sober without joy
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Threshold! I love that line you wrote!
"Getting sober, staying sober does not automatically mean elves are going to come into your life to do your work for you and entertain you.
If one was boring drinking one will be boring sober. I hope your BF gets his collective spit together.
CUYOOTOO,
The advice you have gotten here is golden. I think we need to accept what we are and relax, or go make the changes to be who we want to be. Most do something in the middle.
When I quit drinking and chain smoking I had a lot of money to go into other things. With clear eyes I realized the the fun of things, was not having them, but the anticipation. It takes 30 days for a new toy to fade into the background noise of a life. Ever notice how that scary fast new car sure slows down in a month or two? So I looked around and found that I had owned and done pretty much everything in my life once already.
I am not depressed, I am making small steps and am happy and have more than my share of joy.
To me the choice is easy.
Bored and drink to mask it and wake up sick and tired.
Bored and sober with all possibilities open, or not, but not sick and tired every morning.
Want excitement? Use some of that money you are saving to go do something. Just because you are sober does not mean you are made of glass and can't ever relax.:rotfxko
"Getting sober, staying sober does not automatically mean elves are going to come into your life to do your work for you and entertain you.
If one was boring drinking one will be boring sober. I hope your BF gets his collective spit together.
CUYOOTOO,
The advice you have gotten here is golden. I think we need to accept what we are and relax, or go make the changes to be who we want to be. Most do something in the middle.
When I quit drinking and chain smoking I had a lot of money to go into other things. With clear eyes I realized the the fun of things, was not having them, but the anticipation. It takes 30 days for a new toy to fade into the background noise of a life. Ever notice how that scary fast new car sure slows down in a month or two? So I looked around and found that I had owned and done pretty much everything in my life once already.
I am not depressed, I am making small steps and am happy and have more than my share of joy.
To me the choice is easy.
Bored and drink to mask it and wake up sick and tired.
Bored and sober with all possibilities open, or not, but not sick and tired every morning.
Want excitement? Use some of that money you are saving to go do something. Just because you are sober does not mean you are made of glass and can't ever relax.:rotfxko
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Thanks for the thread, cuyootoo - I had the same feelings you do (at about the same time in sobriety) and it seems like it's a real issue for all of us at some point.
When we compare "real life" to those first couple of hours of drinking, things just aren't going to measure up. Who wouldn't prefer la-la land to the drudgery of day-to-day life? We tend to forget how hard life was when we were drinking, too.
I had to rethink my definition of happiness when I got sober...... I was used to pursuing that "good feeling" - it kept me entertained and motivated. At the same time, it was just a feeling for feeling's sake and was totally self-centered. It cut me off from everything else.
If I was going to stay sober, I had to reevaluate what happiness was all about. I came to the conclusion that it's not about how good I feel at the moment, but rather being the best person I can be, loving and being loved, and maybe contributing something good to the world.
Life IS hard. We don't like being bored and miserable. (It took me 4 months of sobriety to get some energy/motivation back and probably 6-8 months to start being truly involved in things that interested me). While I don't get the same "feeling" I did from booze, I'm learning day by day to find purpose and meaning again. I AM a better person today, and that's something alcohol could never give me. Please hang in there and get creative about finding solutions - one day at a time!
When we compare "real life" to those first couple of hours of drinking, things just aren't going to measure up. Who wouldn't prefer la-la land to the drudgery of day-to-day life? We tend to forget how hard life was when we were drinking, too.
I had to rethink my definition of happiness when I got sober...... I was used to pursuing that "good feeling" - it kept me entertained and motivated. At the same time, it was just a feeling for feeling's sake and was totally self-centered. It cut me off from everything else.
If I was going to stay sober, I had to reevaluate what happiness was all about. I came to the conclusion that it's not about how good I feel at the moment, but rather being the best person I can be, loving and being loved, and maybe contributing something good to the world.
Life IS hard. We don't like being bored and miserable. (It took me 4 months of sobriety to get some energy/motivation back and probably 6-8 months to start being truly involved in things that interested me). While I don't get the same "feeling" I did from booze, I'm learning day by day to find purpose and meaning again. I AM a better person today, and that's something alcohol could never give me. Please hang in there and get creative about finding solutions - one day at a time!
Don't let yourself be fooled by the disease.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
Being sober seemed to take so much effort in the beginning. My crash point was typically at two points.
Are you involved in some program of recovery, or have some support? As someone said in a recent thread... it can help to focus on living life positively in sobriety, rather than focusing/thinking all the time about how 'I can't drink, damnit'. I know that's easy enough to say, hard in practice during the first few months. I'm not a real AA'er, but if you look at the steps, only the first is really about alcohol... the rest are about rebuilding ourselves.
It does get better, though the first year is typically up and down (this time of year doesn't help either). There is the possibility that maybe you used alcohol to mask underlying depression, in which case it may be best to see a doctor about a diagnosis/treatment. This is what I recommend to people who find their depression doesn't lift after a few months sobriety, despite being in a program and involved in recovery efforts.
I know just what you are saying, exactly how I felt, but in the end it's an illusion (albeit a strong one). It took me a great deal of time to realize that the opposite was happening in my life.
Are you involved in some program of recovery, or have some support? As someone said in a recent thread... it can help to focus on living life positively in sobriety, rather than focusing/thinking all the time about how 'I can't drink, damnit'. I know that's easy enough to say, hard in practice during the first few months. I'm not a real AA'er, but if you look at the steps, only the first is really about alcohol... the rest are about rebuilding ourselves.
It does get better, though the first year is typically up and down (this time of year doesn't help either). There is the possibility that maybe you used alcohol to mask underlying depression, in which case it may be best to see a doctor about a diagnosis/treatment. This is what I recommend to people who find their depression doesn't lift after a few months sobriety, despite being in a program and involved in recovery efforts.
Originally Posted by Cuyootoo
I know this just sounds crazy, but it's like alcohol was the only thing that really gave me a sense of control over my life.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
I am 31 days sober and feeling exactly like you. When I had pills I always felt like I had something to look forward too, and now that I am sober I seem to forget about all the bad feelings that came along with using. I only remember that when I get off work I don't have anything to pass my time by, or something real to look forward too. I can now actually go do things and make plans, not just laying around high..I hear what you are saying, all we can do is keep living day to day hoping these feelings go away. I know we have to trust what others say, and anything has to be better than all the negative feelings that come along with using.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: dover new hampshire
Posts: 11
i guess that is all we can do, I dont think they would lie to us,,, pretty hard to believe at the point I am at I could possible see sobriety as "fun"!
At least we are saving money!! that is fun!
At least we are saving money!! that is fun!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,247
Wow.. Cuyootoo..I am new to this myself, having joined last month. I hope to make it 2 months at some point. First let me say that 2 months is impressive. Congratulations!
I do not kow what I will feel like at two months, but I am glad you posted. I cannot add anything to what has alread been expressed above except to say you have a received a great deal of responses and support. Good luck. I truly believe it will get better for you the longer you keep away from alcohol. ( If I didn't believe that I would not be here myself). Best wishes.
Jim
I do not kow what I will feel like at two months, but I am glad you posted. I cannot add anything to what has alread been expressed above except to say you have a received a great deal of responses and support. Good luck. I truly believe it will get better for you the longer you keep away from alcohol. ( If I didn't believe that I would not be here myself). Best wishes.
Jim
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 163
I feel intellectually and emotionally paralyzed. I have lost relationships that time can't replace. This loss has changed me, it's left a terrible scar on my psyche. That people I once cared deeply about could turn on me so permanently whether I was drunk or sober is making it so difficult to stay sober. How do I find purpose when everything is lost and nothing matters anymore?
It's good advice to get out there and rejoin the world, but I am so injured I just am loosing my desire to even be part of this world anymore.
It's good advice to get out there and rejoin the world, but I am so injured I just am loosing my desire to even be part of this world anymore.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Brea, CA
Posts: 13
I had sort of the same issue, everything I did was more fun when I drank. But there was so much that I [I]couldnt[I] do when I drank. Now I am waking up early, making breakfast, cleaning my house (which I love to do - weird I know) and having lunch with friends. The nights are the hardest since I was a night drinker the moment it got dark. Instead I read a book or get into a good movie. You just have to find new things that bring you joy, some you never knew that you liked! Find a hobby and immerse yourself in it, it will give you purpose!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
Self medicating depression with alcohol? What a great idea! Oh yeah, it doesn't work. Never mind.
I only learned that lesson a few thousand times. At least the days will get longer like they always do and I don't have a hangover.
I only learned that lesson a few thousand times. At least the days will get longer like they always do and I don't have a hangover.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Cuyootoo - I remember feeling just that way. That's why I gave in and picked back up many times over the years - but that way of thinking led me to a terrible and dangerous place as an older person.
As Dee pointed out, alot depends on how big a hole we have dug. What stage our drinking has reached. When I made the decision to quit, I was much more damaged than some of you. The fun & happiness it once was for me had turned into a living hell. So when I decided to kick it out of my life, I was on the brink of total destruction - and very relieved to find myself still alive and able to recover. All the other times I tried to quit I felt just like you - and because there wasn't much damage done (yet) I allowed myself another chance to "moderate". It always failed, and was a disastrous decision that almost cost me my life.
The responses here are amazing. I'm very glad you raised this question, cuyootoo. I hope you will begin to come out into the sunshine once again. We all care.
As Dee pointed out, alot depends on how big a hole we have dug. What stage our drinking has reached. When I made the decision to quit, I was much more damaged than some of you. The fun & happiness it once was for me had turned into a living hell. So when I decided to kick it out of my life, I was on the brink of total destruction - and very relieved to find myself still alive and able to recover. All the other times I tried to quit I felt just like you - and because there wasn't much damage done (yet) I allowed myself another chance to "moderate". It always failed, and was a disastrous decision that almost cost me my life.
The responses here are amazing. I'm very glad you raised this question, cuyootoo. I hope you will begin to come out into the sunshine once again. We all care.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by suki44883 
Just quitting drinking doesn't change the rest of our lives. It just gives us the opportunity to face our challenges with a clear head.
Cuyootoo, I can relate in that sometimes my life feels meaningless and I start to think, at least I used to have alcohol...
But my problems came from not FACING my problems/myself, so I know that not drinking is only the first step. I've noticed I'm happier in sobriety when I take action instead of just thinking about things so much.
Best wishes.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
cuyootoo,
I don't know what you do for face to face support if anything, but you need to get a grip on your own value. If you built those before, sober, you can build them again, sober.
Alcohol provides us an avenue to run away from all of our problems . . . except the results of using alcohol. <sigh>
We CAN do this thing right called life, we have given ourselves that second chance that many wish for, and don't recognize it when it arrives. In our case, we made that second chance happen. Now all we have to do is use it. For me easier said than done, but I am working on it too.
I don't know what you do for face to face support if anything, but you need to get a grip on your own value. If you built those before, sober, you can build them again, sober.
Alcohol provides us an avenue to run away from all of our problems . . . except the results of using alcohol. <sigh>
We CAN do this thing right called life, we have given ourselves that second chance that many wish for, and don't recognize it when it arrives. In our case, we made that second chance happen. Now all we have to do is use it. For me easier said than done, but I am working on it too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Look Cuytootoo,
To be honest AA is not only keeping me sober but making me "happy". I have accepted a higher power and the magic is working for me.
I could list a hundred things I could do to fill in my time, productive stuff but if I am feeling miserable I just can't do anything. This is where AA and this forum have got me out of that pit that I dug myself into and I am able now to enjoy doing things.
I woke up this morning and thought should I watched a mindlesss cop show or to listen to XA speakers, (thanks sugarbear ), I chose the later and feeling inspired got up to face the day with absolute joy.
I need to be aware throughout the day and work my program. Find your program and work it as if your life depends on it because it does.
You can recover and enjoy life it is possible.
Merry Christmas
CaiHong
To be honest AA is not only keeping me sober but making me "happy". I have accepted a higher power and the magic is working for me.
I could list a hundred things I could do to fill in my time, productive stuff but if I am feeling miserable I just can't do anything. This is where AA and this forum have got me out of that pit that I dug myself into and I am able now to enjoy doing things.
I woke up this morning and thought should I watched a mindlesss cop show or to listen to XA speakers, (thanks sugarbear ), I chose the later and feeling inspired got up to face the day with absolute joy.
I need to be aware throughout the day and work my program. Find your program and work it as if your life depends on it because it does.
You can recover and enjoy life it is possible.
Merry Christmas
CaiHong
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