soberjohndoe

Okay, so I haven't been posting on this site that much recently because I started drinking again. I've sworn it off for good again, but it just seems that no matter what I always seem to go back to it. I now go months without drinking and then one weekend I will just go crazy and pick up a bottle of bourbon and black out for a day or two. This weekend was one of those weekends and I am back doing the sobriety thing and reexamining my life. I am no longer sad about staying sober, I have accepted my circumstances for what they are. I am a drunk. Only drinking once a month is irrelevant when you try and make up for lost time when you black out for 3 days straight and wake up to feel nothing but guilt and self loathing. That was my rant, thanks for staying with me thus far, now i need some advice. I can stay sober for a month or so at a time. It seems to get easier as time goes on, but i just can't seem to stay sober. How do you fine people maintain your sobriety for months or even years. I have embraced the whole notion of one day at a time and that works for about a month. How do you keep from thinking that you have somehow gotten better and can drink again. It is if i seem to forget about my problem and how bad things had gotten in the past.

amy55

I don't know John, for me I thinks that it is more my emotional state. I did months at a time, I did 2 1/2 years, it's my emotional state. This is something that I am trying to work on. I do tend to think that drinking is a solution to a problem, so what I need to do, is try to think of a solution to the problem, that doesn't involve drinking.

MycoolFitz

I know for me the longer I stay sober, work recovery, feel better and see things improving and all that, the more diligent I become. I have had those "now I've got it" thoughts after 1 or 3 or 6 months sober. I kind of check myself out quite often (as if I had a fatal disease in remission). I want a lot of things in recovery, complaceny is not one of them. I'll never say this is it, I'm never relapsing again, I've learned my lesson. I do now in this moment I'm not relapsing--next moment, who knows? Maybe I've finally learned humility?

SSIL75

rational recovery's AVRT helped me to identify and dismiss that alcoholic voice that suggests totally stupid things like going on 3 day benders.

I also reframed "I can never drink again " as "never again do I have to worry about alcohol".

RELIEF!!

Soberpotamus

I've been sober for over 1 month now and I use AVRT, as SSIL75 mentioned above. Once you've decided you have an addiction to alcohol, you can then decide to commit to a lifetime of abstinence. The AVRT Matrix is the best tool I've ever seen to make this work. Some do it spontaneously on their own (I was doing it briefly this way, then I was introduced to AVRT... which only formalized what I was doing anyway, and solidified it for me).

Then there's the AA route of "one day at a time"... and this just didn't make sense to me. I don't want to live that way and chose not to.

Peace came for me once I realized I had all the power within me to stop, and do so abruptly... it worked like a charm. I have had very few urges since, and I always trump them with AVRT or my own special hybrid of that.

nandm

When I finally accepted that alcohol had beat me and once I took that first drink I became powerless over it and that when I drank my life became a mess, was I able to finally beat this disease for any length of time.

I can be quite bullheaded and was not used to many things getting the better of me and because of that it took me more than several tries before I accepted the above as facts in my life. That there are just some things that are bigger and stronger than I.

It was upon that basic premise that I was able to find any length of sobriety, 10 years now for me. I also found I needed a program of recovery to teach me how to live life without alcohol as I had no clue how to do that and not be miserable and constantly think and obsess about that next drink or think that I have been sober X amount of time therefore it is ok if I have just one drink (that always wound up as usual way too many drinks). There are many different programs of recovery out there. Here is a listing of some of them: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html Personally, AA is the one that worked for me but I know there are many here that have found success with other programs.

Dee74

I found support really helped me stay sober for good. I used this place and checked in everyday but others have used face to face support like AA SMART etc...

I really made a commitment to getting sober and staying that way - even when I felt ok, I still worked on it, so that when those feelings came I was able to deal with them, or know where I could come for help.

I don't believe anyones doomed to be a drunk forever...not unless they want to be

D

amy55

John,

I was completely sober for 2 1/2 years, never wanted to go back. My husband started to goad me that I was a "saint". I did go back to drinking, but the best I ever felt was when I wasn't. I try to recall that period of time. I started to drink again, and heavily. I want tomorrow to be day 1. I want to stop the shakes, I want to stop my mind from racing. I want to fix up my house. I hit rock bottom. I want to enjoy life.

sugarbear1

Aa works for me and i have sober friends and activities.

Best wishes on your journey!

NoelleR

"...I have embraced the whole notion of one day at a time and that works for about a month. How do you keep from thinking that you have somehow gotten better and can drink again..."

You've been given some really good suggestions regarding some 'tricks of the trade' to help you get over that "...thinking that you have somehow gotten better and can drink again..." ...and you can always use AA, or Rational Recovery, or SMART, or Celebrate Recovery, or, or, or whatever sobriety program...solely for the fellowship---for some f2f support; it's good to have a f2f support group, some accountability partners, so to speak.....

"...I have embraced the whole notion of one day at a time and that works for about a month..." Ahhhhhh, the good ole one day at a time (ODAAT). It certainly does get thrown into the mix a lot. A lot of the folks throwing this 'ODAAT' around are AAer's and so 'ODAAT' has even become linked to AA. BUT.....AA does NOT subscribe to the idea of quitting drinking One Day At A Time; the founders of AA did NOT get sober using the ODAAT method; the founders of AA got sober "for good 'n all."

There was a fella at one of the AA groups I used to attend when I was a newcomer. This poor fella would get sober for a few weeks and then relapse; get sober for a month and then relapse; get sober for six weeks and then relapse. He asked at a meeting what was wrong with him; he just couldn't seem to get any 'long term' sobriety. Now, of course, he got lots of suggestions to try to help him not pick up that 'first drink' but after all of these suggestions, an oldtimer asked this young fella, "Perhaps you're only giving yourself permission for a week, or a month, or however long sobriety.....? Instead of only giving yourself permission for this short-term sobriety, why not try giving yourself permission for long-term sobriety.....who knows.....?.....it might work.....'n whadda ya got to lose.........?


(o:
NoelleR

Brucel

I was never a binge drinker, but I have heard shares in meetings who discribe the denial that comes with that type of drinking. That being said, an alcoholic is someone who has lost the ability to control his/her drinking. Plain and simple. I also go to AA and have been sober for over 6 years. The reason I believe, is how the program is set up and how the 12 step process works. There is hope for you. Desperation puts us on the path. Persperation keeps us there. If stayin sober was easy, everybody who had a problem would be, but sadly there are people who continue drinking. Keep looking and you'll find your answer.

eJoshua

Get a program and work it. I spent a lot of time sitting around waiting for sobriety to fall in my lap. It doesn't work that way.

Best of luck.

Terminally Unique

It would seem that you are not drinking because you feel that you cannot drink. When I did that, it didn't last very long, either. I had to make a personal decision to (1) Never Drink Again and to (2) Never Change my Mind.

Saying "I cannot drink again, let's see if I can try not to drink today" is not the same thing as saying "I will never drink again."

Passive vs Active.

Deprivation vs Freedom.

You need to internalize the decision. Focusing on all the downsides is obviously not working for you, since you "forget" the bad stuff after a while.

Have you tried focusing on the positives of quitting for good?

ETA

How many times has this happened? Have you examined the circumstances to see if there is a pattern?

Would it help to get a journal and start each day with some goals/plan for the day and end each day with a "how it went" entry... Or something to track what's going on with the cycle you are in so you know how to get out of it.

I got a tattoo that whenever I look at it I am reminded of all the mistakes and shame and blackouts etc. Reading posts here helps a lot.

Terminally Unique

NoelleR is correct, at least regarding the intention of the first groups. ODAAT comes from the Serenity Prayer, and refers to living one day at a time, or more accurately, in the moment. If you read the early AA pamphlets, particularly from AA Group #1 in Akron, Ohio, this is made clear.

This, of course, is a very far cry from today's third tradition, both long and short forms...

SomethingBetter

I’ve had to change friends and places and really commit to staying sober no matter what.

I don’t go around others that drink, I don’t go to places that are for drinking and don’t go to family gatherings where drinking is the main event. This is just me but it works for me.

And I visit this forum everyday…

Find what works for you and stick to it, staying sober is really worth it.

sugarbear1

Alcoholism is a progressive disease.

It grows wether i drink or not.

If you were allergic to peanuts, would you hope one day it would go away or would you keep eating them today hoping tomorrow would be different?

Soberpotamus

Alcohol addiction is very different from a food allergy. People tend to stay away from foods that cause them problems without the same kind of difficulty that alcoholics have abstaining from alcohol...

Not everyone shares your views that alcoholism is a progressive disease. How can it progress if you abstain? You've arrested the problem. If you pick back up again and drink, then it progresses.

eJoshua

Seems to be a lot of argument between AAers and SMART people going around tonight...

Let's all focus on the important thing: sobriety. How you get there is irrelevant in my mind - some people will use one method while others use another. Much of it is just semantics, anyways...

Let's all remember the OP, John, and try not to hijack his thread.

Dee74

Good advice, Josh.
Lets keep the focus on the OP and the thread subject thanks

D