joelly

Hi,
Just introducing myself. I'm feeling positive as I feel this is the most serious step i've taken in sorting myself out. I'm sure you've heard it all before, I'm sat here now with a hangover, feeling awful, after telling myself i'd only have two glasses of wine.
I'm trying to decided if I actually have a problem really. I've probably drunk too much most weekends and sometimes mid week for about 15 years now. I stopped completely when I was pregnant with both children so I know I can when I have enough to make me determined. What's bothering me is since I've been able to drink again, I really go for it, although I can stop and often do, as the prospect of a hangover dawns on me, I often manage a couple of glasses of water before bed and even a vitamin drink!!! BUT I wake up after a few hours sleep and feel like my heart is going to jump out of my body, I can't get back to sleep at all and feel depressed, miserable and tired the next day...... so am in control??? kind of...... well I tested my blood pressure and it's really high, internet research seems to suggest this drinking is certainly adding to if not causing it, (I know I should see a doctor, I've an appointment in a couple of weeks) my intention was to leave off the drink for a week or so and test my blood pressure again and see if it had gone down. ...anyway, i'm going off track (remember i'm hungover when you read this) So i'm just so annoyed with myself basically if I'm invited out, I can NEVER stop at one, I usually drink about 2 bottles of wine which is enough for a baaad hangover and the whole heart jumping thing. I'm worried about my health but I think I'm just not fun when I'm sober. In all honesty it's definatly a confidence thing for me. I'm not really sure what I'm hoping you're going to tell me, and sometimes I think 'well i'm just normal, everyone goes out, has a few too many and has hangovers', but I've been reading your threads and think a little support will help. None of my friends really take me seriously when I say I want to stop, they've just heard it before and know how much I like a drink and a dance. I find a lot of your stories an inspiration by the way and the support you offer eachother is amazing.

Sapling

Hey joelly...Good Sunday morning...Sorry about the hangover....I had to give those up. That sentence there says a lot....The fact that you are here says a lot. I don't know...I just had to get honest with myself that I was losing this battle...Almost completely. It made it easier for me to deal with it and look for a solution....Lot of different ways to STOP here....I'd recommend it....It doesn't get better as you go along. Find something that interests you...Some kind of plan....And work it with all you have. You can change your life....If you're willing to do it. And be sure and read, post and ask questions here...It helps a lot.

joelly

Thank you Sapling. I will keep browsing the forums and listening to you all. This can't go on. In fairness to my friends I have never said all this to them, it's just been the whole 'never again' conversation.

NewBeginning010

You can do this joelly, we are here to support you on this journey.

to SR

Sapling

I had that one many times....I finally gave up.

NewBeginning010

Yep, same here. I was well & truly sick & tired or being sick & tired.

joelly

Thanks. It should be an easy week, visiting a friend who's pregnant for the week with the children so there'll be no temptation. First step give her a call and tell her of my intentions.

justhadenough

Hi Joelly

Welcome to SR

your story sounds like mine. i've tried to moderate for years but now accept I cant do it. If I have to think so much about when to drink/how much to drink/ when to stop/how much to buy I know I have a problem. Normal drinkers don't have to think so much about it. Once I have that first drink I can't stop. Any intentions to have 2 glasses of wine soon become 2 bottles. you will find most of your friends won't understand-but it's not for us to try and convince them. If we know we have a problem, we only have ourselves to answer to and only we can decide to stop and stay stopped. good luck

Dee74

Welcome to SR joelly
I think you're making a great decision - good to have you with us

D

sugarbear1

Welcome!

midgetcop

Hi joelly, welcome to SR! I was a binge drinker and suffered similar symptoms to you (waking up at night with pounding heart, high blood pressure). Now, I'm not a doctor and can't give medical advice, but I want to tell you that those symptoms did resolve after I stopped drinking. Either way, let your doctor know what's going on.

phoebe64

Hi Joelly. Wow, you could be me! Same with giving it up for pregnancies, no problem, and then slipping, in the past 7 years after having my son, into gradually having at least a bottle and usually more, many nights a week. Always at least 2 large glasses in the evenings(which was at least 3 normal ones).

Oh, and the waking with the pounding heart, and sweats, etc...! Ugh! I do NOT miss that. I was doing that everytime I drank of late. Biggest motivator to give it up. i was not too heavy back into it, so I think, if i had been sleeping all night, i would have been feeling better. But any night I drank more tha 2 glasses, woke around 3ish, and could not sleep. Just exhausting. It was better the first night I stopped.

i am on day 6, after slipping. I had several months of sobriety beginning in Sept. 2010. So, I know these first weeks are the hardest. Last time(and I hope this time) I was feeling really good afer a month or so and did have a much easier time. The big mistake is beginning to reconsider and thinking you can control it once you are feeling better. At least for me. I hope I can keep this forever this time.

Welcome ad good luck. Sounds good to go see a friend for the week, where there will be no drinking, but good companionship and a change of scenery from where you do your drinking.

And agreed, a good check up is a good idea. It helped me change alot of things, and though I had recently slipped, my health is my biggest motivator for sobriety. It was *my* wake up call, as the rest of my life had not gone too far wrong yet.

rochele

Orbea

Joelly, we are very similar. I was a 2 bottle wine drinker. I would either go to bed with a pounding heart or wake up with one. I'd drink, go to bed at 10 and wake up anywhere Bw 1:30-3:30 and had to work in the public sector the following morning at 7:30. I'd leave my house wondering if I was drunk or just hungover. Living like that is challenging. Deadly. Today begins my day 9. I am sleeping so much better. My anxiety still lingers, but I think a change in diet and adding exercise will do wonders for me. One day at a time, right?

jocata

Hello Joelly. I can really relate to your post. One is too many and 15 is not enough. Feeling like I could just die the next morning.

Stick around, you will find so much support and caring here. It will get easier. Just don't give up!

God bless.

Skyburst

Welcome Joelly Personally can't stand wine, makes me sick (ironic). Vodka is my binge trap. Just finished day 8 sober (not the first time) and feeling much better and sleeping great and bouncing out of bed even before sunrise. Love the early mornings! But sure as hell last evening there he was...my little personal Loki demon taunting me to just go a little way down that trail, what could it hurt?

Well I didn't and I won't. I am just wired different from other folks, like my wife for instance. If I start with just one drink I know I will find myself on the other side of six weeks or so back at the bottom wondering what the number of that truck was. I have no brakes. When I fall off the wagon it will drag me down the road at least a couple of miles. This is a fact.

Welcome to the group, you've come to a good place. Everybody here knows exactly what you are dealing with. You can't shock anyone here. Hang in there, you will do it Never give up, never surrender!

ProudPops41

Joelly,

I started out a binge drinker too and it only got worse and worse as the years went on and I got older. My blood pressure was too high as well and after 29 days sober, it's clear that my body has done quite a bit of healing. I see the doctor in about a month to see if there is any lasting damage I did...

Long story short, if the thought enters your mind that you are hurting yourself and that you are out of control, you probably are. Alcoholism is an evil disease. It will tell you that next time you can control it and that your health really isn't getting worse....

Good luck on taking it one day at a time. You will find support here.

joelly

Thank you so much for all of your replies. I feel so encouraged, part of me was wondering if I was blowing it out of proportion but the pounding heart scares me, and the feeling like **** a couple of days a week, I value my health so much more now that I have two little people depending on me. So encouraging to hear the similar stories, especially the waking in the middle of the night.
Thank you, good to know you're here and I hope I can be here for you too, I feel unable to give advice as I don't understand it but listening and sympathy I can do

ProudPops41

By the way Joelly... what you're experiencing is more severe anxiety upon withdrawl. When you drink (a depressant), your body compensates by releasing "uppers". When you drink a lot, or drink heavily on and off, your body has a really hard time stopping the "upper" release and you end up with racing heart, anxiety, high blood pressure, etc. More extreme withdrawl symptoms, as I understand them, can be deadly. So, just take that as another sign that it is time for you to stay healthy and sober!

2granddaughters

Is there an AA meeting in your town?

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

joelly

Yes there are AA meetings in my town, to be honest I'm a bit nervous at the prospect of going. Also, I honestly don't know when I'd find the time. I am either at work or with the children, I'm not moaning about that I actually quite like me home/work balance but when I'd fit in regular meetings I don't know. My mum is also my main babysitting option and I'm too ashamed to talk to her about my situation, I think she'd be supportive but I don't want to worry her, I'm normally the strong one. I spoke to my partner last night about everything and he agreed I drink too much but thintks I should just be able to limit it,...... I don't think I can. Still feel awful today, another thing my hangovers now seem to last 2 days thanks again for all of your support, amazing to read that alot of you were/are just like me.