Lost3000

I had a friend die of cancer last week. He used to live in my city but has lived in another city for years now. His friends/family there had a wake for him, but his friends in my city did nothing.

A friend of mine is hosting a gathering about 3 wks from now. I'm totally nervous about it. Alright, my honest emotion is split. Part afraid, part not wanting to go at all.

My friend that passed away was a big beer drinker. And like all drunkards, they feel that it's best to celebrate his life by drinking a lot of beer. This sounds ridiculous to me. Doctors have found a direct link between heavy drinking and cancer. Someone dies of cancer, who was a heavy drinker, so let's celebrate by drinking heavily?? WTH??

Anyway, the gathering will be all of my old, old friends. Lots of people I haven't seen in years. Also my husband's friends as we were all friends back in the day.

I know he wants to go. I don't really. But I need to support him. And I don't want him to be uncomfortable about it. So we've reached a compromise.

We will show up early with a relish tray and a bottle of Perrier. We'll stay for a little while then get the heck out of dodge. He's told me to just say the word and we are out of there, especially if I'm going crazy.

He thinks that I'm underestimating myself. I'm naturally chatty, and love social situations. I'm very comfortable being around people. So he thinks I might actually enjoy myself. We shall see. Wish me luck, I think I'm going to need it.

Love this site. It's therapy for me.

Anna

Sounds like a good plan.

Lost3000

I sure hope so. Maybe I should look upon this as a test. Thanks Anna.

Scolova

Good you have the plan, whether it's plan A or B..., you have an 'out', but if you want to test yourself you can, just be very careful with that. I too cannot understand people doing exactly what caused the death of another, in the same breath, I have done the same without thought. A whole lot of people out there just don't have real coping skills it's always the bottle, a pill or other drug.
Wish you the best, I hope your strength and sobriety might set an example to the others, if only just one notices and begins to wants that for themselves.

Lost3000

Well, to be fair, cancer was the cause of his death, not necessarily drinking. But drinking has been known to increase risk of cancer, so....

Not too long ago I myself was a huge proponent of drinking at funerals. I'm not really sure what my thought process was there, something to do with it being a miserable day so why not? Doesn't make sense to me now, but I can't really judge others for doing it.

I don't really want to test myself. But like I said, I need to support my husband. He's supportive of me, and so together we thought up the plan.

I really like your last sentence and didn't really think of it that way. Thanks for bringing it to mind.

soberjim

What Scolova said! plus Good Luck!

Jim

Sapling

Sounds like something you should go to...You have a way out if you need it. Go be yourself and enjoy your perrier and old friends. You'll know when it's time to go and what you can't do. Have fun and celebrate your friends life not drinking. I think it's great.

MentalLoop

I only know of you what you post, but I tend to agree with your husband - I think you are underestimating yourself. You have a gift in your writing communication, a skill I can only imagine transcends your verbal side. I bet the non-drinking part at a drinking function will be no sweat for you.

Sapling

So was I lost...And any other event that had more than two people...And if it didn't have 1 other person...I drank by myself.

Lost3000

I suppose you are right, thanks for the encouragement!

You think? That's quite a compliment, thanks! I don't know about the function, but I guess there's only one way for me to find out.

True for me too.

munchkin05

I feel like the others here. I'd say go ahead and go! You have left yourself a way out so if it gets too much you can always bail.

2granddaughters

You drive. That way you can leave when YOU have to.

Lost3000

Thanks Munch! I feel a little better about going now.

Good idea! I probably will, although my husband barely drinks as it is. He's normal.

Dee74

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend Lost.

D

Lost3000

Thanks Dee. I've had a few people I know die lately. Two colleagues last year (cancer and suicide) and then this friend. Tough.

justhadenough

I'm sorry for your loss Lost. You come across as a decent and kind person. you have helped me. thank you.

Lost3000

justhadenough: I don't think I've been this way for many years, but I think I'm slowly finding myself. What I want to be is a kind and decent person. Thanks so much for saying that. Take care and hope to see your posts soon.

logicalparadox

Yes, I think you driving and having a plan set in place is the best thing you can do to protect yourself as well, and also very sorry for your loss.

Lost3000

Thanks logical. I'll probably drive us home, he'll drive us there. We have a good strong marriage and I trust and believe him when he says that if I need to go we will.

katrinka

You may find that some of your old friends don't drink anymore either and you won't feel out of place.