Lost3000

Oooh, I'd love for this to be true.

Lost3000

OMG. Every outing this person puts together has to do with booze. I posted over on the women's forum but I know that you guys have read this thread.

So the event has been set. Not at her house like I thought, but of course, a bar. Where everyone can "tip their glass" to our dead friend. My DH just rsvp'd "for himself" he says. Well how freaking thoughtful of him. Meanwhile I'm freaking out and not really wanting to go. It's at an old bar that we all used to hang out in. The same old bar I used to get totally lit at. So should I go with him as support or stay home???

Scolova

Sorry to hear that ,
Might try calling the place ahead of time and see what 'other' (non-alchy) drinks they serve. Bars were never a favorite of mine, I never liked get drunk out at places, but here in Texas you pratically get thrown outta the place for ordering an iced tea or a diet coke. lol

Sapling

Maybe it's not meant to be Lost...If this is going to freak you out before you even get there...It may not be worth it. Which is more important to you..? It's your call.

janiebluebird

I personally think it might be a bad idea as it will most likely trigger memories from old partying days there, and how are you to know how you will react to them? While there or even in the days following. Maybe you should do your own thing for your friend. It sounds like a risky situation to me, and one that you have clearly decided to leave behind.

Sapling

The question comes down to...Will you even be able to enjoy yourself?....Nothing like white knuckling it through a night with a bunch of drunks in my old watering hole in early sobriety....I don't know...There's got to be something better to do than that.

LadyNoBinge

Thank you for posting this! I am constantly put in weird situations like this too. I say If it is too anxiety inducing, don't go. The world will keep turning. If you do go, drink cranberry juice, talk to people you like and when you feel like leaving, dip out without making the goodbye rounds, just leave! Who knows-maybe you'll have some nice conversations with people you haven't seen in a while. If it's weird, leave! I am sorry your friend died, that is sad. I hope you are okay. xo

Lost3000

I think the problem here lies with me and my husband. That's how it feels anyhow. He wants to go and I don't. I've been dreading it for some time, but before I thought it'd be at her house where I'd be much more comfortable.

Instead she picks an old haunt of mine. And then he rsvp's without even talking to me about it. I don't rsvp without talking to him about it first, so WTH?

We do practically everything together, so it would feel weird for him to go without me. Plus, all of our old friends from years back that we haven't seen will likely be there.

I'm beginning to feel like I don't have a choice though, because me being sober comes first.

Sapling

Explain that to your husband...Let him make his own choice.

Lost3000

Sapling and Lady, I'm doing ok. It was a friend of mine from old party days, I haven't seen him in years. Will I be able to enjoy myself? I don't know. Maybe.

My husband seems to be taking the stand of "I'm going no matter". Which honestly hurts me. We are going to talk about it tonight. I've been overreacting a lot since I got sober, so maybe I am about this too.

One thing is for sure, as soon as I can, I'm leaving work for the gym as I gotta work this out on the treadmill.

Lost3000

Explain which part?

Sapling

Where your sobriety ranks in the grand scheme of things. This isn't a peanut butter sandwich you are talking about.

Lost3000

Yeah, you are probably right.

I'm headed to the gym soon, that always makes my head feel better.

Lost3000

Well, last night didn't go too well -- at least in the beginning. We argued but then made up later. I went to the gym (instead of the bar, my usual response), and came back calmer. My DH called me while I was at the gym, apologized and we had a nice dinner.

I think he's offended that I believe it's an event like any other. This is his friend, and he feels that this is "funeral". I disagree in that this group drinks and this is their next excuse to drink. Although it is a gathering that we haven't had for nearly 20 years.


I also think he's frustrated with the social invite struggle within me - because as he stated, before I wouldn't have even 2nd guessed it. I did explain to him clearly how serious I am about sobriety, and how important it is to me. I think he's trying hard to understand, but I'm sure it is frustrating for him.

We decided to talk again when the date gets closer (it's 3 wks away). I think I'll probably go, but with a plan, as always. I remembered that this place serves a full dinner menu. When I'm full from dinner, drinking is the last thing I want to do. When I drank, I purposely would avoid dinner because it got in the way. So I think I'll either have dinner before or at the place, and then socialize, then leave. I was thinking maybe we could drive both of our cars so I can have an out.

Thanks for listening. This sober thing can be tough! I can't believe my conviction for it though. The last time I got sober, I just didn't have this type of commitment in me.

Sapling

Maybe that's why you had to start over Lost...I like the idea of two cars...As long as hubby can make it home on his own OK.

Lost3000

Sapling:

The reason I had to start over? Well, not really, but sort of.

At the time I first got sober, I was in full denial of the complexity of alcoholism. I knew I had a problem, but I thought it could be fixed temporarily. I did quit, but with the understanding that it was for a short time, and that I could drink once again during my upcoming vacay, four months later. I did drink four months later, and figured I'd come back from vacation and live a sober life again.

This was a huge mistake. I see that now. After I got back from vacation, I began slowly, with wine, then moved on to vodka, then returned right back to where I was when I first quit.

My thinking has changed greatly now, I realize I'm an alcoholic, and I'm fully committed to never drinking again. I could not say that before.

As I've said, my husband rarely drinks. He's normal. He has 1/2 a glass of wine, maybe, and that's it. He drinks a few times per year.

sugarbear1

You might run into an old friend who is struggling with this same "disease" or whatever you call it. You might be this friend's salvation to a sober life. Always have a back-up plan. In 3 weeks, you also might just know that drinking/drugging is no longer part of you or your life plans and everything will go smoothly. Create that back-up plan. I know I've had enough, for today. Let it go for now. Take it one day at a time. For today, no worries about tomorrow.

Enjoy your sobriety.

Lost3000

Ha! I don't know what I call it. For now, it's my struggle.

I know now that drinking (I'm not a drugger) is no longer a part of me or my life - I have no room for it. I think I've got my backup plan.

You've had enough of...? this thread? Sorry!

freshstart57

Lost3000, I will bet you a barrel of Skittles that SugarBear meant that there has been enough alcohol, not enough of this thread.

This is a good thread because this topic needs discussion. It helps all of us make a plan when we know that we are exposing ourselves to the world that includes alcohol. Sooner or later we all will face this situation, and passing through it scott free is a great feeling of accomplishment.

I don't think you will have a bit of trouble with it, but if you do, you can bravely run away.

Lost3000

HUGE shout out to you. Two friends have already approached my DH, quietly, about their concern about the get together b/c...drumroll... they are alcoholics. I'm sad that they have my afliction, but so happy I'm not alone!!! So we are meeting up for dinner beforehand and will make our appearances, but won't have to white knuckle it knowing we are all there. DH and I will still drive separate cars so I have my out.

No skittles for you!! LOL. Thanks for your words.