Sponsorship questions
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 68
Sponsorship questions
Hi all!
i have my first sponsee and have a decent network of people here to seek advice from but thought I would put it out to this community; I have much respect for all the thoughtful and insightful posts.
I have been working with my sponsee for about 2 weeks. We have sat down and read through book together turning steps 1 and 2 into questions and he was willing to go on with the rest of the steps so his step 3 was in place. We did the resentment inventory and will be doing fear and sex this Tuesday. He has 35 days and is very willing to do the work.
My concern is that he is not reaching out, getting numbers, calling people and going out for coffee. This is actually more a concern for the two people I have asked what they think. I relapsed over and over for a decade and always made meetings and called people and hung out with members of AA but never really did the steps and got serious about having a relationship with a Power greater than myself. I stress to him it is the steps and the power of God in his life, a personal relationship with the God OF his understanding. I feel I would be lying if I told him I got sober on anything other than this .. I have told him about the three legacies, and how unity is the common solution and reaching out to the new guy.
I guess my question(s) are
1. should i be more directive in his building a network?
2. should i request him call me everyday since I am his only link to AA currently. ( I am torn over this because he is accountable to God IMO not me)
3. he is going to a wedding for two days in Maine and I think I will request he call me on those two days. He is anxious about him and we read the portion in the BB that talks about going into certain situations where there is drinking, and how he can look to who he can help or how he can contribute to the situation.
As I said he is highly motivated to do the steps.
I guess I feel if he does the work, a fellowship will grow up and around him. The choices of friends I made in the beginning were not great ones, then when I got into the actual program slowly Unity in the form of people living the steps are growing around me, with little effort on my own.
Sorry so lengthy ... any tips on sponsoring greatly appreciated.
Have a great day all!
Joseph
i have my first sponsee and have a decent network of people here to seek advice from but thought I would put it out to this community; I have much respect for all the thoughtful and insightful posts.
I have been working with my sponsee for about 2 weeks. We have sat down and read through book together turning steps 1 and 2 into questions and he was willing to go on with the rest of the steps so his step 3 was in place. We did the resentment inventory and will be doing fear and sex this Tuesday. He has 35 days and is very willing to do the work.
My concern is that he is not reaching out, getting numbers, calling people and going out for coffee. This is actually more a concern for the two people I have asked what they think. I relapsed over and over for a decade and always made meetings and called people and hung out with members of AA but never really did the steps and got serious about having a relationship with a Power greater than myself. I stress to him it is the steps and the power of God in his life, a personal relationship with the God OF his understanding. I feel I would be lying if I told him I got sober on anything other than this .. I have told him about the three legacies, and how unity is the common solution and reaching out to the new guy.
I guess my question(s) are
1. should i be more directive in his building a network?
2. should i request him call me everyday since I am his only link to AA currently. ( I am torn over this because he is accountable to God IMO not me)
3. he is going to a wedding for two days in Maine and I think I will request he call me on those two days. He is anxious about him and we read the portion in the BB that talks about going into certain situations where there is drinking, and how he can look to who he can help or how he can contribute to the situation.
As I said he is highly motivated to do the steps.
I guess I feel if he does the work, a fellowship will grow up and around him. The choices of friends I made in the beginning were not great ones, then when I got into the actual program slowly Unity in the form of people living the steps are growing around me, with little effort on my own.
Sorry so lengthy ... any tips on sponsoring greatly appreciated.
Have a great day all!
Joseph
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 68
Yes, of course I have spoken with my sponsor . Since day one my sponsor told me to run things by others as well, to not just take her suggestions that this is a group effort , as a result I am reaching out to the online community.
As I mentioned, I share with him my truth about what has worked and hasn't worked for me.
As I mentioned, I share with him my truth about what has worked and hasn't worked for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 68
Thanks!
I will pass that along when I see him tomorrow evening indeed.
I went to a concert at two months but and had right motives , was as fit as I could be at time , and had escape route (sober family member who went with me) and it was fine !
I will pass that along when I see him tomorrow evening indeed.
I went to a concert at two months but and had right motives , was as fit as I could be at time , and had escape route (sober family member who went with me) and it was fine !
Let go and Let God!
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 352
When I first got into the program I called my sponser everyday, while using. What got me clean and sober was working the steps. When I worked the steps is when I got it. I continue to live the steps on a daily basis. The fact that this person is willing to work the steps is great.
My first sponsee was really shy. She had a hard time contacting people. We did the steps and it seemed after that she opened up more. She started going to the meetings after the meeting. She started going and doing things with AA members.
My first sponsee was really shy. She had a hard time contacting people. We did the steps and it seemed after that she opened up more. She started going to the meetings after the meeting. She started going and doing things with AA members.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Houston Texas
Posts: 1,003
I would keep inviting him to join you for coffee. Personally, I was entirely too exhausted and raw in the first few months of sobriety to do much more than get to a meeting. I felt OK with my sponsor. That was all.
The fellowship stuff was way overwhelming.
The fellowship stuff was way overwhelming.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 464
1. should i be more directive in his building a network?
2. should i request him call me everyday since I am his only link to AA currently. ( I am torn over this because he is accountable to God IMO not me)
3. he is going to a wedding for two days in Maine and I think I will request he call me on those two days. He is anxious about him and we read the portion in the BB that talks about going into certain situations where there is drinking, and how he can look to who he can help or how he can contribute to the situation.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
One of the hardest lessons I learned in AA...
I can't get anyone else drunk or sober
A sponsor is a mentor for Step work.
Have you read this info?
Alcoholics Anonymous : Pamphlets
many groups havve it on the free literature rack..
hope both of you stay sober...
I can't get anyone else drunk or sober
A sponsor is a mentor for Step work.
Have you read this info?
Alcoholics Anonymous : Pamphlets
many groups havve it on the free literature rack..
hope both of you stay sober...
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,969
A couple things to consider....if alcohol is still working for him, he may not yet be ready to stay stopped.
Have you set down guidelines for what needs to be done and agreed to them? Explained your role--what is it and isn't? This includes how often to call, day set for meeting together, meeting to attend together? And of course anything else that may need to be agreed upon together?
Has he read the big book alone and in it's entirety yet?
Willingness to go to any lengths is important.
Have you set down guidelines for what needs to be done and agreed to them? Explained your role--what is it and isn't? This includes how often to call, day set for meeting together, meeting to attend together? And of course anything else that may need to be agreed upon together?
Has he read the big book alone and in it's entirety yet?
Willingness to go to any lengths is important.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 56
I was going to respond to your questions. I thought before I do that let me grab my copy of Questions & answers on Sponsorship. I’m a little old fashioned I guess. I could have just used Carol’s link.
No matter how many times I read this thing (many, many, many times) I am amazed at how helpful it is.
Also, no mater how many times I read it, I fall short. This is good because it gives me a chance to be an example on how to make amends when I am wrong and what I do to change it. I love rule #62 in the fourth tradition: Don’t take yourself so damn seriously. As long as I stay focused (with God’s help) on carrying the AA message: having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps I can leave the rest to God.
No matter how many times I read this thing (many, many, many times) I am amazed at how helpful it is.
Also, no mater how many times I read it, I fall short. This is good because it gives me a chance to be an example on how to make amends when I am wrong and what I do to change it. I love rule #62 in the fourth tradition: Don’t take yourself so damn seriously. As long as I stay focused (with God’s help) on carrying the AA message: having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps I can leave the rest to God.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,903
My concern is that he is not reaching out, getting numbers, calling people and going out for coffee.
that never kept me sober,doing what he is doing keeps me sober
he is now in the business of trusting and relying in God,not us alone
that never kept me sober,doing what he is doing keeps me sober
he is now in the business of trusting and relying in God,not us alone
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
Coffee and socialization w/in the rooms NEVER helped me a single bit. It was the book work that did it period. I was in and out of the rooms for years, but not until I truly developed a "higher power consciousness" and would he be pleased with my decisions, did it work for me.
Being a people pleaser over coffee never helped me a single bit, nor did games, dances, etc.
It is a heart issue, really, not calling people or going out. While building networks helps, it really all comes down to you and God.
Lily
Being a people pleaser over coffee never helped me a single bit, nor did games, dances, etc.
It is a heart issue, really, not calling people or going out. While building networks helps, it really all comes down to you and God.
Lily
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 464
It was the book work that did it period.
The book alone is not designed to get us sober. The book is instructions of how "we" get sober
Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends—this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. page 89
Both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. BB page 100
Some day we hope that every alcoholic who journeys will find a Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous at his destination.- BB page 161
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
Originally Posted by UpperbucksAAguy 
Not trying to pick a fight- but the book emphasizes over and over that it is "we" and not "me"
The book alone is not designed to get us sober. The book is instructions of how "we" get sober
Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends—this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. page 89
Both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. BB page 100
Some day we hope that every alcoholic who journeys will find a Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous at his destination.- BB page 161
The book alone is not designed to get us sober. The book is instructions of how "we" get sober
Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends—this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. page 89
Both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. BB page 100
Some day we hope that every alcoholic who journeys will find a Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous at his destination.- BB page 161
Because when no one else is around....and no one can be contacted and it is just me and my HP it comes down to it, do I really want to do the next right thing, and why? It is to please my HP.
(This time around I don't feel like I have to be everyones BFF and have everyone LIKE me cuz what really matters to me is what someone wrote the other day and I find it to be soooo true: If you don’t learn to take your inventory, all your information will come from external sources.
The more I practice taking my inventory and then taking it to God the more I know what I believe in.)
This is what is keeping me sober today.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Originally Posted by Route164
My concern is that he is not reaching out, getting numbers, calling people and going out for coffee. This is actually more a concern for the two people I have asked what they think. I relapsed over and over for a decade and always made meetings and called people and hung out with members of AA but never really did the steps and got serious about having a relationship with a Power greater than myself. I stress to him it is the steps and the power of God in his life, a personal relationship with the God OF his understanding. I feel I would be lying if I told him I got sober on anything other than this .. I have told him about the three legacies, and how unity is the common solution and reaching out to the new guy.
My sponsor suggested I call one woman in the program every week. Just as practice .... just to say hi, hope you have a good day. So on those days when I really needed to pick up the phone, it was a little less scary. She made that suggestion based on her experience. She always told me she would never suggest something she wouldn't do herself. That meant something to me.
Isolation can be dangerous but it's not up to you if he goes out for coffee or not.
1) Share your experience
2) The steps. That's where it's at
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