Purplecatlover

I second the AVRT recommendation.
Look under secular connections. Terminally Unique knows ALOT about it.
You can PM him if you have questions.

LosingmyMisery

Reading your thread prompted something in me. I know the long road and would try to detour anyone from going down the same path as I. I just want others to know that if I can do it, anyone can. I really thought I was a hopeless case resolved to a life of drinking and misery. When I was faced with the reality of death, it sparked something inside of me to fight. I still wasn't to sure if I would win, but I was going to give it a shot. The end results were a pleasant surprise. I never in a million years thought I could live my life sober, but I am. There is a solution and the choice is there for the taking. Good luck!

MightyMung

You sound an awful lot like me actually, I packed uni in and buggered off to Corfu to volunteer on an olive farm for a couple of weeks. It really gave me an interesting perspective on things. I planned to do more travelling as I felt even the short experience I had was perhaps the most worthwhile thing i'd ever done.. i bounced back into my dorms sober, smiling for the first time in ages, and gleefully poured all of my benzodiazepines and opiates out of the window. I genuinely didn't need them at that point.

Somewhere in the past few weeks though I forgot what that feeling was, of stepping off the plane refreshed and ready for anything. It's actually incredible to think that it's only been two weeks since my 'relapse', and i've spent every single day intoxicated, causing all manner of social and familial problems once again. I'm pretty glad i've remembered the travelling. Although i have no money at all at the moment, for obvious reasons, i'd really like to travel again. It was definitely a rebirth.

debsam

"Somewhere in the past few weeks though I forgot what that feeling was, of stepping off the plane refreshed and ready for anything. It's actually incredible to think that it's only been two weeks since my 'relapse', and i've spent every single day intoxicated, causing all manner of social and familial problems once again. I'm pretty glad i've remembered the travelling. Although i have no money at all at the moment, for obvious reasons, i'd really like to travel again. It was definitely a rebirth."

Just the simple fact that you tapped into this memory of travel, hope, feeling alive speaks volumes.

The real you, the real JAKE is in there .

You might not have money at the moment, but I guarantee you that if you get yourself sober, you won't know what destination to pick first.

MightyMung

Thanks for the kind words of support

MightyMung

Feeling much better today. Had a great day, went to work and had to serve many people in their 40s and 50s buying white cider and super lagers. Obviously I can't judge people but it made me realise I don't want to go down that road.

Had a great session at the gym and ate really healthily, and for once i'm optimistic about waking up in the morning. Roll on day 3

hypochondriac

Well done MM When I see people drinking and smoking I always think 'I'm glad I don't have to do that anymore' x

MightyMung

Yeah, it's a liberating thought. Hope all is ok with you

Hevyn

Glad to hear the good news MM. We knew you could.

MightyMung

I hope people won't mind me using this post as a sort of log, if so just let me know.

Day 3, went out driving around town with 3 mates and ended up at the pub to see 5 or 6 more. The temptation to drink WAS there but I silently resisted and MASSIVELY surprised myself - i found i was more confident than ever before!

I thought drinking made me more confident, and was scared to expose myself socially without it, but I was amazed at how well I was managing to work a group of people without the crutch. I was getting visible attention from girls that would normally look through me, and everyone was looking to me to lead the conversation.

Although this may seem like only a minor thing to some, for me this is a massive achievement. Tonight i've proven not only that I don't need to drink, but that my sober personality is BETTER in a group party situation than my drunk personality. No more slurring words, no more saying the wrong thing and then waking up to pick up the pieces, and (hopefully) no more girls looking through me as "just that guy who's always drunk".

Roll on day 4! Hope you've all had a great day too

Purplecatlover

Keep this thread as your journal. It is way cool to go back through time & see people grow. Read Jaddabutt (? Spelling) thread. It's like a 2 yr journey. Pretty awesome.

fuzzy1

My post wasn't meant to be negative, sorry if you perceived my directness that way.

Lily

Mighty Mung,

I like your tenacity. I also believe in the AVRT method cuz our drinking and using always starts in the mind. So it taking those thoughts captive and telling them NO. At the same time, I do like the Big book cuz of the fact it has taught me how to work on my character defects. Perhaps you could download a free copy online and read thru "how it works and into action." See, I learned (Finally after trying to get clean and sober for over 20 yrs literally and now have 16 months) I am a control freak, I want things the way i want them, period, I get bored easily and thought I had ADD, but i found out really it was selfishness due to control and manipulation. If others were not doing what I wanted to do, i was like, screw this, I am going to change the subject, or do something else...etc.

I learned that resentments had to be dealt with, not just avoid the people i didn't like.... etc.

AA meetings do not get you sober, but working thru the book can and does! I use a variety of materials in my recovery all as tools in my toolbox. another for me is the holy Bible. (doesn't work for everyone I know)

Blessings on your road...I am praying for you. You are young and have a whole life ahead of you!

Lily

MightyMung

Thanks for the replies, i'll have a look at the big book tonight.

Today was an interesting day. Last night I met up with some friends and we ended up smoking some weed. That kicked off the craving for more intoxicants, but there weren't any to hand, and I refused to buy any alcohol. This morning, we smoked some more and I took a small amount of an unusual dissociative drug (won't go into details but as it's a relatively new compound, but it's basically pure hedonistic escapism).

As i've come round from this i've realised that craving for escapism stretches to all substances, so i'm going to boycott them all from now on. I've also sadly realised that what I truly want to do in life (travel) will take discipline. As Lily said above, I too am a control freak. I want to be in Thailand NOW, and some of my peers can because they have two rich parents. I, on the other hand, have only one poor parent, and i'm not going to squeeze her for money. If I want to travel, it's going to take effort to save up the money - something i've never really appreciated before. Although it's quite a daunting prospect, i'm looking forward to it.

If I can get only one thing out of remaining sober, I wish it would be the discipline to keep myself on the right path. If I can remain disciplined enough to quit drinking, then I can remain disciplined enough to save up to go to South East Asia.

langkah

Great you're still trying. Keep the focus going you had some days ago about how great it is to go through life being completely clear headed, meeting life's situations and people without being fogged and off kilter.

Tomorrow's a new day and a fresh start.

MightyMung

Thanks. Yup, i'm definitely learning to appreciate the value of clearheadedness more by the day.

MightyMung

Fell off the wagon after 18 days, drank for the past 4 days. Luckily, no damage has really been done except to my morale and a (small) amount to my finances. Minor blip, time to start over.

Sapling

Welcome back MightyMung...I hope you get to the point where you don't have to start over again....It's exhausting.

hypochondriac

Sorry to here that MM x Are you working on anything to help you stay sober? x

MightyMung

Ugh, spent the past few days just drinking and blowing money on stupid things. Really made a mess of the last week. Last night I ended up in a club (on monday, yes) with all of the other dross drinkers who use clubbing as an excuse to get pissed. Did loads of stupid things that no-one else will remember because they were doing stupid things too, but I can't help but cringe when thinking about them.

It's amazing how at the time all the lies that just flood out of my mouth, and all the crazy things seem acceptable. It may sound small but when I am sober I NEVER disrespect women or do anything that could be seen as misogynist.. last night a girl was showing off her ass and I kept pinching it like all the other lecherous people in there.. woke up mortified.. although it's only a small act and I didn't do anything she didn't encourage it feels like I was a different person last night that I don't want to become again.

I'm lucky it's only been a few days and i've managed to get on top of it again. My friends have gone back to uni and i'm working basically 24/7 this coming week. I won't spoil my busy schedule by getting drunk again.