Sitting The Wheel Chair In The Middle Of The Freeway........
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
Sitting The Wheel Chair In The Middle Of The Freeway........
Today, is one of those days, where I feel like Im sitting my RAH in the middle of the freeway in a wheel chair...
He might be drinking, who knows, since moved away for his recovery plan.
His recovery plan...Move, Work, Sleep & Still Living In Misery
The phone calls of: Where is my wife to support me, thought we married for better or worse?
Guilt trap and I fell into it today...
Feels like I took the sick person (handicap) and sat the wheel chair in the middle of the freeway, and I just walked away... Uggggg
He might be drinking, who knows, since moved away for his recovery plan.
His recovery plan...Move, Work, Sleep & Still Living In Misery
The phone calls of: Where is my wife to support me, thought we married for better or worse?
Guilt trap and I fell into it today...
Feels like I took the sick person (handicap) and sat the wheel chair in the middle of the freeway, and I just walked away... Uggggg
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Some days are hard.Look at it this way. He can sit there in that damn chair and cry for you to come and get him and all the injustices of the world..or he can just get up and walk to the side of the road. If you walk out there he's still stuck in the chair and you'll most likely get hit by a truck in the process.
Let go or be drug. Try to lesson the contact - it helps.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
:ghug3
Remember you are not his HP, and he is not helpless. If anything give him directions for AA. That's all you (or anyone) can do for him. "For better or worse" does NOT apply when there is addiction & abuse IMHO
Remember you are not his HP, and he is not helpless. If anything give him directions for AA. That's all you (or anyone) can do for him. "For better or worse" does NOT apply when there is addiction & abuse IMHO
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
He can walk. He needs to figure that out.
But, he can walk.
You actually dont do him any favors by enabling him to be like an invalid. Like a handicapped person.
Its just guilt. That is an emotion. Name it, feel it and let it go. Let your logic come in after, and remind you what is real.
But, he can walk.
You actually dont do him any favors by enabling him to be like an invalid. Like a handicapped person.
Its just guilt. That is an emotion. Name it, feel it and let it go. Let your logic come in after, and remind you what is real.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by BobbyJ 
The phone calls of: Where is my wife to support me, thought we married for better or worse?
Where you do have a say in is how you react.
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
Manipulation is the name of the game.
I guess he forgot about the "to love and to cherish" part.
Do you feel cherished?
He already broke his vows, don't let him hold you to a promise he already broke.
You deserve so much better.
Originally Posted by BobbyJ
thought we married for better or worse?
Do you feel cherished?
He already broke his vows, don't let him hold you to a promise he already broke.
You deserve so much better.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
Let me be clear....
...he breaks his vows every single time he takes a drink. When one person breaks their vows the other person is no longer bound to them.
Also, and as many others said, he is not helpless. He can get out of the damn chair himself, or stay in it and get run over. Plus, wheelchairs roll (if you roll them).
Lastly, you did not put the chair in the middle of the freeway-- HE DID.
My opinion only.
Take what you want and leave the rest.
Cyranoak
P.s. Time for an Alanon meeting.
P.p.s. Again with all due respect and my opinion only, marriage is a disease and divorce is the beginning of the cure. My wife and I have been divorced for years at this point, and our relationship is better than it's ever been. We are together now purely because we want to be, not because of a socio-political/religious concept designed to chain women to men. There was a plan to marry again down the way, but as the years go by we talk about it less and less. Plus, nobody can stop us from calling each other husband and wife. That's what we want to do so we do it. ****-off Society.
Also, and as many others said, he is not helpless. He can get out of the damn chair himself, or stay in it and get run over. Plus, wheelchairs roll (if you roll them).
Lastly, you did not put the chair in the middle of the freeway-- HE DID.
My opinion only.
Take what you want and leave the rest.
Cyranoak
P.s. Time for an Alanon meeting.
P.p.s. Again with all due respect and my opinion only, marriage is a disease and divorce is the beginning of the cure. My wife and I have been divorced for years at this point, and our relationship is better than it's ever been. We are together now purely because we want to be, not because of a socio-political/religious concept designed to chain women to men. There was a plan to marry again down the way, but as the years go by we talk about it less and less. Plus, nobody can stop us from calling each other husband and wife. That's what we want to do so we do it. ****-off Society.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
When I kicked my 19 year old heavy pot smoker out of the house i told everyone I felt like I left a baby strapped in a car seat in the middle of the road..(I think I got that from Raising Arizona!) Anyway, that was MY problem..he wasn't a baby nor helpless.Got a year and half of Alanon under my belt and no longer have such visions!btw..after a year of mooching off friends he has his own place, works, and has a ton of money saved..so much for the helpless theory..
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Originally Posted by Cyranoak
We are together now purely because we want to be, not because of a socio-political/religious concept designed to chain women to men.
Amen.
I have coworkers from India, one of them just traveled to India to get married (someone chosen by the parents). Supposedly they check their stars or charts or something? WTF. And no, they are not living together anyway, he is not bringing her and he is not going back to India either. Perhaps they only want the 2-week-long party? if so I don't blame them, I hear there's a lot of ritual, music, food, etc lol.
He seems happy.
Back to the topic... someone here said that just as we arrive to SR and to therapy and Alanon and meet people who get us, alcoholics can do exactly the same and find strength and support IF they really want it. He is not special. No one is special!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
:ghug3
Remember you are not his HP, and he is not helpless. If anything give him directions for AA. That's all you (or anyone) can do for him. "For better or worse" does NOT apply when there is addiction & abuse IMHO
Remember you are not his HP, and he is not helpless. If anything give him directions for AA. That's all you (or anyone) can do for him. "For better or worse" does NOT apply when there is addiction & abuse IMHO
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