transformyself

So I am finally ready to file for divorce and finalize the end of my marriage. AH is quacking about getting his dads attorney, how unfit I am as a parent, how I make no money and can't support the kids, etc. He's texted me all day from work (which must be exhausting as he was out all night drinking) freaking out, making threats.

Here's the beautiful part: when I told him I'm ready to formalize this, I did it-finally-with no regrets and no expectation. Well, I actually did expect him to shift into this mode of freaking out, blaming me, and making threats. That much I knew But I have no regrets. No "gee maybe he'll sober up, what am i giving up? None of it.

So his quacking, his threats of how he's taking away my money, the kids, bla bla bla, none of it bothers me. He's powerless in so many ways. He can't do the laundry right now, he's so pickled. And every things he's trying to use against me is actually a case FOR me to have custody, child support and alimony. Why yes, thank you, you have supported me for 15 years while I raise the kids. That'll be $1300 monthly in alimony please.

I also feel safe, sane and unhurried. Like I have all the time in the world. This is a marked difference from how I feel when I'm hooked in by his threats, which is like I have to immediately react. Frantic.

Not this time. I'm very clear about my boundaries and will create them.

Freedom1990

And that is what I call growth! Good job, gal!

transformyself

Thanks. It's interesting how his threats really mean nothing to me. I may feel differently in the midst of a court battle, with no money, but I'm crystal clear on this boundary.

fedup3

Wow, so happy for you. When I made the decision to end it it was because I actually felt like I've balancing myself on a fence for so long tipping one way and then tipping the other way that when I decided to jump off, it was freeing. Here's to Recovery.

Just4me

Yay for you!!! That's such a good feeling KNOWING you're making the right choice!! I cut my dad out of my life 4 years ago and to this day I feel peace with my decision (not to mention the stress and worrying is gone). SO happy for you!!

transformyself

....and here he is, being Super Dad with the kids, to show them and everyone what a great dad he is.

I'm so glad I've done this before. The first 30 times he did this it would really annoy me. Now, I recognize the pattern.

Here's a question for ya: why, in the past, did I not see this behavior and follow it through to conclusion? The cycle is so predictable. He's pissed now, threatening me and showing off his "sobriety." Approximate time of this phase: 2 weeks. Then he'll seriously start believing he can drink again. Forget that I'm divorcing him. It's amazing.

Happiness Fairy

Hah - mine didn't even last 2 weeks through that phase!!! Two weeks ago we had (yet another) weekend from hell and I promised myself that there was no looking back - I called my attorney pronto on Monday morning and just said "do it". He was served that night and we have since been through everyone of his emotions that exist.

I'm so happy to hear that you have reached your point. It feels great! And, if it feels this good even through all the chaos that is still occurring I can only imagine how much better it's going to continue to get.

YAY!

Leaping

I am in the same boat as you Transform, crystal clear and just waiting for the details to work themselves out. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. I find my backbone every time I come on here when I read the stories. Stay firm and know the peace at the end will be worth it. Thinking of you -

transformyself

I'm going to have to keep coming back here and reading to stay sane, that much is clear. He's already lashing out, "I dont' want to continue to support you," stuff like that. I have no income right now, am self employed.

I need an attorney.