MightyMung

So, this morning I woke up in a random kitchen in the middle of a city 50 miles from home with no idea how I got there.

Luckily, I had all of my belongings. I called the friend I was with (very very loyal) and he explained I had lain down in the middle of the road, told him I wanted to kill myself, so he spent 3 hours trying to get me home before eventually having to leave me.

I am 18 years old, and have been engaging in downright dangerous levels of drinking for the past 5 years.

I've been to doctors, counselors, I was even deemed likely to have DTs upon my last withdrawal from alcohol, and was given Librium as a result.

My liver tests showed extreme elevation of ALT and I was told to stop drinking or die after being hospitalised from a drug/drink overdose.

What the hell can I do? I feel as though I've exhausted all the options, and although I know it has to be a personal decision to stop drinking and you can't just rely on others to keep picking up the pieces, every time I 'stop' drinking, it only lasts a day or so. My mindset is so fluid and I can always justify a drink to myself if I want to.

I have just dropped out of uni due to being unable to cope socially without being plastered. Of course, getting drunk doesn't actually help at all because you wake up full of shame wondering what you did or said. I've propositioned girls for sex in my boxers, stolen from close friends, set fire to public property, told people i'd stab them to death, screamed and swore for hours after being admitted to a childrens ward after an accidental diazepam/buprenorphine overdose... the list is endless really.

I feel as though my family are starting to get sick of helping me. I feel like a failure despite having achieved the best A level grades in my school etc, I constantly worry and fret about what i've done or said to people while drunk, which leads to more drinking.

I am in debt to the tune of £500 and barely earn enough to pay my mother rent. I am a hopeless alcoholic at the age of 18 and I NEED to stop drinking or my life will be over. I think I have hit rock bottom, sitting here still drunk at 11pm after going to the pub straight from the strange kitchen I woke up in.

I hope I can find people to chat to and maybe even an online sponsor. At the moment, I feel determined to quit but i'm terrified that once I wake up tomorrow i'll suddenly decide to drink again and end up going to the off licence as soon as I get up.

Thanks for 'listening', please post a reply if you want to chat, I really need to speak to likeminded people.

2granddaughters

MightyMung: my recovery began in a 90 day rehab and continued on in AA.

Sounds like you are right about where I was.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

Dee74

Hi mightymung

I think joining a community like this can really help - I was skilled at the rationale too - but I found it much harder to do that when I would read here everyday the sorrow the tragedy and the damage alcohol can cause.

You'll find a lot of support here - and a few ideas too
Good to have you with us

Welcome!

langkah

Not fun having a problem you didn't want or ask for, I hear that. A bit unfair too that most of the world drinks without any ill effects life long and we cannot.

I didn't have the kinds of physical problems you're talking about, but had my share of other types by my mid 20's. Started making ineffective runs at AA at 21, got sober at 28. Lots of AAs get sober before they can legally drink. You're not too young at all. I sponsor a guy who got sober at age 17. Now he's 24 years sober and has been able to do the things in life that were important to him, chasing storms and doing broadcast radio.

If you're guts are starting to fail from drinking then lots of the usual questions are resolved. It's time now.

artsoul

Welcome mightymung -

It's hard to break the cycle - I don't think any of us can do it on our own. This forum has helped me so much - I practically lived here for the first week. Not only is the support great, but I learned ways to deal with cravings and stay motivated.

Have you considered inpatient treatment at all? I went to rehab many years ago and it was one of the best things I ever did for myself. It gave me a great start (30 days of being sober) and helped me figure out some issues I was dealing with like depression.

The thing with alcoholism is that it's progressive - it's only downhill from here. With the right help, though, you really can turn it around. I was terrified of getting sober..... now I love my life.

regeneration

hello mightymung... I'm new at being sober and I drunk consistently from the age of 13.. and I'm now in AA. I do feel a lot better physically and mentally already (though I know there is some work ahead).

It is helping as it give me something to do that doesn't involve drink and I get support. And I'm assuming you are UK based? I know it's difficult in the UK as culturally it seems everything revolves around drink but unfortunately that does not help those of us with alcohol issues. Once you stop drinking you will find a better life and other things to do.

Can you get back to your GP asap and go to AA/recovery groups? Sure your GP will be able to advise you on rehab options. Online assistance helps but I think you need to cover all bases, get the medical help and group support.

fuzzy1

Welcome MightyMung!
Hey, it might be a good thing after all that you go downward so quickly. You can have a long sober future. How about you call the AA helpline? Here's the number for the UK: 08457 697 555

Jitterbugg

MightyMung...the best thing working in your favour is that you are 18 and have your entire adult life still ahead of you. I did all those stupid things you described when I was 18 too, but I continued my reckless drinking until 34. I've been arrested, fired from jobs, and bankrupted myself. You can avoid this fate and many more shameful acts by doing something about it now!

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

It takes a strong person to seek help. You aren't alone anymore. Stick around, but I do suggest in-person support. Call that number and get someone to come to take you to a meeting and stick around with those people for some coffee or tea after the meeting.

Glad you are here!

Hevyn

Hi Mighty - I agree with the others, realizing at a young age what needs to be done is something to be thankful for. I spent my entire life trying to control the amounts I drank, with disastrous results. This never has to happen to you. You're reaching out for help and admitting your life is in chaos. That's when things can begin to change.

We drink because we're seeking a good time or an escape from our problems. Long after it stops being fun, we keep insisting we can find the old euphoria we once had - but it's not coming back. Even when our lives are in shambles, we still find it so hard to let go. You sound ready to do this, and we're happy you joined our family. We care about you and want to help. Please keep reading & posting.

Purplecatlover

Wow guy, you probably need to do a hospital detox. But you are so young, you've got your whole life ahead of you. But not if you keep going this way. I know it's hard to imagine not drinking ever again but it can be done. Even if you start one day at a time. Days add up. I had to focus on one day at a time, put one foot in front of the other. Once I had enough sober time under my belt, I was able to say with confidence, I won't ever drink again. Once I got free of the grip alcohell had on me, I could think so much more clearly, felt alot better mentally & physically.
You say you got straight A's. That takes discipline & hard work. You've got what it takes
to stay sober.
Find the strength to do this.
There's lots of support & people who have been where you are & are now living rewarding happy lives. Listen to them.
There are many different options to get sober. Stay here, read around, it's a plethora of good advice & help.
I wish you the best.

MightyMung

Struggling to not drink only one day after the events described in post 1.. boredom is my worst enemy.

debsam

No, alcohol is your worst enemy ....right?

Spend some time reading around on here MightyMung. You need a plan buddy to stay off the poison.

You have to want it bad enough. We're all here to support you!!!

MightyMung

It's such a mess where I live, because everybody drinks and no-one has any commitments. If I wanted to, I could arrange a party and have 30 people down the beach with enormous amounts of booze within 30 minutes. My brain tries to come up with ways to make relapsing "acceptable".

Things like 'oh you're a hopeless drunk, may as well just get the cirrhosis over with', 'i can quit tomorrow, i'm not that bad', 'i'll have nothing to do if I quit drinking so i don't want to quit', it's all crazy talk and I know that but it's so tempting.

I'm going to continue writing my book to keep my brain in the land of sobriety, i just fear getting a phonecall tonight saying "Jake come out, everyone's going into town for a messy one!"

sugarbear1

You can stop boredom by doing something. Get a hobby, clean the house, volunteer your time. Be productive! Stay stopped!! I'm happy you have stopped!

MightyMung

I've started going to the gym on the regular, and just got myself a nice job. Hopefully it'll keep me straight

Thanks for the kind words everyone!

debsam

So, this morning I woke up in a random kitchen in the middle of a city 50 miles from home with no idea how I got there.

Jake, ^^^. You have to want this to stop and you need help to do this.

hypochondriac

Have you thought about a recovery program MightyMung? Like AA or SMART. Or AVRT?

It's great you're getting help this young. I'm 30 and most of my really dangerous drinking was done at your age. I wish I'd stopped then. Stick around here and don't give up til you've tried every available option.

langkah

I'm curious, why would staying really, really busy be the answer to a problem you'll be dealing with lifelong that is beyond anything you can do on your own steam to effect it?

Is it possible the 10% of throughout human history who share our little condition somehow missed trying to stay really, really busy?

But if things don't fall together for you now, there's still very likely your 20's. Or maybe your 50's.

One shouldn't stop being miserable and causing great unhappiness to those they should have cared better for any sooner than makes absolute sense to them. Personal choices should be honored.

MightyMung

I have tried the local services, counseling, ADDACTION, AA, but found all preached fairly useless and common sense advice such as "drinking is often used as a method of escapism" and tended to focus on educating people on why they drink rather than actually offering good methods to ensure long-term cessation.

I'm not knocking the programs, as they have worked for millions of people, but I feel that as I have a.) established why I'm drinking b.) concluded to myself that it is unhealthy, dangerous and counter-productive yet c.) still continue to plumb the depths of squalor, that a more pragmatic approach is needed.

My main problem throughout my life has been lack of a hobby - everyone was out playing sports etc, whilst I wasn't. This led me to get together with "like-minded" people and then the drinking started. I was finally 'good' at something, as if being able to put away skinfuls of lager is something to be proud of, and the amounts I was drinking on the regular led to it becoming a way of life.

I've associated certain emotions - sadness, fear, shame, boredom with the desire to drink. Now, when I feel one of those emotions I reach for the bottle as a quick fix, and it does work, short term, to alleviate whatever unwanted emotion I am feeling. Obviously long term it is neither healthy nor productive. Drinking has prevented me from facing up to the realities of life and, as such, has led me to never fully maturing in my head. I am still a baby in many ways, except instead of having a blankie or a dummy to suck on, I have a can of strong lager.

I feel bitter, angry and isolated being the "only one" who can't moderate my drinking. My friends are all binge drinkers/drug users and in order to modify my behavior i'll have to turn my back on them. That leaves me without the friends I have spent 5 years growing close to.

I'm not looking for excuses, it needs to happen. But i'm not particularly sure organised support groups are for me, as i've still got that arrogance of youth where i think "pfft, i reckon i can sink lower than you and still pull myself up". It's a totally useless way of thinking that can only damage me, but it's quite hard to shake when you've adapted to the idea over time that you're "hopeless" and beyond help, even self-help.

If I continue my mother will disown me. I'm on very thin ice. I think that will be enough to keep me strong.