bayliss

Well...I didn't end up lying to my boyfriend about my drinking...but I guess after Friday night he was totally fed up and suggested I leave for a month or so to get my s**t together at my parents place.
This just plain sounded to me like he wanted a break...I freaked out and started crying and left to a friends house where...I drank to numb the feelings.
I came back home where my bf ignored me and didn't sleep in the same room as me.
He told me this morning that he doesn't want to go through this again and that I have to make a decision. Either drink or be with him.
He told me that if I'm not ready to just be honest and we would have a break until I had a handle on my alcoholism.
You're saying I have a "free pass" to get s**tfaced everyday....and what would make it worse was that fact that I didn't have him.

I hate drinking.
Of course I love the way it makes me feel after the first two...but then I just keep drinking to numb the guilt I feel for having those two.
I don't want to drink.
I want my relationship back...I love my bf more then anything. The anxiety I feel because of this is killing me.

Am I ready? I'm ready to get my life back together. I'm ready to have my boyfriend back...he didn't talk to me all week because of my drinking...
Do I want to quit? I don't know...I obviously like the feeling I get. Who doesn't...
But this is going to lead me to having nothing...I'll be alone...with only booze to comfort me and my life will just whiz by...it'll be a blur.

I got two books to read about alcoholism.
If I didn't want to quit I obviously wouldn't be reading them...and this was before my boyfriend told me the first time that it's either him or the booze.

Just wanted to vent.
Thanks.

SideStep

Boyfriends will come and go, but there is only one of you. Firstly, you need to do it for yourself.

Is the few hours of 'joy' you experience after those 2 drinks really worth the trouble it is causing the rest of your life?

Reading is a good idea, even try seeing a counselor to give you some perspective.

bayliss

Thanks SideStep.
I know boyfriends come and go. But I love him beyond anything. I think this is the guy I will spend forever with.
I have just begun seeing a counsellor, not sure how much she is helping. I am going to read as much as I can...and yes. I do think I am doing this for myself...if I don't...I won't have a life...and he won't be in my life.

I can't let booze screw up my life...because if I continue, that is exactly what it will do.

Fandy

i think your BF was very honest with you....your excessive drinking bothers him.

it's up to you to stop for yourself and your reason why. I don't think it's a free pass to deal with your issues sh1tfaced drunk unless you want to interpret it that way.

Anna

Bayliss, I'm going to be honest with you here. Towards the end of your post, you say "Do I want to quit?", "I don't know." If you want to quit drinking, you need to know that you want that more than anything else. There's no room for conflicted feelings.

I hope that you decide to stop drinking and live a sober life.

firestorm090

King Alcohol wants nothing more than your total enslavement.

With alcohol in the mix, boyfriends come and go, as well as jobs, homes, cars, health, our minds, bodies and souls. They come and go based on the whim of alcohol warping our minds and our priorities. Sure, you may love him today, but when the King speaks, alkies like us bow down and do the King's bidding, for we cannot forsake the King, can we not?

We cannot dethrone the King, so our best bet is to leave the country, so to speak and take our friends/family with us, figuratively speaking. We cannot serve two kings.

Maybe the actions of your boyfriend, although hurtful and tough to deal with, are coming from his love for you and his attempts to do anything he can to help you see just what the booze is doing to you? Maybe he's playing his last card, before tossing in his hand and calling it quits? Only you can determine the outcome here.

freshstart57

Anna has your number on this one, Bayliss. That's because she, like the rest of us who have those days behinds us, know the score.

Think about this right now. Even though you have a plan in your heart for your future with your boyfriend, you have no plan at all for your future with alcohol. Without a plan for your alcohol use, none of your other plans are worth a rat's patoot. They are completely and utterly irrelevant.

So, Bayliss, what is your plan for alcohol? You can make this plan right this instant. The rest will follow.

CarolD

No one likes to be dumped...but faceing the fact it really is over can give you
an opportunity to stay sober...hideing in the bottle is not in your best interest.

Obviously you are not staying sober while living with him.
This does not make the relationship healthy...he is tired of the deal... and made it plain by actions and words.


BTW....the man I thought was so fascinating and important to me as a drinker....no longer suited me as a sober woman..

I do hope your parents will allow you to come back...then you can focus on becomeing the best woman you can be..

ChaoticSunshine

Well, it looks like the alcohol is more important than him. Obviously, because you abusing it upsets him (especially when you both know it's unhealthy) and you continue to do it. In fact, I would say that alcohol is more important than most things in your life, because that's just how it seems to be with people like us.

You won't quit until you're ready to do it for yourself. Quitting for someone else can lead to resentment, and in my frank opinion, probably failure. If you can get healthy for yourself and he's still around, then great. If you get healthy for yourself and he bails, great. Bottom line is, YOU are HEALTHY and you made yourself a priority enough to improve your life.

If you need support we are here. No one understands an alcoholic like another alcoholic. Talking to people who have never had an addiction can be a frustrating experience. Use this site, and I hope you get things together.

Threshold

I learned the hard way that when it came to my addictions, and substance abuse, I thought I had choices far longer than I actually did. It had a hold on me. I thought I was "choosing" to use, but..when I decided to choose NOT to use, it didn't happen so easy.

It's sorta like a dandelion, pull up the green part on the surface, but that long tap root stays alive and keeps on growing farther deep down, and putting up more weeds on the surface.

I'd suggest you act before you feel you NEED to act, it may be later than you think.

Boleo

My experience as well. I thought I was choosing drinking when the simple truth was I had lost the power of choice when it came to drinking. I did not fully understand that until I was liberated from ALL thoughts of drinking and discovered that I was still not choosing to drink or not drink.

The dandelion had been removed root and branch. There was nothing left of it to choose between. That part of me that wanted to drink had lost its voice completely. It could not even begin to tempt me.

So how did I get to that point of total liberation? I struggled 100% and then I surrendered 100% Everything else came to me after that. I no longer had to chase, choose or decide on sobriety.

Opivotal

When you want to be sober more than you want to drink ...you will do anything to achieve that. You need to do this for you. Getting sober for your boyfriend will not work IMHO.

Your boyfriend is at the breaking point. What will it take ? I hope its not losing the person you "love beyond anything". The ball is in your court.

Try playing this tape through to the end...what do you see happening if you continue drinking? Alcohol clouds the mind and the decisions your making. I can see this now that I'm sober.



Best Wishes To You!

suki44883

Bayliss, take a tour of our Friends and Family forums. There you will see many people who have had to deal with addictions of loved ones. Maybe you'll get a glimpse of what your boyfriend has been dealing with and how there comes a time when they decide they have just had enough. Your BF is being honest with you and it's up to you whether you most want your alcohol or this relationship. There are no guarantees that your relationship will succeed if you stop drinking, but from the sound of it, if you don't stop, it certainly won't.

sugarbear1

Alcohol IS already ruining your life, but you don't seem to see it. Prayers to you! Sometimes it takes what it takes. Peace

Itchy

Alcohol provides us an avenue to run away from all of our problems . . . except the results of using alcohol. <sigh>

bayliss

Thanks everyone for your opinions.
I do want to quit...I have contemplated it before he even brought it up...I used to hide my books on alcoholism...I guess I am just pushing it and wanted to see how far I could go with it short of my bf breaking up with me. It was very dumb of me to do that. I had a hard time sleeping last night with a massive headache, feeling like such crap...
Why do I keep doing this to myself? It isn't helping with anything...it's just ruining everything. I guess I really have to learn to deal with my issues in other ways then drinking.

I just wish that I didn't get addicted.

bri2u2002

Hi,

I lost the 'love of my life' due to my addiction and substance abuse. It's been the most painful thing in the world. 'Check the experiration date-It's later than you think'-Pavement.

If you continue to try and save your relationship and drink thae realtionship is exactly what you will lose.

There is some 'self sabatage' thing with alcoholism IMO. Everything your trying to save will be gone if you don't get help.

Brian

Dee74

I lost the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with too - twice....thats how powerful this addiction is.

Focus on you Bayliss...if you want it like you say you do, focus on getting sober and staying that way - because if you don't everything you love and hold dear might be at risk anyway.

Prioritise - recovery.
You can sort out all the other stuff later

D

SOBARweasel

Reading will teach you about alcoholism, action will get you sober.

LaFemme

I used to love the way drinking made me feel...I had to change that mindset before sobriety would be attractive to me.

I wish you nothing but the best...hugs.