Hope727

I have been lurking here for about a month, and I think it is about time I come clean and admit that I have a problem with alcohol. I live in a neighborhood where everyone is "perfect", and everyone sees me that way.

I have three beautiful children (10, 8. 1). When I asked my husband for help, he told me that my drinking was my problem, not his. I know he loves me, he has put up with my nightly wine episodes for years, but he is not willing to jump into this reality with me, the reality that I am an alcoholic.

Ouch, I just admitted it, I am an aloholic, although I am doing a great job of deceiving my friends and neighbors, I am falling apart. I don't know how to stop this train wreck, and I have never posted on a board before, I just need somebody to let me know that I can stop it.

nandm

to SR. I do hope you find the encouragement, hope, and support that I have found here.

Hope727

Thank you! It is nice to know I don't have to do this alone. I have been fighting this alone for years, I think now that I have made this "public", I am on the right track.

Snarf

Welcome Hope, and I'm very glad you're here! This site is full of wonderful people who have lots of experience and support to share. I'm a big fan.

In regards to your husband, I'm obviously not privy to the workings of your relationship, but I'd like to share some of my experience with my fiancee. She obviously knew I had a drinking problem, because we had been together for over 6 years when I stopped drinking, and had lived together for much of it. But when I knew I had to stop drinking, I decided not to tell her about it, for 2 reasons. 1) I didn't want to look foolish if I went back to drinking very quickly. 2) I wanted her to SEE the changes in me, not HEAR me TALK about them. So I began going to AA meetings at all times of the day and posting on this site at every random hour.

One day about a week into my life without alcohol, she asked me where I kept running off to. I told her I had been going to AA meetings and that I hadn't had a drink in almost a week, and that's when we had the talk about my not drinking. But I didn't really intentionally tell her anything about my recovery at first; I let her come to me and ask questions and I answered them as honestly as I could. She even went to a meeting with me, and I think that's when she understood what I was doing.

In response to your statement about deceiving your friends and neighbors, it's amazing how much of the deception disappears from our lives once we're no longer a slave to the bottle. We can live happy, healthy, productive lives, and we don't have to deceive anyone because we can do positive things that we don't need to hide from people. Our lives can be an open book, so long as we're living them the right way.

Again, thanks for being here! I hope you hang around for a while.

Zebra1275

If you go to some AA meetings you will likely see somebody from your neighborhood.

Alcoholics don't usually live under a highway overpass and drink from a paper sack. I know of one who lives in the biggest house you can imagine and is a multi-millionaire.

wellwisher

Hi, Hope, and welcome....

I can tell you that it is possible to stop, and once stopped, that desperation and facade of "perfection" can be dropped and a new life can be had. It is liberating.

Yes, your drinking problem is your own, but you have pointed a foot in the right direction. What better way to get sober than to join with others who know how to get sober?

When I look back at my recovery, I often realize how much effort it took for me to keep the facade going versus my actual recovery. The facade was so much more draining than my actual recovery. At least in recovery, there was action and forward motion.

So, welcome......

Buelah

Welcome, Hope.

Remember, there is no such thing as perfect or normal. Good is better than perfect. It is a more content state of mind. You have no idea what goes on behind their doors either. We all have dysfunction and we all have our problems. But, it's up to us to take control on them.

You sound like how I was. I'm at day 34 right now. No one knew how bad my problem was, not even my husband. Maybe your husband doesn't realize how bad it is. I was self destructing with not a soul having a clue. This is where Snarf's comments hit the nail on the head:
I truly love not having to "hide" every thing now. I also waited a full week before I said to my husband "have you noticed anything". It then led to me opening up about the hidden bottles when company came over, wrapping bottles in garbage so he wouldn't see another empty one. Not being able to go a day without having alcohol. He, too, drinks and has joined in my journey with me. He is at 27 days. When I first told him he said "you're not an alcoholic". But, by the time I told him every thing I was doing, he felt bad for not noticing. It even required a little battle on my part to make him understand. I was just about in tears tellilng him (as embarrassing as it was). Now when I bring up what I did and what we did as a couple, we just shake our heads and realize how lucky we've been. If your husband truly loves you, sit him down in a nice quiet time, and talk to him from your heart. You are doing this for yourself first, but that will shine on your children and him. And your relationship will only get stronger. I can't get over how much better mine has gotten. I've always loved my hubby, but I can see how alcohol was really making us distant. I feel like we are dating again (kind of fun!).

And remember....for those that question why you are not drinking, it's up to you how you answer. But, your true friends and family that love you will just say "good for you". May be awkward for a while - but it is liberating as Wellwisher put.

Welcome, keep reading, keep posting, and enjoy sobriety - it has its ups and downs, but that's not just sobriety, that's life.

Congrats on knowing it's time to change.

Edwardm

Hope727,

I am the same way, it seemed to slowly sneak up on me over the years until I was drinking everynight. My colleagues at work have no idea. Just seeking out and coming to this site is a tremendous step. I'm 9 days sober and it's not easy but you can do it. The people on this site are great. Listen to the veterans, they have great advice. Today, do not drink. You can do this. Concentrate on today only, worry about tomorrow when it comes.

aidadeb

Hope...Welcome
I can totally relate to your story. I have been drinking heavy for the last few years...sometimes binging for days. But I was the master of deception. Only a very few close friends and family members new I had a problem...including myself. I now know that I need help so I came to SR. I am on day 2 and WILL NOT drink today. This site with all the incredibly wonderful and supportive people has really inspired me and I no longer feel alone with this problem. I hope you get as much out of SR as I am and I wish you much success in conquering your alcohol problem.

recoverywfaith

Welcome to SR.

instant

welcome Hope
I am day 73 or so. I have so much more freedom in my mind, am sleeping better. The feeling of being trapped and tormented has left me.

It is not easy but the rewards are very much worth it .

Hope727

Thank you all so much! I wrote this while drinking last night, knowing I would never do it sober, and I am so glad that I did!

Today is Day 1 for me, and I am not telling my husband, because he won't believe it, since he has heard it sooo many times before. He hates my drinking, but enable me at
the same time. It is like being to keep this in his back pocket to bring up when we fight.
I know that alcoholics come in all different sizes, shapes, and colors, my family is full of them! I need to do this for me, and for my kids. I want to actually want to wake up and take my toddler out, instead of putting on cartoons because I have a hangover. I have to stop this.

Hope727

sorry, that post was a mess. I meant to say that my husband likes to keep my alcohol abuse in his back pocket to use against me during fights. I guess it makes him look like a better person? My toddler is trying to type along with me, sorry!

Hope727

Oh, and I know my neighborhood is far from perfect, but these women sure do know how to act, and I hate it!!!! But, I guess they could say the same thing about me.I look like the perfect wife and mom. If they only knew!

Zebra1275

but these women sure do know how to act, and I hate it!!!! But, I guess they could say the same thing about me.I look like the perfect wife and mom. If they only knew!

Everyone has a facade, you might be surprised at what goes on behind closed doors.

bellakeller

What anyone thinks of you is none of your business.

I was told this early on in recovery and it was very freeing.

I am probably much like you; mom of young kids, nice neighborhood, etc..I found AA and counseling very helpful. Also ACA, which is Adult Children of Alcoholics has been a helpful tool because my family's got many a functional drunk. I got an ACA red book and did some reading and work on my own. There's no ACA fellowship where I live but I need to be focused on staying sober anyway, so AA's my base program.

I've done a ton of work, my character has undergone a ton of changes and my life just keeps getting richer with every day I stay sober. Last time I drank was a little over two years ago and I hope I never see that hell again.

Stick around. You can do this.

Much love.

H3art

Everyone has their own battles/demons, some are frowned upon by society while others are more easily hidden from others. I am happy to hear that you are going to stop, this is day one for me too. I have been battling this for 6 years now, it took me a long time to realize that I had a problem in the first place. My father was the first one to say something. I have lost many people and things close to me over the years. I just know that I don't want to loose anymore to alcohol. I had a boyfriend that also took a similar approach to my drinking, he would only talk to me about it when I desperately needed to talk about it. He would get mad at me and abuse me when I drank and yell at me about it later, the rest of the world never knew, everyone thought he was the perfect boy friend and that I was the one that had the problem. We broke up last year and now I more or less live alone in my house and have been having a really hard time with the booze.

Lionne

Glad you found us! There's a lot of supportive people here and I hope you can find some support.

Rogerrfy

Well you have takeing the 1st step is to say your an Alcoholic. Hi my name is Roger and I too am an Alcoholic and Ive been sober for 32 days now and each day keeps getting better and better. I go to AA and read the big book and have support from my family but not from my girlfriend as of yet. But youll find support at AA and lots of help. Keep up the good work.

CarolD

Welcome....

I'm an alcoholic who has been useing both AA and SR for years...both are very important to my well being.

All my best to you and your family as you begin a sober future...