Missy7

I cannot begin to tell you how important SR has been to me. Heck, before April I wouldn't even check in with SR this morning. My whole reality would be different.

I'm not winning this battle, and I'm desperately tired of repeating myself, but here we are.

We are an alcoholic family. In my family, in fact, we don't have any of those self-righteous alcoholics because we know what we are up against. Not drinking isn't some simple choice...

Nothing is easy. Drinking isn't easy. Not drinking isn't easy. It doesn't really matter ultimately.

Sometimes I think if I didn't check SR I wouldn't feel bad. But I keep at it because I think maybe things will get better.

I've been looking for a meeting nearby today, but I probably can't motivate myself out of the house.

MycoolFitz

Well I hope you start thinking that it does make a difference and ultimately only you can motivate yourself. Nothing changes if nothing changes. My best to you.

sarah1414

Hi Missy, I'm glad you're still here. I tried not checking SR because I thought I wouldn't think so much about my drinking, but it didn't matter. Once you feel as though you have a problem with alcohol, drinking is never the same. That's a good thing though because our lives are so much better off without poisoning our bodies.

Best wishes to you in the days ahead.

Dee74

I really hope you will find that motivation to do something Missy.
Recovery is hard, it means changes - and sometimes especially in the early days it sucks.

But I've never regretted it - I got my life and my self back.

I'm from an alcoholic family too - I realised eventually, it's not my family I need to be concerned with, it's me

D

Terminally Unique

Have you tried the SR chat before?

bellakeller

If I was there, I would come pick you up and take you with me to a meeting or just to get out.... Sorry you're having it rough these days. Hope you can find some peace and soon.

Much love.

Missy7

I'm grieving the loss of my sister--hard. My other sister buried her ashes today.

we are a family with problems but we love each other. I just cannot find my way out right now. We lost our parents years ago, and we took this sister to them, but it's still so amazing. I haven't done anything right for weeks and I wish there was some clue how to get out of this.

ISPYSOBRIETY

In situations like this, I think the person approach to leaving alcohol behind is really most important. Because there are so many doing their own thing, drinking and not, and so on, maybe it's easier to just focus on your own self. Just you. Everyone has to do what they have to do, so, maybe making it an offering to lost loved ones, with no further analysis aside of it's something you would like to part ways with forever, and that you're going to do it, by making it an offering to them.

Others will drink, you will sip on ice water, or soda, or juice of some sort instead. That will give you the manual comfort of the liquid, the oral comfort of sipping and the rest is just a matter of choice, that you choose to live your life this way.

Good luck and never stop trying. I never thought I would go without drinking until I wrecked my car (rolled it) with my kids in it with me. They were unharmed, not a scratch. I offered it up to God in thanks for sparing their lives, as well as mine. I didn't quit drinking, I quit alcohol. It took almost losing the most important two people in my life, my daughter and my son.

A year ago on the 14th of this month, I rolled that car into the bushes on a dark country road, and could have had to come to consciousness to see my children pinned, or mangled and not be able to undo a damned thing but look at what drinking did.

I made a decision. I will never drink that garbage again as long as I live.

Don't give up. People do this every single day, so it can be done.

Dee74

Are you doing any kind of grief counselling Missy?
D

SSIL75

It's hard to make the final 'leap' into recovery. I can relate to where I think you are. I remember it well.

I'm sorry for your loss

EmeraldRose

You can't change your family regardless of its quirks...but you can change you. One day at a time. Someone needs to make a change...someone needs to take the initiative.
I'm sorry your family is grieving your sister but I'm sure she'd want you to be stronger and progress in your sobriety and life.
I got my 6 month chip tonight...not bragging - just saying...it can be done. If anyone thought it couldn't be done and life would ultimately be lived in a bottle -it was me. Everyone is fighting a battle, challenging a crisis. Change has to come from within...not surrounding circumstances.
Wishing you peace and strength.

doggonecarl

Missy, you are a literature person, right? So I have a quote for you, from D. H. Lawrence's "The White Peacock."

Some people, instead of bringing with them clouds of glory, trail clouds of sorrow; they are born with "the gift of sorrow "; "sorrows "they proclaim "alone are real. The veiled grey angels of sorrow work out slowly the beautiful shapes. Sorrow is beauty, and the supreme blessedness." You read it in their eyes, and in the tones of their voices. Emily had the gift of sorrow. It fascinated me, but it drove me to rebellion.

When I first read this, about a month ago, I immediately thought of my last few years of drinking and how despair had become my companion. I was dragging a black, alcoholic cloud of sorrow around after my mom died. I was blessed to find the strength to get better. I hope you do the same.

Mark75

Quit fighting the battle. Step aside, let a higher power... which can be anything from a diety in flowing robes to the unseen, misunderstood and impossible to put into words life force...whatever... let that power into your life.

Quit trying to "win". Just... accept.

It's scary, but maybe you'll come to a better place than you are now. Trying to run the show, make it all happen as you would have it, is too much effort and trouble, and it's not working...

Prayers to you and your family.

WritingFromLife

I believe the irony to all of this is you "win" when you stop all the resistance.

Hugs to you, Missy. I am so sorry for your loss.