soberbrooke

I am so confused about my emotions right now. I have 5 months of sobriety and have made big changes. I moved out of my home on 6/3ish?!? and into a new home very close to my old subdivision. I have 2 children at critical ages, aged 13 and 12 (in July) and I know I did the right thing. Their father will not stop using "mary jane" and I am now sober from a long addiction to alcohol. I am doing everything my sponsor tells me to do, and am feeling balanced, but the feelings I am having now are such an emotional roller coaster. I have gone from feeling ok to crying my heart out yesterday in the middle of a meeting. I am not sure what to do with myself when my boys are at their fathers. I am going to lots of meetings, thank God they are at 6pm and 8pm. I am continually giving all of my problems to God, into my God Box, and I seem to get more. So I just keep on putting them in the God Box also. I am doing everything right and everyone in my meetings can't believe that I am holding up so well. I think that on the outside I am looking like I am doing good, but on the inside I can't get in touch with what is going on. On Fri night I have a Perelandra Healing group that I started, which keeps me busy on Fri night, but on Sat night I have nothing. The boys were not here, so I went to a meeting. I do not want to go back to drinking, and I haven't even thought of having a drink. However, last night I was thinking of going to a restaurant just to be social, and I know exactly where that would lead me. I just do not know how to be sober and have a good time yet. I am new in sobriety, and I finally have made it past the one month mark, but I am not sure how to have fun anymore!! Am I going to be a sober, boring, mom!?!?!

suki44883

Have you made any friends with your AA group members? Gone out for coffee after a meeting? Maybe meet up and go see a movie? Do you enjoy reading? Is there a Barnes & Noble or some other bookstore around where you can go and relax and get out of the house? There are lots of things to do that don't have anything to do with drinking. I'm sure you can find something if you set your mind to it.

Sapling

No...You are not. Get phone numbers...Stay connected...Keep going to meetings...And don't drink today. Things get better. Don't get too far ahead of yourself. Pray and meditate...Do everything you have to do to not pick up...Hang out here...Hours if you have to. You're not alone...So don't be. Are you working the steps with your sponsor?

soberbrooke

Yes to both of yalls posts - i am going to coffee, I have gotten phone numbers and I am using them. I am talking to my sponsor everyday, and going to meetings with her sometimes. We have 5 different places for meeting in my area, so that has been a big help. I am continually giving all problems to God, and am trying to practice patience. I knew I couldn't stay in the other situation, I am just hoping now that I am out, I will be able to stay in my new situation!! It's like, "I am finally free of him, maybe that was why I was addicted" comes back and starts to haunt me, which I know isn't true. My father died from alcoholism in 1985, he was 38 years old. It was a very hard thing for me to go through. I know I am an alcoholic. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired this time and my light went off. There is no craving, but the social aspect I am starting to crave. Especially when the boys aren't with me.
I am also so grateful to find this site today. It is great to have some place to come to 24/7 and speak about all my feelings. I am just frightened that I might get too lonely. I can come to this site now and voice those opinions. And I am extremely happy about that.

Sapling

Maybe you found this site for a reason...You won't be lonely here. This is family...And now you are part of it. You get lonely...You come here. You didn't mention the steps...I needed that to keep me busy early on...Are you working on them with your sponsor?

Sapling

By the way...I knew when the light went on for me too....That's a real good thing.

CaiHong

Hi Soberbrooke,
You are doing well. Five months is still pretty early in sobriety. I am over a year sober now and looking back my emotions were all over the place. it can take some time for emotions to stabilize. it will happen.
love
caiHong

soberbrooke

Yes - I am working the steps. I am on steps 2-4 and about to do step 5. My sponsor said we will get step 5 done this week. She said that after I do step 5 I will feel so much better. I had no idea that finding a place and moving out of the old situation is doing the steps also. She said it is, so I am just going to believe her. Thank you for listening to me. I am just feeling the emotional roller coaster of getting sober, leaving a relationship, and my boys are wanting their father right now. It's just heartbreaking. I am going through a lot, and I still have no craving for any alcohol, which is just amazing to me. I still think about it a little, but no craving. I feel that my boys are looking at him as the "fun" one and me as the "boring" one. Its a really hard place for me to be right now. And to tell you the truth - my boys are right!! Dad is taking them out in the boat and having a great time with them, while I am sitting across the lake being boring!! That is my truth right now. All I do is go to meetings, go grocery shopping, and come home. This is very new to me - I just moved out, but I am hoping it will get better!!

Luling

I don't have advice, as I'm a beginner to this whole things as well. Just wanted to say that you're doing great, and welcome!

Edited to add: My older two kids are about the same ages as yours. Good for you for taking steps to improve your lives.

soberbrooke

And also - I should be unpacking right now!! But instead I can already see that I am going to be addicted to this site. I just feel like its a Godsend for me to find it today. I need to be able to voice my emotions no matter how childish they might be, and get feedback.

Sapling

You will...I'd get to it as soon as you can. So you've done your 4th step? You start getting some relief after 5,6 and 7. You're doing great. Trust God...Friends will come...Look at all the ones you just made.

soberbrooke

Thank you Luling. Another Texan. I am really fortunate to finally start to get why I should be sober.

Sapling

It is very new...But I can promise you if you keep doing what you are doing and don't pick up that first drink...It will get better than you could ever have imagined.

Luling

I'm addicted to this site too! Maybe there should be a website for people who are recovering from addictions to this website. Seriously, this forum is helping me so much; I'm having a hard time and don't know what I would do if I were all alone.

Veritas1

"I am continually giving all of my problems to God, into my God Box, and I seem to get more. So I just keep on putting them in the God Box also."

~

Love it.

Keep giving it to God.

Be encouraged.

Sapling

Maybe we could get Dee to run it.

Luling

Well, of course.

Dee74

Hi soberbrooke - welcome

I think moving house, or moving away from old relationships can be tough for any of us -
maybe you should cut yourself some slack here

It took me a long time to learn how to fill my sober life - for 2 decades I was used to finding all my answers in a bottle

I really had no idea how to live, have fun, and be happy sober - but you will - it will get better

Glad you've joined us

D

2granddaughters

5 months seems like a long time but in recovery (not the drinking part but the spiritual, mental, emotional part) it is not long at all.

In "How It Works" it says 'We stood at the turning point'. I have stood there numerous times over the years and I believe you are standing there now.
Our first reaction is to make changes because we don't like how we feel and we think that there is something wrong that needs to be righted. I think what we need is to renew our commitment to our program and "Stay on the Beam".... stay close to your sponsor and the oldtimers and fight the urge to want to "take control" like we used to do. God is my Higher Power and he works through the oldtimers .. I know little.

I am coming up on 23 years and it does get easier and better but I'm certainly not cured.
I have a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of my spiritual condition..... and some days it's hard to maintain !!

Keep the faith. Stay on the Beam. Follow the oldtimers.

All will be well.

Bob R.

Sapling

That worked for me today Bob...Great post!