pixilation

Sometime early this morning, I think around 4am, I got woken up to the light being turned on in the bedroom, and AH trying to find something. Figured it was just more drunken rant/rampaging stuff, and went back to bed.

Well, he must've been trying to find his keys, because the SUV is gone. Sadly, I'm more afraid that he's killed someone then I am that he's dead, or in jail.

Trying to decide if I start making phone calls, or just pack the kids up and go over to my sister's for the day.

sailorjohn

I vote for going to the sisters', relax and try not to think about it at all.

Nothing you can do about it, right?

wanttobehealthy

I'm sorry-- I don't know what I'd do. I guess probably I'd call the police (if you're worried he's drunk and on the road bc it's about protecting everyone else) and give the license plate and then go to another family members house. I did this almost identical thing in Jan. My mistake was believing the "oh my god I am so sorry, please give me another chance" when he re-appeared 3 days later.

I do hope that he has not harmed himself or god forbid, someone else.

coffeedrinker

i would say, try not to get sucked into drama. the phone calling keeps you stuck in "it"

i hope the suv is his vehicle, not yours?

wanttobehealthy

Wow- I have to say that I get staying detached, but when you have good reason to believe someone is driving drunk and you don't let the police know so that they can do their job and protect innocent people-- boy, that smacks of enabling or worse, complete selfishness.

There's a difference people between involving yourself in someone's business when no one is going to be harmed and there is no need and involving yourself when you can help protect others.

I am kind of shocked by the suggestions to not make a phone call.

Let me ask this? If you saw someone who wasn't a family member appearing drunk and watched them drive off, would you make a call? I would. It's called being a responsible citizen.

Not every situation calls for un-involvement. Calling the police and leaving it in their hands if there's a problem to be dealt with is the responsible thing to do. IMO.

pixilation

Yes, it is his vehicle.

thing is, he left almost 6 hours ago, he's either where he was going, pulled over and sitting in jail, or upside down in a waterfilled ditch. I'm not even sure what the license plate number is for that vehicle.

Gawd, I'm shaking. I hate him. I hate that I even have to contemplate this kind of thing.

wanttobehealthy

Pixilation- I know how you feel and as a human being it's impossible to not worry. Each of the times this has happened with my AH (twice) I've called the police. My T told me it was the right thing to do and the police thanked me for being more concerned about others than protecting my H's privacy. Do what you feel best about but don't feel you shouldn't make a call bc you think it will mean you aren't detaching. That's not the case.

Oh and fwiw, I don't know my H's license plate either but bc the car is registered I gave the cops his name and the car description and they pulled the license plate number from DMV. I didn't know they could do that-- learned something new!

I'm so sorry for the worry you must be feeling.

pixilation

Okay, son called him, he's at his mom's house.

japabp2000

((((((Hugs)))))))) I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope he hasn't hurt anyone or himself. Bless you sweetie.

Buffalo66

This whole scenario reminds me of that phrase about how alcoholics dont have friends or partners, they take hostages.

And he probably wasnt even trying to, just drunk with some wacky reasoning in his head.

Im sorry you went through this!

suki44883

He's at his mom's house. All that worry and he was safe and sound at his mom's house.

Alone22

At least now you know he is safe.... go and do something to get your mind off of it. Hugs

pixilation

Well, when I woke oldest up and asked him about his father, I got told "he said something about going to Denver last night", and since that's the opposite way from his mother's house, he truly could've been anywhere.

And yes, the hostage quote hits home today, that's for sure.

wanttobehealthy

Glad to hear he's okay and perhaps more importantly (is that terrible to say?) that he didn't harm anyone else...

pixilation

Well, if it's terrible to say, then I guess I'm terrible because I thought the same thing.

He ended up driving home and is now sleeping. I'm sure he'll be sleeping all day.

pixilation

I don't know about calling, I mean, would it do any good now? He got unsupervised probation, so no officer to report him too or anything.

5 weeks, that's all I need to get thru now.

suki44883

No point in reporting him now. It's done and you have no proof he was drunk at the time anyway. If you have a set in stone plan to leave in five weeks, then just keep working toward that end. You can't control him anyway, so just detach yourself from his behavior.

Cyranoak

...but you report unsupervised probation violations to the judge in his case. Again, I'm not telling you to do it, but that's how you do it if you choose to.

Remember, if you are making the decisions you are making because they are best for you and your children, great. If you are making them to shield him for the consequences of his actions or from lack of resolve, not great.

I know it's hard. I've been there.

Take care,

Cyranoak

P.s. You, and only you, should decide if it would do any good now. I can say, and my wife is on supervised probation right now, if I catch her drinking I'm reporting it immediately. And she knows it.

eaglette

I am glad that everyone involved is physically okay. Pixil my suggestion would be to pack things and head for the sister's house anyway...I know it's not as easily done as said, but you are right that you shouldn't have to deal with situations such as these. Neither should your kids.

japabp2000

Gosh, it sucks so bad that A's don't even take us who love them into consideration. I'm glad he is safe and that he didn't hurt or kill anyone. ((((Hugs))))