New Here- What do you all think?
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Join Date: Feb 2011
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New Here- What do you all think?
Hi!
I'm new here and I would really like to get everyone's opinion:
I am 29 years old, and a married father of two young boys. I work in a professional position and by all accounts would be considered professionally successful.
I was drinking several times a week (usually between 2-3 times), but when I drink I can never stop until I am heavily intoxicated. I prefer to do it alone, and often wait until my family is asleep before I drink. I often find myself reasoning that I can give up one more hour of sleep to have a few more drinks and end up drinking into the hours of the morning, and needlessly operating on less sleep.
I never have problems at work, I tuck my kids in at night and I don't seem to have trouble... well... really in most of the areas where you hear typical stories about problems from alcohol. Noone in my family has ever told me they think I have a "problem"... not even my wife, even though I am crawling into bed at 4 AM trashed.
...but I feel like I do. I spend alot of my time thinking about my next beer, and regularly sacrificing my sleep to drink more. About once a week I go a day with a bad hangover and no sleep and the lingering thought that "this needs to stop". I have expressed to my wife several times that I think I have a problem but while she always supports me saying I want to stop she never seems to really think I have a problem (and she doesn't drink like I do, at all).
Last month, 1/23 was the last late night/early morning that I drank, which is the longest time I have gone without drinking since I was deployed to Iraq when I was in the Marines... which would have been 2005-2006. I think about drinking pretty often, but have stayed strong the past month. There have been other failed attempts in the past and few have lasted longer than a week.... I don't think any lasted two weeks, so this is new territory for me.
...SO my question... do I have a problem? I feel like I do but I feel like since I am the only person that seems to think so maybe I'm crazy... what are your thoughts?
I'm new here and I would really like to get everyone's opinion:
I am 29 years old, and a married father of two young boys. I work in a professional position and by all accounts would be considered professionally successful.
I was drinking several times a week (usually between 2-3 times), but when I drink I can never stop until I am heavily intoxicated. I prefer to do it alone, and often wait until my family is asleep before I drink. I often find myself reasoning that I can give up one more hour of sleep to have a few more drinks and end up drinking into the hours of the morning, and needlessly operating on less sleep.
I never have problems at work, I tuck my kids in at night and I don't seem to have trouble... well... really in most of the areas where you hear typical stories about problems from alcohol. Noone in my family has ever told me they think I have a "problem"... not even my wife, even though I am crawling into bed at 4 AM trashed.
...but I feel like I do. I spend alot of my time thinking about my next beer, and regularly sacrificing my sleep to drink more. About once a week I go a day with a bad hangover and no sleep and the lingering thought that "this needs to stop". I have expressed to my wife several times that I think I have a problem but while she always supports me saying I want to stop she never seems to really think I have a problem (and she doesn't drink like I do, at all).
Last month, 1/23 was the last late night/early morning that I drank, which is the longest time I have gone without drinking since I was deployed to Iraq when I was in the Marines... which would have been 2005-2006. I think about drinking pretty often, but have stayed strong the past month. There have been other failed attempts in the past and few have lasted longer than a week.... I don't think any lasted two weeks, so this is new territory for me.
...SO my question... do I have a problem? I feel like I do but I feel like since I am the only person that seems to think so maybe I'm crazy... what are your thoughts?
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
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Welcome Dah - Good to have you here!
So, I'm guessing you've been sober now for a month? Or have you just not had a "late night" session since then?
Going through hangovers, trying not to drink without much success, thinking about alcohol a lot, suffering a loss of sleep because of your drinking, not being able to stop once you start, and waiting until everyone's asleep so you can enjoy your drinking........ all of these sound very much like alcoholic drinking to me, though no one can really determine that for sure except yourself.
It's just that I can relate to it all............ no one knew the extent of my problem either. I did everything to make sure they didn't!
Hang around for a while - it really helps to have the support of others who have been there....
So, I'm guessing you've been sober now for a month? Or have you just not had a "late night" session since then?
Going through hangovers, trying not to drink without much success, thinking about alcohol a lot, suffering a loss of sleep because of your drinking, not being able to stop once you start, and waiting until everyone's asleep so you can enjoy your drinking........ all of these sound very much like alcoholic drinking to me, though no one can really determine that for sure except yourself.
It's just that I can relate to it all............ no one knew the extent of my problem either. I did everything to make sure they didn't!
Hang around for a while - it really helps to have the support of others who have been there....
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 30
Thanks artsoul! I appreciate the response. To clarify I haven't had a drink since late 1/22 into 1/23 morning...
I can relate to your comment "I did everything to make sure they didn't"
Thanks for the support!
I can relate to your comment "I did everything to make sure they didn't"
Thanks for the support!
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Dah. Your story seems to match mine almost identical. I can't tell you if you have a problem but I will say I drank just like you did and I came to the conclusion that I had a problem. Also, there's a saying "If you think you have a problem with alcohol, you probably do".
The last day I drank was 12/2/2010. I remember wondering if I had a problem and I was never 100 percent convinced. Now that I have some sober time I can look back now and see that not only did I have a problem, but it was much bigger than I thought.
I wish you the best man. There is a saying in AA called the "yets". I have never gotten a DUI, I never lost a job or a marriage (YET). Just because we haven't lost everything doesn't mean we need to before we quit.
The last day I drank was 12/2/2010. I remember wondering if I had a problem and I was never 100 percent convinced. Now that I have some sober time I can look back now and see that not only did I have a problem, but it was much bigger than I thought.
I wish you the best man. There is a saying in AA called the "yets". I have never gotten a DUI, I never lost a job or a marriage (YET). Just because we haven't lost everything doesn't mean we need to before we quit.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: florida
Posts: 101
Welcome! I'm new too. 
I often wondered if I had a drinking problem, and I know now that I do (after speaking to many rehab intake personal; I'm going to detox on Monday for benzos), but my drinking sounded a lot like yours, minus the family; I live alone with a cat.
Anyway, I am 30 and also have a very corporate job- and 3-4 nights a week I would come home and down a bottle or two of wine by myself. This doesn't even include the total blotto weekend nights out with gaggles of girlfriends. Sometimes I drank with friends during the week, but usually alone. I'd do exactly the same thing, crawl in bed at 4am, feel like crap at work the next day, but it had no impact on my productivity and not a soul knew. The only person suffering was me.
I'm no doctor, but I know drinking alone and hiding it from others is often a sign of alcoholism. You think about drinking, crave it. And at the end of the days, if you think you have a problem- aren't you the best person to determine that? Personally, yes, by what you typed I think you do. You sound a lot like me, and I definitely have a problem. I've been alcohol free for about 3 weeks in preparation to go to detox, but I would devour a bottle of wine right now if I could.
So this past month you haven't drank at all? If so, that's awesome. Are you still thinking about wanting to drink??
Hang in there! Like I said, I'm brand new here and folks are super supportive, knowledgeable, open and totally non-judgmental. You're in the right spot.
~A
I often wondered if I had a drinking problem, and I know now that I do (after speaking to many rehab intake personal; I'm going to detox on Monday for benzos), but my drinking sounded a lot like yours, minus the family; I live alone with a cat.
Anyway, I am 30 and also have a very corporate job- and 3-4 nights a week I would come home and down a bottle or two of wine by myself. This doesn't even include the total blotto weekend nights out with gaggles of girlfriends. Sometimes I drank with friends during the week, but usually alone. I'd do exactly the same thing, crawl in bed at 4am, feel like crap at work the next day, but it had no impact on my productivity and not a soul knew. The only person suffering was me.
I'm no doctor, but I know drinking alone and hiding it from others is often a sign of alcoholism. You think about drinking, crave it. And at the end of the days, if you think you have a problem- aren't you the best person to determine that? Personally, yes, by what you typed I think you do. You sound a lot like me, and I definitely have a problem. I've been alcohol free for about 3 weeks in preparation to go to detox, but I would devour a bottle of wine right now if I could.
So this past month you haven't drank at all? If so, that's awesome. Are you still thinking about wanting to drink??
Hang in there! Like I said, I'm brand new here and folks are super supportive, knowledgeable, open and totally non-judgmental. You're in the right spot.
~A
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Join Date: Feb 2011
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Reggie and Akayla, thank you for the supportive posts. I am hearing alot of myself in what you both said...
Reggie- I definitely feel like I am in the "yet" category. I feel like my behavior was getting increasingly destructive, and it was a matter of time.
Akayla- Thank you for your post as well. And to answer your question- I definitely am thinking about drinking now, even though I am a little over a month sober.
I guess what I'm hearing here is validating what I have thought for a while... that I do have a problem.... and that I need to respect it. I guess I had too many feelings of "But I can't have a problem, I haven't- gotten a dui, lost a job, lost my family, etc.".
It was a matter of time.
Reggie- I definitely feel like I am in the "yet" category. I feel like my behavior was getting increasingly destructive, and it was a matter of time.
Akayla- Thank you for your post as well. And to answer your question- I definitely am thinking about drinking now, even though I am a little over a month sober.
I guess what I'm hearing here is validating what I have thought for a while... that I do have a problem.... and that I need to respect it. I guess I had too many feelings of "But I can't have a problem, I haven't- gotten a dui, lost a job, lost my family, etc.".
It was a matter of time.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'm another "not YET." But it was breathin' down my neck, that's for sure.
My drinking started off like yours, and eventually became daily drinking, isolating at home because I didn't want to drive drunk. Week-long withdrawals until I could come home and drink, every single day.
Hell of a way to live.
My drinking started off like yours, and eventually became daily drinking, isolating at home because I didn't want to drive drunk. Week-long withdrawals until I could come home and drink, every single day.
Hell of a way to live.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: florida
Posts: 101
Originally Posted by Dah 
Reggie and Akayla, thank you for the supportive posts. I am hearing alot of myself in what you both said...
Reggie- I definitely feel like I am in the "yet" category. I feel like my behavior was getting increasingly destructive, and it was a matter of time.
Akayla- Thank you for your post as well. And to answer your question- I definitely am thinking about drinking now, even though I am a little over a month sober.
I guess what I'm hearing here is validating what I have thought for a while... that I do have a problem.... and that I need to respect it. I guess I had too many feelings of "But I can't have a problem, I haven't- gotten a dui, lost a job, lost my family, etc.".
It was a matter of time.
Reggie- I definitely feel like I am in the "yet" category. I feel like my behavior was getting increasingly destructive, and it was a matter of time.
Akayla- Thank you for your post as well. And to answer your question- I definitely am thinking about drinking now, even though I am a little over a month sober.
I guess what I'm hearing here is validating what I have thought for a while... that I do have a problem.... and that I need to respect it. I guess I had too many feelings of "But I can't have a problem, I haven't- gotten a dui, lost a job, lost my family, etc.".
It was a matter of time.
The thing that keeps me going is the family thing; I come from a family of pill poppers and alcoholics. When I finally do have kids, I want to break the cycle that I grew up seeing and set an example that no good can come from substance abuse, and the type of drinking you described is indeed a downward spiral. It's not as though you can go backwards at this point, but it certainly sounds like you're heading in the right direction.
It's amazing how many people are so much like you, and I've realized in less than 24 hours, via this forum, that I can stop feeling bad about my actions and take charge. The fact you are able to abstain a month with your previous pattern on your own is quite amazing. You should be proud, and keep it up.
Respecting the power of your problem or addiction I think is very powerful and has helped me tremendously. Heck, just admitting you have a problem is huge. It's not as though anyone drug you to the computer and forced you into this forum. You're here because something inside you told you you needed to reach out to people who understood. And we do, and we're here for you.
As for your urge to drink- is it strong? Do you think you can tough it out? Have you considered AA, or do you feel like you may not need it?
~Akayla
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 267
Hi Dah! 
Welcome to the boards! Congratulations on one month of sobriety!!! That's wonderful! I think we should all listen to the little voice inside when it tells us something, and if yours is telling you that you have a problem, I would listen to it! It's probably trying to save you from trouble down the road if you continue. At least, that's what mine tells me! I wouldn't base whether or not you should stop whether or not your wife thinks you have a problem. Maybe you have hid it well by not having it cause problems in your family up to this point. Only you can decide if you have a problem and it's time to stop.
Welcome to the boards! Congratulations on one month of sobriety!!! That's wonderful! I think we should all listen to the little voice inside when it tells us something, and if yours is telling you that you have a problem, I would listen to it! It's probably trying to save you from trouble down the road if you continue. At least, that's what mine tells me! I wouldn't base whether or not you should stop whether or not your wife thinks you have a problem. Maybe you have hid it well by not having it cause problems in your family up to this point. Only you can decide if you have a problem and it's time to stop.
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 329
You are eligible too!
YET=you are eligible too.
They taught me this in rehab. I said, I am not like these people. When I put myself in rehab my family, friends, all thought I was nuts. I was a very functioning alchie. No one believed I had a problem. Rehab was Oct 2009..I swore I would never be like those people losing jobs, kids, homes, cars, etc etc.
Oct 2010 I was involved in car accident, my best friend of 25+ yrs was in my car and pronounced dead at scene. Now I have lost job, cars, had to rent my home, my xhusband now has custody of my son, suffered life changing injuries, have law issues looming, and lost someone I loved more than words.
I should have listened to the YET and took the steps I needed to stay sober.
They taught me this in rehab. I said, I am not like these people. When I put myself in rehab my family, friends, all thought I was nuts. I was a very functioning alchie. No one believed I had a problem. Rehab was Oct 2009..I swore I would never be like those people losing jobs, kids, homes, cars, etc etc.
Oct 2010 I was involved in car accident, my best friend of 25+ yrs was in my car and pronounced dead at scene. Now I have lost job, cars, had to rent my home, my xhusband now has custody of my son, suffered life changing injuries, have law issues looming, and lost someone I loved more than words.
I should have listened to the YET and took the steps I needed to stay sober.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by Akayla
I'm right there with you in the "yet" category. I have no kids, no DUI's, everything is fine at work and in my social life-- thus far, no adverse consequences to my drinking. Nary even a word from a family member or friend. I would like to keep it that way. You are in the position where you still can.
The thing that keeps me going is the family thing; I come from a family of pill poppers and alcoholics. When I finally do have kids, I want to break the cycle that I grew up seeing and set an example that no good can come from substance abuse, and the type of drinking you described is indeed a downward spiral. It's not as though you can go backwards at this point, but it certainly sounds like you're heading in the right direction.
It's amazing how many people are so much like you, and I've realized in less than 24 hours, via this forum, that I can stop feeling bad about my actions and take charge. The fact you are able to abstain a month with your previous pattern on your own is quite amazing. You should be proud, and keep it up.
Respecting the power of your problem or addiction I think is very powerful and has helped me tremendously. Heck, just admitting you have a problem is huge. It's not as though anyone drug you to the computer and forced you into this forum. You're here because something inside you told you you needed to reach out to people who understood. And we do, and we're here for you.
As for your urge to drink- is it strong? Do you think you can tough it out? Have you considered AA, or do you feel like you may not need it?
~Akayla
The thing that keeps me going is the family thing; I come from a family of pill poppers and alcoholics. When I finally do have kids, I want to break the cycle that I grew up seeing and set an example that no good can come from substance abuse, and the type of drinking you described is indeed a downward spiral. It's not as though you can go backwards at this point, but it certainly sounds like you're heading in the right direction.
It's amazing how many people are so much like you, and I've realized in less than 24 hours, via this forum, that I can stop feeling bad about my actions and take charge. The fact you are able to abstain a month with your previous pattern on your own is quite amazing. You should be proud, and keep it up.
Respecting the power of your problem or addiction I think is very powerful and has helped me tremendously. Heck, just admitting you have a problem is huge. It's not as though anyone drug you to the computer and forced you into this forum. You're here because something inside you told you you needed to reach out to people who understood. And we do, and we're here for you.
As for your urge to drink- is it strong? Do you think you can tough it out? Have you considered AA, or do you feel like you may not need it?
~Akayla
As to the urge to drink... it was strongest the first two weekends (that was always my hardest time)... after that I started to be kind of an accomplishment for me and for the first time I started thinking I could actually commit to it... Right now I am very empowered by my streak and my success so far (this time)
I had considered AA in passing but right now I think I am going to try and do this without the meetings. I imagine this is somewhat of a stereotypical response but I am incredibly busy with the kids, working full time, and I also do school several nights a week. I am of course willing to make whatever decision I need to make to recover but if I can do it without taking time away from anything else that would be the preferred thing for me.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 30
Dee, Godsholywill, and Least-
Thank you so much for the insightful posts. I am already overwhelmed at the amount of support I am finding here. And the point is very valid- If I think it is a problem, then its a problem. Why couldn't I reach that conclusion?! Thank you for helping me connect the dots
Thank you so much for the insightful posts. I am already overwhelmed at the amount of support I am finding here. And the point is very valid- If I think it is a problem, then its a problem. Why couldn't I reach that conclusion?! Thank you for helping me connect the dots
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by gr8ful42day
YET=you are eligible too.
They taught me this in rehab. I said, I am not like these people. When I put myself in rehab my family, friends, all thought I was nuts. I was a very functioning alchie. No one believed I had a problem. Rehab was Oct 2009..I swore I would never be like those people losing jobs, kids, homes, cars, etc etc.
Oct 2010 I was involved in car accident, my best friend of 25+ yrs was in my car and pronounced dead at scene. Now I have lost job, cars, had to rent my home, my xhusband now has custody of my son, suffered life changing injuries, have law issues looming, and lost someone I loved more than words.
I should have listened to the YET and took the steps I needed to stay sober.
They taught me this in rehab. I said, I am not like these people. When I put myself in rehab my family, friends, all thought I was nuts. I was a very functioning alchie. No one believed I had a problem. Rehab was Oct 2009..I swore I would never be like those people losing jobs, kids, homes, cars, etc etc.
Oct 2010 I was involved in car accident, my best friend of 25+ yrs was in my car and pronounced dead at scene. Now I have lost job, cars, had to rent my home, my xhusband now has custody of my son, suffered life changing injuries, have law issues looming, and lost someone I loved more than words.
I should have listened to the YET and took the steps I needed to stay sober.
This stands to reason, but maybe I've been brainwashed into thinking that people with "real" problems need to have someone else point out they have a problem before they realize it themselves...
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
Dah,
I have a wife and 2 boys, have a successful corporate job and own a small company on the side. I own a home, coach sports and was a heavy 2-3 times a night binge type drinker when I was about 36-39 years old. Your routine sounds like my own. Wife and kids would go to sleep and I would end up staying up until the AM just to finish one more cup.
As I got more successful I had more autonomy during my days and more money in my pocket I had more free time. As the free time and the money increased it gave me more opportunities to drink during the day. It started with a couple of lunches with clients who would have beer with lunch so I would join them, then I would have a couple more for the ride home, then I was hiding from the wife so she wouldn't know I was buzzed and I would continue through the night as usual.
This got me to drinking about 4 days a week from noon until 2AM. The hangovers got worse so the next great idea I had was on bad hangover days I would have a couple drinks in the morning to feel better then do the lunch then hide from the wife then drink until 2AM. I didn't really notice the progression as it was happening, but before I knew it I was drinking almost full time 5 days a week. Beer during the day and vodka at night, then if we were going to party on a friday or saturday I even drank more.
Unlike your wife, my wife always thought I had a drinking issue, even before it got to that point. But I found myself working really hard to try to keep a buzz going, buying the booze, getting rid of the cans and bottles, buying the visine and mouthwash and still paying the bills and coaching and keeps my business interests afloat. The drinking became the hardest work for me. I finally became sober at 42.
So yes I would say you have a problem, and if you don't watch it with a little time you could get worse. During the last 1-2 years when I finally decided that I had to quit I realized that I couldn't. Not only was I mentally addicted I was also physically addicted. That's where the real tough work and reevaluation of my life with alcohol and without alcohol began.
Good work on your sobriety and good luck in the future!
I have a wife and 2 boys, have a successful corporate job and own a small company on the side. I own a home, coach sports and was a heavy 2-3 times a night binge type drinker when I was about 36-39 years old. Your routine sounds like my own. Wife and kids would go to sleep and I would end up staying up until the AM just to finish one more cup.
As I got more successful I had more autonomy during my days and more money in my pocket I had more free time. As the free time and the money increased it gave me more opportunities to drink during the day. It started with a couple of lunches with clients who would have beer with lunch so I would join them, then I would have a couple more for the ride home, then I was hiding from the wife so she wouldn't know I was buzzed and I would continue through the night as usual.
This got me to drinking about 4 days a week from noon until 2AM. The hangovers got worse so the next great idea I had was on bad hangover days I would have a couple drinks in the morning to feel better then do the lunch then hide from the wife then drink until 2AM. I didn't really notice the progression as it was happening, but before I knew it I was drinking almost full time 5 days a week. Beer during the day and vodka at night, then if we were going to party on a friday or saturday I even drank more.
Unlike your wife, my wife always thought I had a drinking issue, even before it got to that point. But I found myself working really hard to try to keep a buzz going, buying the booze, getting rid of the cans and bottles, buying the visine and mouthwash and still paying the bills and coaching and keeps my business interests afloat. The drinking became the hardest work for me. I finally became sober at 42.
So yes I would say you have a problem, and if you don't watch it with a little time you could get worse. During the last 1-2 years when I finally decided that I had to quit I realized that I couldn't. Not only was I mentally addicted I was also physically addicted. That's where the real tough work and reevaluation of my life with alcohol and without alcohol began.
Good work on your sobriety and good luck in the future!
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
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Like reg said...if YOU think you have a problem then chances are...its a problem. Maybe it hasn't affected anyone else but you. But YOU are all it has to affect to want to change.
We were just talking about that in rehab tonight...denial vs. acceptance. When you drink you have a problem and will do almost anything to drink -even stay up when no ones watching. Accepting that you have a problem makes coming clean and staying clean easier.
Congratulations on the quit. My last drink was on January 27th. I go to AA and 3 times a week to rehab. I love going. It is nice to be able to talk about what I did or what I didn't do with people that don't judge me & understand.
Thank you for serving in Iraq...my 20 year old son is there now.
We were just talking about that in rehab tonight...denial vs. acceptance. When you drink you have a problem and will do almost anything to drink -even stay up when no ones watching. Accepting that you have a problem makes coming clean and staying clean easier.
Congratulations on the quit. My last drink was on January 27th. I go to AA and 3 times a week to rehab. I love going. It is nice to be able to talk about what I did or what I didn't do with people that don't judge me & understand.
Thank you for serving in Iraq...my 20 year old son is there now.
Dah and praying 4 Emeralds son.
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