pl help me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 138
pl help me
This is my fifth day of quitting. I am living in a foreign country and cannot find a suitable AA group though I think that I need one. Are there AA groups online? I never hit 'rock bottom' so I think I am still wavering between defining myself as a person who likes to drink and an alcoholic. Here's a summary of my story:
Started drinking when I was thirteen years old but mostly only in the summers or sometimes on weekends. I was a student in an elite private school and stayed at the top of my class. I had divorced parents and an absent mother, and starting when I was sixteen I started drinking to numb the pain of being ignored. Still the drinking was somewhat under control and I was accepted to an Ivy League college where I maintained a high average while getting drunk every weekend. After college I got married and stopped drinking for a few years. But soon the stress of moving to a foreign country, having three kids under the age of three and completing my Masters at the same time became too much. I started drinking every now and then but not every day. Then my beloved grandmother passed away and I lost it. She was the only one who cared about me when I was growing up. I started drinking every day, but only when I thought it was safe. Not when I was working. Never before driving. And never before my husband was available to care for the children. I stopped when I became pregnant again four years later and I stayed sober throughout the pregnancy though I longed for a drink. Began drinking again after the baby was born but never in a way that could hurt my children. Never drank in the morning. Never when I was alone caring for my children etc. Continued to work, maintain a near spotless household, drove carpool (always sober) and drank more each day in the late afternoon. I never slurred my speech or acted crazy so I don't think my husband even knew though my drinking definitely bothered him at times. I was drinking a least a bottle of wine a day or half a bottle of Absolute. One day I looked in the mirror and couldn't recognize myself. Though I always ran and maintained my weight even during the worst of my drinking binges- I looked bloated, dark circles under the eyes, bloodshot eyes and my once sharp thinking abilities were definitely dulling into "brain fog." I didn't want to be this kind of mother. I didn't want to be this kind of person. So I stopped on my own, but I don't know if i can keep going. I'm exhausted and all the ordinary stresses of my life are still here and I can't even tell my husband because I don't want him to think that I'm an alcoholic. I can't tell anybody really, and I feel so alone and so vulnerable to starting again. The real problem is that drinking made me more patient, more fun and I was still leading a normal life on the outside. What should I do?
Started drinking when I was thirteen years old but mostly only in the summers or sometimes on weekends. I was a student in an elite private school and stayed at the top of my class. I had divorced parents and an absent mother, and starting when I was sixteen I started drinking to numb the pain of being ignored. Still the drinking was somewhat under control and I was accepted to an Ivy League college where I maintained a high average while getting drunk every weekend. After college I got married and stopped drinking for a few years. But soon the stress of moving to a foreign country, having three kids under the age of three and completing my Masters at the same time became too much. I started drinking every now and then but not every day. Then my beloved grandmother passed away and I lost it. She was the only one who cared about me when I was growing up. I started drinking every day, but only when I thought it was safe. Not when I was working. Never before driving. And never before my husband was available to care for the children. I stopped when I became pregnant again four years later and I stayed sober throughout the pregnancy though I longed for a drink. Began drinking again after the baby was born but never in a way that could hurt my children. Never drank in the morning. Never when I was alone caring for my children etc. Continued to work, maintain a near spotless household, drove carpool (always sober) and drank more each day in the late afternoon. I never slurred my speech or acted crazy so I don't think my husband even knew though my drinking definitely bothered him at times. I was drinking a least a bottle of wine a day or half a bottle of Absolute. One day I looked in the mirror and couldn't recognize myself. Though I always ran and maintained my weight even during the worst of my drinking binges- I looked bloated, dark circles under the eyes, bloodshot eyes and my once sharp thinking abilities were definitely dulling into "brain fog." I didn't want to be this kind of mother. I didn't want to be this kind of person. So I stopped on my own, but I don't know if i can keep going. I'm exhausted and all the ordinary stresses of my life are still here and I can't even tell my husband because I don't want him to think that I'm an alcoholic. I can't tell anybody really, and I feel so alone and so vulnerable to starting again. The real problem is that drinking made me more patient, more fun and I was still leading a normal life on the outside. What should I do?
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi again.....
I moved your post to it's own space on our Alcoholism Forum.
This way more members will read it and offer support.
I suggest you read this link...it has info on alcoholism.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Please note there are vaious stages of the disease.
I decided to quit during the middle stage.
You can do it quicker...
Keep psoting with us...you are not alone with your concerns.
Blessings to you and your family
I moved your post to it's own space on our Alcoholism Forum.
This way more members will read it and offer support.
I suggest you read this link...it has info on alcoholism.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Please note there are vaious stages of the disease.
I decided to quit during the middle stage.
You can do it quicker...
Keep psoting with us...you are not alone with your concerns.
Blessings to you and your family
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
And from my files.....more information
It's my experience and observation that these
stages often overlap.
So the sooner you stop the better.
Hope this helps ...
Progression of Alcoholism
Here's how alcoholism typically progresses:
SOCIAL DRINKERS — Most Americans are characterized as social drinkers. Statistics indicate, however, that one of every 16 drinkers will become alcoholic.
WARNING SIGNS — The individual begins to drink more frequently and more than his associates. He drinks for confidence or to tolerate or escape problems. No party or other occasion is complete without a couple of drinks. Driving and drinking become routine.
EARLY ALCOHOLISM — With increasing frequency, the individual drinks too much. "Blackouts," or temporary amnesia, occur during or following drinking episodes. He drinks more rapidly than others, sneaks drinks and in other ways conceals the quantity that he drinks. He resents any reference to his drinking habits.
BASIC ALCOHOLISM — The individual begins to lose control as to the time, place and amount of his drinking. He gets drunk unintentionally. He hides and protects his liquor supply. He drinks to overcome the hangover from his prior drinking. He tries new patterns of drinking as to time and place of drinking. He attempts cures by moving to new locations or by changing his drinking companions.
CHRONIC ALCOHOLISM — The individual becomes a loner in his drinking. He develops alibis, excuses and rationalizations to cover up or explain his drinking. Personality and behavior changes occur that affect all relationships — family, employment, community. Extended binges, physical tremors, hallucinations and delirium, complete rejection of social reality, malnutrition with accompanying illness and disease and early death all occur as chronic alcoholism progresses.
Source: American Medical Association
Here's how alcoholism typically progresses:
SOCIAL DRINKERS — Most Americans are characterized as social drinkers. Statistics indicate, however, that one of every 16 drinkers will become alcoholic.
WARNING SIGNS — The individual begins to drink more frequently and more than his associates. He drinks for confidence or to tolerate or escape problems. No party or other occasion is complete without a couple of drinks. Driving and drinking become routine.
EARLY ALCOHOLISM — With increasing frequency, the individual drinks too much. "Blackouts," or temporary amnesia, occur during or following drinking episodes. He drinks more rapidly than others, sneaks drinks and in other ways conceals the quantity that he drinks. He resents any reference to his drinking habits.
BASIC ALCOHOLISM — The individual begins to lose control as to the time, place and amount of his drinking. He gets drunk unintentionally. He hides and protects his liquor supply. He drinks to overcome the hangover from his prior drinking. He tries new patterns of drinking as to time and place of drinking. He attempts cures by moving to new locations or by changing his drinking companions.
CHRONIC ALCOHOLISM — The individual becomes a loner in his drinking. He develops alibis, excuses and rationalizations to cover up or explain his drinking. Personality and behavior changes occur that affect all relationships — family, employment, community. Extended binges, physical tremors, hallucinations and delirium, complete rejection of social reality, malnutrition with accompanying illness and disease and early death all occur as chronic alcoholism progresses.
Source: American Medical Association
stages often overlap.
So the sooner you stop the better.
Hope this helps ...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Hi again effortjoy
I came here not knowing what to do either but I read a lot - and posted a lot too. I found some things that worked for me. I hope you find the same.
There's a sticky on top of this forum about Recovery programs - no hard sell LOL but if you think a program is the way to go for you, you could do worse than start here
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
D
I came here not knowing what to do either but I read a lot - and posted a lot too. I found some things that worked for me. I hope you find the same.
There's a sticky on top of this forum about Recovery programs - no hard sell LOL but if you think a program is the way to go for you, you could do worse than start here
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
D
Disposable Hero
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Being, ME
Posts: 3,758
Hello and welcome to SR!!
Asking questions is a good way to start finding out about alcoholism. No one knows better than you the effects drinking has had on your life. Hopefully, you find that you have already had enough and begin living a more productive and healthy lifestyle. Keep coming back and keep asking those questions!!
Asking questions is a good way to start finding out about alcoholism. No one knows better than you the effects drinking has had on your life. Hopefully, you find that you have already had enough and begin living a more productive and healthy lifestyle. Keep coming back and keep asking those questions!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi Effortjoy,
Welcome!
You've gotten a lot of really good information and advice in this thread.
I'm glad you are seeking support.
It scares me a lot when you say that drinking makes you more patient, more fun and able to lead a normal life. This is the lure of alcohol and addiction. It gets you hooked and before you know it, you cross an invisible line and you are hooked. And, there is no turning back. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse unless you stop.
It's great that you have five days sober! Good for you! Stopping drinking is the beginning of the journey and now the hard work begins. For me, I had to question every belief about myself that I had held. It's a great journey, so I hope you join us.
Welcome!
You've gotten a lot of really good information and advice in this thread.
I'm glad you are seeking support.
It scares me a lot when you say that drinking makes you more patient, more fun and able to lead a normal life. This is the lure of alcohol and addiction. It gets you hooked and before you know it, you cross an invisible line and you are hooked. And, there is no turning back. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse unless you stop.
It's great that you have five days sober! Good for you! Stopping drinking is the beginning of the journey and now the hard work begins. For me, I had to question every belief about myself that I had held. It's a great journey, so I hope you join us.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
I am living in a foreign country and cannot find a suitable AA group though I think that I need one.
Also, have a look at the first sticky in the "alcoholism 12 step support" forum. Loads of great information including a link to the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-about-aa.html
Oh, and welcome to Sober Recovery! This forum (the people) have been a huge part of my sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: nj
Posts: 541
Hey,I'm going to borrow this for my next speaking committment.
My name is Tom and I'm an alcoholic, here's my story..
Progression of Alcoholism
Here's how alcoholism typically progresses:
SOCIAL DRINKERS — Most Americans are characterized as social drinkers. Statistics indicate, however, that one of every 16 drinkers will become alcoholic.
WARNING SIGNS — The individual begins to drink more frequently and more than his associates. He drinks for confidence or to tolerate or escape problems. No party or other occasion is complete without a couple of drinks. Driving and drinking become routine.
EARLY ALCOHOLISM — With increasing frequency, the individual drinks too much. "Blackouts," or temporary amnesia, occur during or following drinking episodes. He drinks more rapidly than others, sneaks drinks and in other ways conceals the quantity that he drinks. He resents any reference to his drinking habits.
BASIC ALCOHOLISM — The individual begins to lose control as to the time, place and amount of his drinking. He gets drunk unintentionally. He hides and protects his liquor supply. He drinks to overcome the hangover from his prior drinking. He tries new patterns of drinking as to time and place of drinking. He attempts cures by moving to new locations or by changing his drinking companions.
CHRONIC ALCOHOLISM — The individual becomes a loner in his drinking. He develops alibis, excuses and rationalizations to cover up or explain his drinking. Personality and behavior changes occur that affect all relationships — family, employment, community. Extended binges, physical tremors, hallucinations and delirium, complete rejection of social reality, malnutrition with accompanying illness and disease and early death all occur as chronic alcoholism progresses.
Then I came to AA, worked the Steps and recovered . I hope I brought you a typical AA meeting.
Thanks Carol!LOL
My name is Tom and I'm an alcoholic, here's my story..
Progression of Alcoholism
Here's how alcoholism typically progresses:
SOCIAL DRINKERS — Most Americans are characterized as social drinkers. Statistics indicate, however, that one of every 16 drinkers will become alcoholic.
WARNING SIGNS — The individual begins to drink more frequently and more than his associates. He drinks for confidence or to tolerate or escape problems. No party or other occasion is complete without a couple of drinks. Driving and drinking become routine.
EARLY ALCOHOLISM — With increasing frequency, the individual drinks too much. "Blackouts," or temporary amnesia, occur during or following drinking episodes. He drinks more rapidly than others, sneaks drinks and in other ways conceals the quantity that he drinks. He resents any reference to his drinking habits.
BASIC ALCOHOLISM — The individual begins to lose control as to the time, place and amount of his drinking. He gets drunk unintentionally. He hides and protects his liquor supply. He drinks to overcome the hangover from his prior drinking. He tries new patterns of drinking as to time and place of drinking. He attempts cures by moving to new locations or by changing his drinking companions.
CHRONIC ALCOHOLISM — The individual becomes a loner in his drinking. He develops alibis, excuses and rationalizations to cover up or explain his drinking. Personality and behavior changes occur that affect all relationships — family, employment, community. Extended binges, physical tremors, hallucinations and delirium, complete rejection of social reality, malnutrition with accompanying illness and disease and early death all occur as chronic alcoholism progresses.
Then I came to AA, worked the Steps and recovered . I hope I brought you a typical AA meeting.
Thanks Carol!LOL
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by effortjoy 
This is my fifth day of quitting. I am living in a foreign country and cannot find a suitable AA group though I think that I need one. Are there AA groups online?
The best solution for you now is to get involved in social or religious activities that will help shift your attention away from alcoholism. Also, there is need to look for and make friends with people who are not drinking. Hope these tips will help you. But above all, don't give up the fight.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Im not sure if you have read my story, but I apologize to people sick of hearing it=)
I have been drinking since I was 14, quit almost 6 months ago when I was 42 (exactly 2/3 of my life drunk. . .)
The last ten years, I knew my husband had a serious drinking problem, my drinking was always more controlled. On weekends he would throw up on himself, get in fights, injure himself, black out, get belligerent with me, hassles with the law, sleep off hang overs all day saturday and sunday, smelled like a distillery, over all gross.
I was the one baby sitting and cleaning up the messes, but I drank about a 6 pack per night every night as well. Never drank while driving, never missed a soccer game, water polo match, swim meet. Never slept all day, puked on myself or any of the other disgusting and deviant things others around me did (all of my friends and family drink to excess, I was truly the "mild" drinker in comparison).
I was the mild drinker until the ONE night alcohol betrayed me in a bold and unforgivable way. I blacked out. I ended up in a hot tub with 3 men, and was fooling around with the husband of someone near and dear to me (My husband admits to suggesting the whole thing and cheering it on) She caught us
I heard the story the next day from my 21 year old child. . .
None of this is who I am. I was not in control, but rather "possessed". None of this was how I wanted my child to see me. If you are thinking about quitting before your children are negatively impacted, my advice is to do it BEFORE you have a reason like mine. Because if you keep drinking, there is at least a chance of this happening to you.
I have been drinking since I was 14, quit almost 6 months ago when I was 42 (exactly 2/3 of my life drunk. . .)
The last ten years, I knew my husband had a serious drinking problem, my drinking was always more controlled. On weekends he would throw up on himself, get in fights, injure himself, black out, get belligerent with me, hassles with the law, sleep off hang overs all day saturday and sunday, smelled like a distillery, over all gross.
I was the one baby sitting and cleaning up the messes, but I drank about a 6 pack per night every night as well. Never drank while driving, never missed a soccer game, water polo match, swim meet. Never slept all day, puked on myself or any of the other disgusting and deviant things others around me did (all of my friends and family drink to excess, I was truly the "mild" drinker in comparison).
I was the mild drinker until the ONE night alcohol betrayed me in a bold and unforgivable way. I blacked out. I ended up in a hot tub with 3 men, and was fooling around with the husband of someone near and dear to me (My husband admits to suggesting the whole thing and cheering it on) She caught us
I heard the story the next day from my 21 year old child. . .
None of this is who I am. I was not in control, but rather "possessed". None of this was how I wanted my child to see me. If you are thinking about quitting before your children are negatively impacted, my advice is to do it BEFORE you have a reason like mine. Because if you keep drinking, there is at least a chance of this happening to you.
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