cuyootoo

I know this has come up before, but lately I have just been feeling like things aren't really that much better sober than when I was drinking. I think that I was a lot happier while I was drinking. Alcohol really got it's hooks into me now. I am having trouble finding real joy in anything after just over 2 months of sobriety.

I am thinking, well I tried sobriety and it didn't work because I feel just as miserable sober as I did when I was drinking. I know that I haven't really given myself enough time to get my life back on track. The task just seems insurmountable sometimes. I read about how people have gotten everything back that they lost and how good things are going, and I just feel like I have messed my life up too much to ever make things better.

This alcoholism is just a terrible thing to struggle with. Mostly venting here, I know things won't be better drinking, but I just need some kind of relief from this miserable feeling of hopelessness. Alcohol was my only thing keeping me looking forward to another day, and now that alcohol is gone I just don't have anything to look forward to.

I know this just sounds crazy, but it's like alcohol was the only thing that really gave me a sense of control over my life.

Dee74

It took me a long time to feel joy again cuyootoo...I was certainly better off being sober, and I was happier, I had far less worries - but I had no joy.

I think some of us dug deeper holes than others - maybe it takes longer to climb out?

I've said before than getting sober didn't make my life any better, but it gave me the best chance of making my life better.

Not drinking was only the first step for me - I then had to look at all the stuff I drank *for* over the years - I had a lot of unresolved issues, a lot of things I had faced for years.

It was dealing with those that laid the groundwork for me finally being happy, I think, not the actual act of becoming sober.

And dealing with all that takes time...and effort...and patience

stay with it cuyootoo

D

Ghostly

Unfortunately I can relate to what you are saying cuyootoo. I think what Dee wrote sums up a better response than I can.

There was a time I felt like the act of being sober cured all my problems and everything I wanted was within grasp. That kinda faded. I realized I just had to learn to deal with things without the crutch of alcohol.

Hang in there. Two months is great, but as you wrote, still early. I hope things get better for you.

suki44883

The best way to tackle a large problem is to break it down into small, manageable ones. What about your life makes you miserable? Take a pencil and and piece of paper and write down each thing that is making you unhappy. Then, take one step at a time to alleviate those issues.

Just quitting drinking doesn't change the rest of our lives. It just gives us the opportunity to face our challenges with a clear head. You can do this. We're all on your side and we're here to support you.

instant

There is a need to change the way we look at things. I started to focus on the things outside of myself that gave me pleasure and did not involve people... things like light, shadows, nature and the moon. It really does help to train at least part of me to know I am insignificant, and things ebb and flow.

Today I have discovered a roof leak and will need an electrician to come in , more expense.......................but no dummy spit, and no urge to drink.

Overall a dramatic change from developing a practice of gratitiude

kiki5711

It's been over a year and half since my rehab and I'm still adjusting to life without alcohol. It takes time, sometimes, a lot of time, but some of us were so use to having alcohol as a part of our lives it was as necessary as food in order to function.

If you keep on being sober, you will start to notice how you'll start seeing life with a different perspective and it will feel quite normal and good.

CaiHong

Cuyootoo,

Agree with the above. I am 6 and half months sober and I can say for sure it does get better and it is worth hanging in there and find out for yourself that it does.

What besides not drinking are you doing?

All the best
CaiHong

sugarbear1

at 2 months, your brain is still adjusting. alcohol is The Great Deceiver...

give time time; you didn't drink for only 2 months.

blueski

thanks for this thread ~
I am struggling with the same thing - feeling no joy - or more specifically like everyone else is having way way way more fun than I am. I usually work at a ski resort in the winter and its a huge party scene, I am heading to rehab in the morning and I get all the phone calls about everyone having so much fun.

I HATE THIS RIGHT NOW! people keep telling me that I will have fun again, more fun in fact but it is hard to believe that right now

mwstylee

I also had the same question for you. I think that we all really want to feel like we have a purpose, and before, that purpose was drinking. I'm about 21 days sober and felt the same at first. I can't believe I even asked a question here about what sober people do with their time. I've been getting back into my old hobbies and doing new things that makes sobriety feel a hell of a lot better than 24/7 drunkeness.

Even simple things like teaching myself how to climb up on my roof to replace a few shingles, diy-remodeling my kitchen, forcing myself to do at least an hour of exercise every day after work, etc. It just gives a person a real purpose and really, really makes you feel alive!

Mark75

Hey blueski!!

Yea, I remember my first winter sober... My best friend and I went up to Maine (usually it's a VT and a western trip (with many people), nixed the later trip all together that year...) The brew pub at Sugarbush was calling my name, plus that was my favorite brand.

Now, all that stuff doesn't really bother me too much, in fact, rarely. Since getting sober I have gone on a several ski trips, with all sorts of people, college students, older men like me... some drink, some drink hard, I drink Fresca and tea and I have just as much fun as they do... I am absolutely serious, I am not BSing... I have the same amount of fun as the drinkers.

To the OP also, look... you gotta give time some time, yea it sucks at first. And, more importantly, get in with some kind of recovery program with other people you can F2F with... I use AA.

Anna

I knew when I stopped drinking, that there was very little in my life that made me happy. What I found was, that looking outside of myself for happiness wasn't working. I needed to look inward and find the peace and joy that I had been seeking. And, it was there. I needed to reconnect with my spiritual side. "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle is a great guide to living in the moment and to finding inner peace.

lillyknitting

If it's that much fun why do they need to drink to enjoy it, or get out their heads on booze an drugs. It's all an illusion, there's not that many parties that would go on if it wasn't for the alcohol involved. I've felt like that all weekend feeling like things didn't go my way, not a bad weekend as such, just things not going to plan and was thinking of taking a drink. that old voice in the head "yea, just a couple of drinks just to feel a bit better, liven things up, lol" but I didn't drink and am so glad! Coz who knows what I would have been left with!!! Hang on in there, it will be so well worth it in the end, please don't take that drink.

Ranger

Cuyootoo - Congratulations on two months. That is no small feat!

Your above post and your inaugral entry at SR (which I just read) are virtually interchangeable.

Do you feel you have the medical side of the equation in order? If not, have you considered new ideas to incorporate into your everyday life that will help produce a sense of purpose and (therefore) joy?

Purpose

Spawn

Just an observation.......why haven't you gotten alcohol out of your life?

Recovery starts when you get rid of the old ways and replace them with new.

Recovery has many gifts but you have to get involved. :day6

SparklingSeven

I went back on it SO many times after a couple of months for this reason. It does get better, just maybe not as quickly as we would like it too.

You are doing good and the fact that you are posting about it shows that.

Keep up the good work!

Stu.

wpainterw

Perhaps it might help if you seek the companionship of other recovering alcoholics if you have not already done so. Loneliness and depression are common in this early recovery period and it is particularly a problem during the holidays. Drinking would make it much worse. With time it will get much much better. Drinking would never make it easier to deal with your problems, only much harder. Hang in there. Time is on your side. Don't listen to those inner voices which try to get you to slip back.

W.

munchkin05

I have to admit, I kind of feel the same here as you cuyotoo.
Last night was date night for hubby and I. I ordered a "sparkling water" at which point the waitress at first was like "a wha?"
I thought to myself, "wow, it would've been so much easier to just order a wine" but I still ended up drinking my Pellegrino. At the tables all around me people were laughing, drinking wine, drinking martinis and while dinner was nice it felt like I was missing out on all the laughing.
In the past the only time I really laughed was when I had something to drink. Even if I go back before I drank. I didn't really laugh a whole lot.
The good news is though I'm sober now (6 days), I'm going to see a therapist on Tuesday which will start a recovery process that is well overdue.

Maybe you should think of talking to a therapist? Maybe there are, like me, other issues you need to work on in order to get happiness back in your life?

1983ritag

I completely understand how you are feeling. I started getting depressed about month 2 and for me it seemed to just worsen. I had been dealing with a lot of new changes in my life and that certainly didn't help. I have always been against taking antidepressants but for me, I think that's what was needed. My depression and unhappiness was starting to affect my life and I couldn't handle it anymore. I tried to ride it out but I am glad I went in Started on them about month 4 and I am feeling a little better now nearing 6 months. When I started contemplating drinking just to make myself happy again, it scared me because I knew that was just the alcohol playing tricks on my mind. I really hope that things start looking up for you soon. Just remember everything is better without alcohol.

Threshold

This post comes at a very timely point for me, because this week my boyfriend relapsed. He tells me that life sober isn't all that great and now at least he has something to look forward to,,

Judging from the fact that he chats me nightly with hours of tedious "my life is shyte, I should't be alive, I'm worm food" it would seem that his life WAS better just having booze out of it.

Three weeks ago, he wasn't the happiest camper in the tent, but he had a life. I gave him a ride home from work the other night and he asked me "how could it have gotten this bad this fast?" I told him it's a progressive disease. (use the word disorder, syndrome etc, whatever works for you)

Getting sober, staying sober does not automatically mean elves are going to come into your life to do your work for you and entertain you. Sorry, unless you happen to be one of those few lucky drunks who sit by a pool all day while someone else pays for and delicvers your booze...you are going to have to go out and get what makes you happy, same as you had to get off your duff to get your hands on booze.

If life wasted was better, truly better. It's only a bottle away. I can't stop you from picking up again, any more than I could stop him. I can't give YOU a reason to sober up, or stay sober.

What I can say, by personal experience (I've relapsed in the past) and by watching the man I love tank, is that drunk there is no hope for improvement, sober, you have a chance at happiness should you take advantage of it.

I know miserable people who NEVER had a booze or drug problem, living clean isn't a guarantee of anything, but it's a chance for everything.

If any of your friends, or even you have a video of you drunk, watch it and see if you want to go back there.