FNB3

Hello, I have slowly built up to 6-7, 10/325 percocet pills daily over the last 5 years. I started for a disk injury. The drug is not working anymore and I don't even know if I'm feeling real pain or if it's the drug wrecking my body or my mind just requesting more drugs. I decided to stop using them yesterday and I have somewhat of a plan and this forum is part of that plan. I don't trust my own brain because it is incredibly savvy in manipulating me. I may not be able to do this without some support and I can't turn to the people close to me for this. I am 35, and have been dabbling between substances to use and abuse for almost 15 years. I'm starting to feel and even look it and I want to change that. I have stopped using for small periods but have never been sober. Right now, I have cut down to 2 pills a day taking them in halves 4 times a day. On Monday, I plan to use one pill and split that in half and take it through the day and repeat that for 5 days. By next Saturday I will be done. I expect to feel terrible. Can someone offer some suggestions on what to do or expect in the immediate future? I have done a lot of reading but interaction may help me more. Thank you.

FrothyJay

You should see a doctor and tell him you have an addiction to a narcotic and want to get off of it. There are dangers to detoxification that a doctor can help you with.

You know the reason it's so hard to kick alcohol and drugs? The withdrawal sucks. In fact, it's so bad that most of us are powerless to get through it-- we go back, choosing the pain we know (the consequences of our alcoholism and addiction) over the pain we don't (withdrawal and sobriety).

So I can tell you to expect that this will be hard, and it will be virtually impossible on your own. Find a fellowship-- NA would be a good place to start-- and tell them where you're at.

FNB3

Thanks Frothy....oh, being honest to the Dr.'s now is probably the hardest part for me. I feel like if I just do it on my own that my Dr.'s will never have to hear me say that I'm an addict and I can leave the door open for a script down the road. That's how my brain works. Truely getting that first of twelve steps is the answer and just can't be done halfheartedly.

FrothyJay

Well said. But think of the first step not as the moment you decided to fight this with all your might, but the moment you gave up, completely and without reservation.

Why do you give up? Because you see with clarity the repetition of the madness. That every time you've promised to stop, you've broken that promise.

When you realize you have two options-- a slow death on one hand, or recovery through a spiritual awakening on the other-- you've experienced your first step. If there are other alternatives in between, get them out of the way now.

Dee74

Welcome to SR, FNB

D

MsCooterBrown

I don't know if anyone ever watches Spike TV..it is the MANS channel so I watch it because I can.
Anyway..they have a show on called Jail. I have talked about this show before..but one of the booking cops or whatever they are called recognized this repeat dealer that keeps getting cuffed and stuffed..they have to do profile pictures each time you are incarcerated. So the jailer comes back and sits down with this guy to show him the change..I am thinking he was a meth shooter. 5 pictures in all..1st one he is a normal looking kid...chubby face..spiked hair..as they go thru it gets worse and worse..by the time they get to his current booking picture..his face is sunken in..missing teeth..he has zits all over his face. He was taken aback..I thought it was cool that the jailer took the time to show him the obvious damage. After looking at the pictures he said he was really going to try to quit for good this time..
I really like Mansers too. The shows are packed with odd, fun trivia. ANYWAY yeah..once alcohol and drugs are taken out of your everyday life..you appearance changes for the better! Glad you are here FNB3!

Zencat

Welcome to SoberRecovery FNB3,

Asking your doctor for help with the detox would be a good start. I see far too many trying to taper without the help of their doctor and fail.

Cleaning up from addiction has been one of my best accomplishments ever. I think you will find it to be the same for you. Welcome to a better drug free life.

FNB3

Just got off the phone with my Dr. . I told her that I have a problem and asked for advice on quitting. I told them that I wanted if to be known that I don't want anymore prescriptions. They were not very helpful and kinda tried to persuade me to believe that I didn't have a problem.

This was a really difficult call for me to make. Closing the door for future use was really hard. I wasn't quite able to voice to them "I am an addict" (damn you first step!) but it was a win for me.

crittery

Welcome FNB3! It's going to be very difficult but worth it in the long run. Being sober and having good health is the best kind of high you can get. Good luck mate.

FNB3

Not really feeling talkative but need to post something and visit this site because the last day or so has been hard. I'm rationalizing with myself to the point that I am luckily telling my brain to just shut it.

I've disposed of any additional Opiates and accelerated my taper to end on Friday. Feeling like hell but embracing it knowing that pain says I'm closer to getting better.

TH82

I know how you feel. I am hooked on that crap too and Im sick of it i feel like crap all the time and it seems like no matter how many pills i take its never enough. I am still trying to find a detox or rehab, no luck yet

crittery

Can you admit yourself to a hospital TH82, and tell them you want to detox? I think you can do that here but I don't know if it's the same where you're from. I've heard that there are plenty of clinics in the US.

I can't imagine how hard it is for you guys, FNB3, your last post is inspirational.

Dee74

If you're dissatisfied with yr Dr, FNB, can you find another?
Welcome TH82 - have you checked this site?

Substance Abuse Treatment Facility Locator

D

FNB3

My Dr is ok...can't really fault them for minimizing me having a problem when they are the ones writing the scripts...

Just posting that tonight is my last pill...nervous...seriously sleep deprived but still focused...don't have anything to say really, it's just that I made a rule fOr myself to post something every day to keep recovery at the front of my mind

EmeraldRose

Welcome FNB3.

FNB3

Feeling positive this morning...stayed up last night watching the NFL Draft and remembered all of the games I go to with my family every year. So much time spent high and planning to make sure I had plenty of the drugs for the weekend. I barely even remember the games and was sneaking all of this behind everyones back.

I thought about all of the events that I have done that had a heavy theme of drug use around them. I was wondering if I'm even still goin to like to do these things once I have sobriety and what they will be like.

I gave a lot of guilt at the moment because I have a couple youngsters and they have grown too fast. I missed too much of knowing them intimately, at all the different stages, because I was in a cloud.

Hard to stay in the present at times. Got to find a way though.

FNB3

Last night was horrendous. Only had a little broken sleep from 5am-8am. Can't sleep in my room. Woke up to a big smile in my 3-yr-olds bed. He was on my chest at 8 wanting to play.

Been thinking about telling my wife what ha happened but am fearful of the reaction. We don't have a good relationship and she really throws the past in my face every chance she gets. I don't know if it's a good idea right now. I have been hidin the pills for 4-years. I was on them for almost a year when she wanted me to stop. It was a big problem in the house. I convinced her that I had quit but stayed on them for another 4 years. In those 4 years I have gotten crap from her for the one year that she knew about. I want to tell her but I think its too soon. Suggestions and experiences would be great...thanks

crittery

From what you've posted I definitely would not tell her. Maybe one day, but wait until you get along better and can trust each other.

Latte

I agree with talking to your doctor. There are a lot of non narcotic ways to manage pain, and if you are honest with your medical care team you can get the help you need.

Welcome. I am so glad you are here.

FNB3

Thanks Latte...was feeling positive the last couple days, after getting some sleep, but last night was madness again and I only slept from about 5am-7am. That is scary...thinking the w/d symptoms are fading then they come back just as intense. How long can this crap last?

I don't want more drugs but if this doesnt get better in the next couple days I may see my Dr for help. I would rather find natural methods and remedies but so far they've had the same effect as taking a breath mint.