faithfully

Hi

So I've formally been diagnosed with subclinical hyperthyroidism. For the past two weeks I have not been taking care of my addict who is also very sick. I went twice last week to his place we had plans and he cancelled on me both times after I drove all the way in town.

I still am planning on moving cross country. He and I have had nothing but fights on the phone and I keep hanging up. I cannot stand the way he treats me this condition makes me on edge. He's pretty much blown his 1000 disability in one week and I sense his panic because I think he knows I'm not shelling out any cash this time for him (except I pay his rent and bring him groceries, my rule is NO CASH, which I have never been able to stick to).

He keeps pushing me, "we gotta get ready, we've been slacking on packing to go back east" and yesterday I blew up at him and said "don't include me in that it's your responsiblity to pack your stuff I have 4 times the amount of stuff and no one to help me" I was pretty horrible. He then gave me a 20 minute ultimatum, I either say yes or no to being with him going back east and give him an answer in 20 minutes. He's done this before. Then given me the "you're throwing 16 years down the drain" "you wasted 16 years of my life" etc etc. and "your little stupid thyroid problem is nothing compared to my problems" then he started to say he's dying, at the end of his days and read me everything that's on his disability application about his condition, like I didn't know any of it.

I honestly am not feeling too well, my throat hurts, if I stress out I get heart palps and I'm tired. I can barely work and I haven't been hustling to get contracts, I don't have it in me. I'm living on savings. I can't hustle anymore and everything I make just goes to paying off loans I got to pay for his ****. I'm tired. I don't care. My plan is to camp all summer. I know that sounds hippie but why pay rent for a box I live in when I can just as easily camp. Nothing I've done seems worth it anymore and I just want to go be closer to family. Not sure what I'm doing anymore.

KuanYin

Hi faithfully. What are you doing to take care of yourself? You do know addicts trade food/groceries for drugs, right? Are there any meetings near you that you can attend?

suki44883

When you have truly had enough, you will stop contact with him. No one deserves to be treated the way he treats you. You can do better.

outtolunch

You have been living with an active addict for 15 years. According to your posts, he has been saying he's dying for at least the past 5 years. Yet, he's still here doing what drug addicts do.

He has not taken any responsibility for himself or his medical condition. You are not responsible for him.

He's blows his $900 disability check in 5 days, on crack. You are in debt because you have been paying his living expenses, enabling him.

It sickens me to read he's throwing you the line that he's wasted 16 years of his life and all that. What a double load of carp.

A fraction of the money you are spending on enabling him could buy some seriously good therapy for yourself. You cannot save him, from himself. You can however, save yourself and you are worth it. Please cut this manipulative, drug addicted leach off, go home and reclaim your life. You are worth it.

faithfully

Thanks for all the support. I am going to a Naranon meeting tonight. I have been taking care of myself, quit smoking cigs, going to 12 step meetings and trying to eat properly. I am no longer drinking beer or smoking pot anymore. I am trying not to stress out and walking everyday. Taking vitamins etc.

I am doing bits of work for one client but can't seem to push to get out there and hustle up contracts. Because my eyes are having troubles I find it hard to do the work I do on the computer for as long as I used to. I am resting. I am praying.

Thanks outtolunch for keeping the history in perspective.

Sometimes he doesn't spent all the money on drugs, he'll go and gamble some of it at the casino. (great, yet another stupid addiction). I could use some therapy I know! This forum helps a lot so thank you.

faithfully

I just read all my posts from years ago, and I can't believe how bad it was, funny how you forget, I've been on my own living 40 minute drive away from him, which I orchestrated, so he cannot get to me (no bus route I am in the boonies)

How can I forget? Yesterday I got a taste of it when he was yelling at me on the phone, giving me the ultimatum etc. You know I was afraid that if I didn't call him back and say yes yes come with me within the 20 minutes that he may find someone who can drive him out to where I live. And then I realized it's my fear that was making me call him again.

It took me so much to get away the last time about 9 or so months ago, why would I forget all that and want to move back in? At least living separately we have been able to have some kind of relationship and I've had to hang up on him various times and turn the phone off but at least I can sleep at night and have the option of doing that.

I didn't call him today, but of course, lo and behold, he was calling me. What if I lie and tell him I have to go in the hospital, and then pack up and leave, or maybe tell him I have to go back east to go to the hospital? I know lying is bad but...maybe it's the best thing to do?