OCDDan

Even tho I only had one drink on Valentines day with my girl friend, the cravings since then have been very strong, kind of like the one's you would get on day one of withdrawal. If I stay busy it doesn't happen but every now and then I've been getting these cravings and the alcoholic me tries to rationalize? having another, especially today.

I made this deal with myself and my "bad self" that I would just have one every once in a while under cetain circumstances with my girl friend, I'm starting to think this is going to be too hard to pull off, I feel like I'm going to have a real problem soon.
There's been talk here lately about moderating and that seems about impossible to me, it's only been about a week since Valentines day and i'm having trouble. This is weird, one month I'm like "this is easy" next month Bam, alcohol is coming for me.. sorry about ranting, I wasn't expecting this at all. at least writing this stopped me from drinking for a few minutes., thanks for reading.

Sapling

Yeah...We talk about that a lot....Usually with the same results that you got. You know what your options are.

Hevyn

You're not ranting. I completely understand. That's why - instead of moderating - I had to stop all together.

My plans to have 'just one' failed terribly. In the end I drank all day, every day. Because I didn't stop as a younger person, my life spun out of control. I'm glad you're talking a hard look at what alcohol is doing to your life.

Threshold

Part of it is that that "one" feels and tastes pretty good, so of course we want to repeat that,, but inevitably as addicts, we always fall into the "if a little is good, a LOT must be better" and away we go.

at least that is how it operates for me.

christoofar

No need to apologize for thinking you are ranting.

I think most can relate to thinking they can have just one more. I have been through detox four times and you what got me there the last three? Thinking I can have just one more!

I'm on day two of abstinence and when I get over the withdrawls and gain some sort of sobriety back in my life; one thing I know is that I can never have another drink. Not even a sip.

Best of luck to you.

Dee74

Thanks for sharing that Dan - a lot of people seem to be going through this at the moment.

I think it's a pretty universal delusion - it took me a long time to accept I'm not like other people.

D

Hevyn

What it took me so long to understand is - once that first drink hits, all bets are off. Good intentions & resolve go out the window. I couldn't believe willpower never worked where alcohol was concerned.

Hemisunbird

Thanks for your rant. I feel I do the same too when I "spill my guts". I still have a hard time recognizing the fact that I can not just have one. I end up chasing that first little buzz for an entire day, week, or month. Then I stay sober for a week or two and feel awesome until..... the cravings come in like crazy.

scrambled2012

Compaired to a cold pepsi, beer taist like sh*t. I do not now and never will understand people who drink alcohol for any reason other then the high.

And for me, I greatly enjoy being high. I enjoy it so much I want to stay high constantly when I figure out a way to get there.

Just one? Not even close to my minimum requirements. And of course, with every one after the second, my minimum requirements to get where I want to be go up up up, until my brain shuts down and I end up talking to officer Smith or officer Jones, wondering what the hell just happened.

I think folks who drink alcohol for "the taste" are weird. I'm not ashamed in the least of admitting I drank for the high...and I know that to keep my life from being destoryed and to prevent myself from harming others, I need to say no, especially to "just one."

lillyknitting

It would seem you've reawakened the addiction. I hear this time and time again. The only guaranteed way to stop drinking is complete abstinence. Try reading Allan Carr's book as an alternative therapy.

OCDDan

Thanks for the suport, I need that while i do try to figure out what my options are for staying sober, heven knows I've failed terribly before (been at it for over 40 years). I think part of it all was a little of the "reward system" working bc i accomplished so much today, also some of the universal delusionism too.. and thinking of that sip of scotch whiskey - - well nevermind that, I think I'm over the hump, it seem's it will be back tho. thanks for talking me off the bridge today!..

Sapling

Dan...What are you doing as a recovery plan?....Anything?

OCDDan

Whiteknuckles (again)

Sapling

Well...You can save yourself some agony and maybe try one of these programs that people around here have recovered with...Just a thought.

OCDDan

you know what? you are right, I spend an incredible amout of time studying technology, i bet i could put a few hours into recovery, hmm.. I've tried AA, are there Internet programs?

Sapling

You just got that list that Zencat posted...That's a good start...Find something and put some time into it...That's a good list...That should be posted somewhere.

jocata

Tried the moderation too, never with positive results. It's just not even worth trying anymore. Trying to moderate has just led me to so much misery. It much less painful to just stay away from drugs and alcohol completely for me.

Thanks for sharing Dan.

God bless.

jocata

Btw, whiteknuckling never worked very long for me either.

OCDDan

I did it one time for over 2.33 years, then all hell broke loose..

JohnnyDetox

I feel for you brother but if you want to make things smoother, a program's the way to go. White knuckling is just to exhausting .

Scrambled - Nice one !