never know. And honestly, I don't think he really wants to see him. He loves and wants to see his son, but I have a feeling he is using everyday. That pull must be super strong, and he has to see my son late in the evening...so I think its hard for him to make it. So he must be in a lot of pain and very angry. I try not to take it personally. Its weird. I feel bad for him and want to hug him and help him one minute, but the next I want to spit on him. Its such a strange love hate. I'm trying to stay very professional, yet honest with him. Just keeping it on point and not letting it get out of hand. I was anxious today, bc I knew this was going to happen. But what am I suppose to do? Give into his whims at the expense of my sons well being? I need to start doing yoga regulary! So very upsetting.
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