Dominica2

My anxiety is through the roof, I am angry at everything/everyone and all I can think about is when I can get off of work and walk to the bar. SERIOUSLY STRESSING. Its like I am not able to function today. The only thing on my mind is beer and getting away from home. Sorry for being honest but thats how I feel. My significant other has been pissing me off, its the same repetitive thing everyday,home, cook, clean, more cleaning, sitting watching tv. Its mundane. Sometimes I think stress was better handled by drinking a few, not having to deal with the **** sober...ITS WORSE SOBER! At least I can black out and forget. Everything annoys me. Everyone says life is so much better without it. When am I going to see results? Seriously, I don't think I can do this. I just dont. Sorry for my negativity right now, but I really just want to scream. Sorry, thats just how I feel. I dont want to be drunk. I dont want to be sober. I dont know what I want. I just want to be happy, and I guess either way, that isnt happening. Thanks for letting me vent.

Programmer27

Honestly, whether I'm happy... sad... bored... in a state of panic, or even just having fun, I always want to drink. You made the decision to stop, do yourself a favor, and keep your word to yourself.

I feel like if I drink, while I may let others down, I'm going to let myself down the most.

I know it's hard and sobriety sucks sometimes, but it's never going to suck as bad as the possible consequences of alcoholism.

Try to hang in there, I'm new to this too.

lovinit41

Hope your ok Dom and hope you decide to stick with this. Maybes go and have a good meal, I sometimes find when im full I crave less. Thinking of you hun xx

least

Stress was a big trigger for me too, drove me back to the bottle again and again until I hated myself so bad I wanted to die.

Don't drink, you know it won't make anything better. And what good is blacking out if you'll just come to and maybe something awful will have happened during the blackout?

I'm no stranger to stress. My old dog is dying but I will not drink over it. I will not.

I hope you don't give in.

Dominica2

I really am trying to calm it down, I just feel like I am at the point that I dont care anymore, not that I want to feel like this, but I do. I will go running, or something.

Tigger41

Yes, life can be mundane. Yes my SO pisses me off sometimes as well. You can make life less mundane and you can choose to not let her/him bug you. It's the addition speaking - just don't listen -

Really I have 4 kids (10, 10, 6 and 4 years old). My day is wake up walk the dog, make lunches, work, cook, clean, homework, clean, stop the fighting, clean, watch some tv and go to bed.

I can say for the past few days going through that sober has been better than the constant thinking about when I can get the next drink.

Life is sometimes mundane, sometimes sad, sometimes out of this world fantastic. I believe you can tell better which one of these it is while sober.

Stay sober - stop listening to the addition.

Impurrfect

(((Dominica))) - the initial period when we just KNOW that drinking/using will "make it all feel better" is tough...no doubt. I had to remind myself, if it was so darned good, why did I keep wanting to quit?

Most of us didn't get to SR because our lives were wonderful, drinking/using was great. For me? I've had enough bad consequences that I just really, really don't want to cause any more.

I think a run sounds like a good idea. I won't deny..it's hard at first, but it really does get better. I'm stressed as can be, with school work. However, I've been through this before, and I never turned back to using. Each time I get past one more stressful/anxious time and don't use? It builds my self esteem, and the thoughts of "just one more hit" haven't come up in a long, long time.

BTW, I don't think you need to apologize for telling how you feel...that's what we're here for...working through stuff with people who understand.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Dee74

Hi Dom

it's not easy - if it was none of us would be here - we wouldn't need SR.

I used drink for everything - when I was happy, sad, bored, angry, sick - when I took alcohol out of my life you can bet I was a lost soul for a while too...I was angry and petulant.

I didn't want to feel uncomfortable or sad or angry - I'd convinced myself those things were scary and bad and things I couldn't ever handle without a drink...

But I knew deep down what alcohol did to me - and you know too. Don't start believing the lie it's 'worth it' - what is worth it is living sober and living free of addiction.

But it does take time, and it does take effort, to learn a new way to live.

That's where support comes in - whats your support network like outside SR, Dom?

Trust me and believe me - it does get better - see this through and ultimately you'll think this is the best thing you ever did

D

Dominica2

AA, although I am not actively participating between having to do everything at home for the husband and child, by the time I sit down its 9:00. I really dont have time for meetings. I barely have time for a bubble bath, if I want one. I dont have time toi think, and when I sit down, after doin everything, I want a drink. I just wish I could do it moderately. Thanks.

cuyootoo

Before I relapse, sometimes I convince myself that I deserve a drink. It sounds like you are heading in that direction. I am convinced, that if I relapse again I don't want to try to stop drinking for permanent again. It's just dumb to keep going back and forth all the time. I am trying to feel good sober, but in order for me to do that I have to change my present circumstances, and that is going to take some time.

Dee74

I really think we need to make time for our recovery Dom - if meetings aren't an option for you, find something that is.

If you're like me, Dom? you can't - ever....and the sooner you can accept that, the better it will be for you and your loved ones.

D

SSIL75

It really is.

I know when I quit I just didn't have a clue how to handle normal life. I really had the coping skills of an 8 year old. So I remember how you're feeling. Just frustrated and desperate.

So DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. Life is NOT boring. An alcoholics life minus the alcohol is boring. Of course it is. All we enjoy is drinking.

But normal, regular life is NOT boring. So go do something!!

aasharon90

Its not the word wine, beer, or the bottles
all pretty wrapped up, but rather what is
in them. The contents inside each thing
we hold to our mouths and swallowed that
which i see as, is nothing but poison.

Would we drink a glass or bottle of poison
if it had the word written on it? I wouldnt
because, what does poison do to us if we
drink it? Kill us.

Alcohol is a tempation. Decieving. Cunning,
baffling and powerful and affects each person
differently but does affect all in some way or
another.

Anytime alcohol or poison is injested into
our bodies we are under the influence of
a controlled substance affecting our minds,
behaviors, causing us to feel, think and act
differently than a normal person not under
the influence.

Learning, or being feed the right information
about addiction and how it affects us and
those around us helps us better understand
why some can drink with no problems as to
those who are alcoholic or drug addicts.

Once we become knowledgeable about
addiction and how it affects us then we
can use that knowledge and use the tools
and programs to help us stay sober or clean
to the best of our ability.

Anna

Dom, you're still in early recovery and it will take time for you to feel better. Please be patient and expect that there will be struggles. It's not an easy journey but you can do it.

If you find your life too mundane, then over time you can add activities to your life that would be fun. Recovery definitely does NOT have to be boring.

instant

Life is what it is. Wishing it were different causes pain.

For me the torment of the struggle was in many ways the worst aspect of drinking.

Gerbosko

When you stop being so negative. The people who've become better after quitting drinking have altered their life style and not stood in the same puddle that they've been drowning in for the past x years. You need to make changes, changes are hard to make and they require time and patient. There is no way that you can quit drinking, wave a magic wand in the air and you're total cured.

Why don't you go out and enjoy life? When you focus on the negative in your life of course you're going to go back to the poison that brought you to the point where you quit - Now you're doubting your decision because you want to have self-pity. Curing addictions is not easy - Go outside and walk, get some fresh air and start focusing on the positive side of life.

When you look down on yourself and cause drama, you're not only harming yourself but you are harming the people that are around you. Have you ever seen someone in a bad mood and then you yourself start getting grouchy? Don't be the one that starts the grouch fest - be the one that makes people laugh. Nothing in this world beats hearing someone else laughing because of something you said.. You need to turn your life around and start working on your attitude.

that's my $0.02

Itchy

Lots of good advice in this thread Dominica. You know it all too well. The reason you want to quit drinking is simple. No matter how far you run or where you run to, you always bring yourself with you. You can't run far enough with drinking. If you keep trying to do the same thing over and over that did not work over and over, you will get the same results over and over.

How did you get here? Were there people who made your meals, and did all the things you are finding too much? For you? What is not being said is that aside from re-examining your basic premises, you aren't working at being happy yet.

Did you gather all your roles and your SigOther drinking or before? If while drinking maybe you do need to change some of the main things and reverse some decisions you made earlier. Maybe they are good and you need to decide how you can be grateful for what you do have.

As to when are you going to see results, I would say you are seeing them in spades now. You may not like the results and sober you can change them. Drinking again leaves them anyway, right? Change is hard. Ahhh that is too hard, let's drink? Repeat and see how happy your life is.

Sorry I forgot, we are here because we already tried the drunken escape from life and found we cannot drink just a little.

As much as we all hate it, bemoan it, or deny it, we cannot have one drink and moderate.

Being an alcoholic or being addicted to alcohol or having a physical dependency whatever one chooses to call it is like being pregnant for us.

Ever hear of someone just a little preggers? Of course not! You are or you aren't it is all or nothing.

For problem drinkers it is the same, we can't just drink a little.

And like weight training, no pain, no gain.

Sobriety was the start of my second chance to live my life differently. No one could give it to me, I could only take it for myself. That was only the first step. Now I have to actually live that life I knew was possible. That takes as much effort, maybe more, as the first step took. But gives even more rewards at the end of a well spent day.

I won't drink again. My current peace was too hard won. It took me months to heal longer than it took you younger people.

I felt that way at one week too, and every day since.

tanja

Dom, why don't you reward yourself with a bubble bath? Or provide support to someone that is suffering that will help take your mind off yourself. Recommend you find soothing activities after a hard day's work. Life can be mundane or as I say "you can make it heaven or you can make it hell". If you pick up a drink than you are making it hell for yourself. It would seem you have many blessings. A daugher, youth, intelligence, courage, etc. Try to focus on your blessings and take it one day at a time.

alaskasunshine

I hear ya! I could NOT leave work and go home to a sober evening at home. I wasn't bored, or stressed or anything. I just didn't want to do it. So I decided to plan things after work. I do AA meetings, coffee with friends, shopping, anything. and you know what? It works. It really works.
((((hugs))))
I am pulling for you. I know its not easy.

soberred

There was a time that I wanted to stay drunk just so I didn't have to deal with my SO. I can assure you that your home life will be the same when you sober up. Stay sober