Perfect health at check up
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 138
Perfect health at check up
Anyone here been tempted to relapse after an all clear from the doctor? There are so many other reasons why I don't want to return to drinking but for a split second I thought: If physically there isn't anything wrong with me then why am I abstaining?
I've never had a check up for that reason, but don't do it! You are healthy now.. if you start drinking again you won't be. You've come this far. Fight the cravings.. why tempt it twice? Hang on!!
I find looking at my old posts of the struggle, pain & helplessness of addiction help me to remember why I decided to become sober. So happy for you & your sobriety & health, you are blessed ;-)
Here is your first post here:
I was drinking a least a bottle of wine a day or half a bottle of Absolute. One day I looked in the mirror and couldn't recognize myself. Though I always ran and maintained my weight even during the worst of my drinking binges- I looked bloated, dark circles under the eyes, bloodshot eyes and my once sharp thinking abilities were definitely dulling into "brain fog." I didn't want to be this kind of mother. I didn't want to be this kind of person.
Here is your first post here:
I was drinking a least a bottle of wine a day or half a bottle of Absolute. One day I looked in the mirror and couldn't recognize myself. Though I always ran and maintained my weight even during the worst of my drinking binges- I looked bloated, dark circles under the eyes, bloodshot eyes and my once sharp thinking abilities were definitely dulling into "brain fog." I didn't want to be this kind of mother. I didn't want to be this kind of person.
This is my fifth day of quitting. I am living in a foreign country and cannot find a suitable AA group though I think that I need one. Are there AA groups online? I never hit 'rock bottom' so I think I am still wavering between defining myself as a person who likes to drink and an alcoholic. Here's a summary of my story:
Started drinking when I was thirteen years old but mostly only in the summers or sometimes on weekends. I was a student in an elite private school and stayed at the top of my class. I had divorced parents and an absent mother, and starting when I was sixteen I started drinking to numb the pain of being ignored. Still the drinking was somewhat under control and I was accepted to an Ivy League college where I maintained a high average while getting drunk every weekend. After college I got married and stopped drinking for a few years. But soon the stress of moving to a foreign country, having three kids under the age of three and completing my Masters at the same time became too much. I started drinking every now and then but not every day. Then my beloved grandmother passed away and I lost it. She was the only one who cared about me when I was growing up. I started drinking every day, but only when I thought it was safe. Not when I was working. Never before driving. And never before my husband was available to care for the children. I stopped when I became pregnant again four years later and I stayed sober throughout the pregnancy though I longed for a drink. Began drinking again after the baby was born but never in a way that could hurt my children. Never drank in the morning. Never when I was alone caring for my children etc. Continued to work, maintain a near spotless household, drove carpool (always sober) and drank more each day in the late afternoon. I never slurred my speech or acted crazy so I don't think my husband even knew though my drinking definitely bothered him at times. I was drinking a least a bottle of wine a day or half a bottle of Absolute. One day I looked in the mirror and couldn't recognize myself. Though I always ran and maintained my weight even during the worst of my drinking binges- I looked bloated, dark circles under the eyes, bloodshot eyes and my once sharp thinking abilities were definitely dulling into "brain fog." I didn't want to be this kind of mother. I didn't want to be this kind of person. So I stopped on my own, but I don't know if i can keep going. I'm exhausted and all the ordinary stresses of my life are still here and I can't even tell my husband because I don't want him to think that I'm an alcoholic. I can't tell anybody really, and I feel so alone and so vulnerable to starting again. The real problem is that drinking made me more patient, more fun and I was still leading a normal life on the outside. What should I do?
Started drinking when I was thirteen years old but mostly only in the summers or sometimes on weekends. I was a student in an elite private school and stayed at the top of my class. I had divorced parents and an absent mother, and starting when I was sixteen I started drinking to numb the pain of being ignored. Still the drinking was somewhat under control and I was accepted to an Ivy League college where I maintained a high average while getting drunk every weekend. After college I got married and stopped drinking for a few years. But soon the stress of moving to a foreign country, having three kids under the age of three and completing my Masters at the same time became too much. I started drinking every now and then but not every day. Then my beloved grandmother passed away and I lost it. She was the only one who cared about me when I was growing up. I started drinking every day, but only when I thought it was safe. Not when I was working. Never before driving. And never before my husband was available to care for the children. I stopped when I became pregnant again four years later and I stayed sober throughout the pregnancy though I longed for a drink. Began drinking again after the baby was born but never in a way that could hurt my children. Never drank in the morning. Never when I was alone caring for my children etc. Continued to work, maintain a near spotless household, drove carpool (always sober) and drank more each day in the late afternoon. I never slurred my speech or acted crazy so I don't think my husband even knew though my drinking definitely bothered him at times. I was drinking a least a bottle of wine a day or half a bottle of Absolute. One day I looked in the mirror and couldn't recognize myself. Though I always ran and maintained my weight even during the worst of my drinking binges- I looked bloated, dark circles under the eyes, bloodshot eyes and my once sharp thinking abilities were definitely dulling into "brain fog." I didn't want to be this kind of mother. I didn't want to be this kind of person. So I stopped on my own, but I don't know if i can keep going. I'm exhausted and all the ordinary stresses of my life are still here and I can't even tell my husband because I don't want him to think that I'm an alcoholic. I can't tell anybody really, and I feel so alone and so vulnerable to starting again. The real problem is that drinking made me more patient, more fun and I was still leading a normal life on the outside. What should I do?
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
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Nope I only had one check - up after 20 + years of abuse. And it was a all clear. But thankfully after 6 months of meds and hard work. I am okay. But I like this way of life. AA ruined my drinking and thats okay with me.
I was so relieved after my check up all clear that I didn't think of drinking....not then.
I did have the thought later though, for sure.
This thing is insidious - I'd nearly killed myself - I actually had mini strokes in detox - and I wanted to see how much farther I could push it?
Insanity.
Needless to say I didn't drink and I've never regretted that
I'm so glad you got the all clear too effortjoy
D
I did have the thought later though, for sure.
This thing is insidious - I'd nearly killed myself - I actually had mini strokes in detox - and I wanted to see how much farther I could push it?
Insanity.
Needless to say I didn't drink and I've never regretted that
I'm so glad you got the all clear too effortjoy
D
effortjoy, I've had those exact same thoughts! Just realise, that is not YOU, it is your addict brain talking.
My last complete physical was at age 50, four years ago. Astonishingly, everything came back within normal ranges. But I do remember (here comes the insanity....) wishing that I was gravely ill with something that would give me a quantifiable reason to quit drinking.
Glad you are well! Now STAY that way.
My last complete physical was at age 50, four years ago. Astonishingly, everything came back within normal ranges. But I do remember (here comes the insanity....) wishing that I was gravely ill with something that would give me a quantifiable reason to quit drinking.
Glad you are well! Now STAY that way.
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