reggiewayne

Hey all... I have found myself viewing drinking again as "not that big of a deal". I see many people drinking and living normal lives. I hear of friends going to bar's to watch the game and have a few beers. When I quit I was drinking a lot of whiskey. At the present, I just want to kick back and watch some football with a few beers. I realize that chances are I will revert back to my old ways, but damn it's daunting to think I'll never drink again.

It's hard to fathom that I will never be able to drink again. Especially since most people are able to enjoy the drinks without the wreckage. I haven't gone to a meeting today and quite frankly it just seems like a lot of work to maintain the rest of my life. It seems so harmless to have a few beers and watch a game, but my past and you people tell me something different....

Just not feeling it right now guys.. Sorry to be a downer, but I told myself I would not drink until I read through some responses. In the past, this is where I let sobriety go and jump right back on the drinking bandwagon...

Shevrard

Someone once explained addiction to me as a beast trying to trick you into feeding it. Alcohol (or drugs) is it's fuel. It will put on different masks and say "Hello, it's (NOT) me again!" It is tricky and sneaky and will do anything to weasel it's way back into your mind so you will feed it.

The other day I was in the middle of some menial task and the thought suddenly popped into my head "Hey, you haven't had a drink in a whole week! If you were a REAL alcoholic there was no way you could go an entire week without drinking." Then I realized - that is the beast talking. It's trying to trick me into feeding it!

Dee74

Hi Reggie

yeah - this is your addiction whispering in your ear.

Noone wants to be an alcoholic. Noone wants the responsibility of vigilance and maintenance. Noone wants to be set apart from their friends and neighbours.

But if you want to keep enjoying the kind of life, the kind of freedom, the kind of self respect and peace you know sobriety brings you - then you also know the price to pay for that.

It's a pretty paltry price tho Reggie - don't do something that destroys you.
Well . No brainer.

It's a pittance to ask really when I look at what my life is like now to what it was like then.

Don't throw that away Reggie - go right back and read your old posts if you need to.

Don't get complacent - get proactive...if you have numbers call them, now...if you have a meeting...go to it.

Post here, read here.

You've come a long way man - don't turn back now
D

JoeCree

yeah it can be tough to miss "some" of the enjoyable times to have a drink. Playoff football is fun with a few beers, nobody will disagree with that.

I have framed it differently than you. YES --- there are certain times the rest of my life i will not be able to enjoy a drink ---- at the moment, daunting as it may seem I would say of the 10 situational times to drink I am down to 8. That means, where I used to drink 10/10 times, I know only crave 8 of those 10 times/situations.

stick with me here.....

As time goes by, those situational times (football being one of them) become easier to deal with without drinking. You never actually "needed" to drink, you just trained yourself to think you did. So by next year this time, I will be down to 3/10 situational times, in other words it gets easier and easier.

I believe in like 3 years from now --- I will have fully recovered myself to where i simply enjoy and live life without alcohol at all: 0/10 situational times.

So while at the moment you think "lifetime" is going to be hard - it is because you are thinking 8/10 situational times every year for the rest of your life --- and that is simply not true. Reality is, it will be hard for the next 1-2 years.. then, once every situational times has all but left your body and mind, and... you have a full understanding of how to be happy with yourself, the thought of "forever" suddenly doesn't seem like such a big deal.

People adapt to all sorts of things, allow yourself to adapt - give it time, you will notice the difference and thank yourself later.

Maryjan

I know how you feel, RW. We all hear that voice, and many of us have relapsed. It might be a week until you **** up, and it might be a year. If you are an alcoholic, it is a matter of time. Go to the bar, have a club soda. Don't drink today, and see how you feel tomorrow. You don't have to decide you are done forever. Just be sober today. You can do it. We are with you.

MsCooterBrown

Reggie..wtf..we need to exorcise that thinking out of your head Mister. You are romancing only what you THINK were the good times. Don't toss out all your sober time over a football game. One beer becomes a 12 pack a night..then boom there you are back in the cycle. Remember your worst drunk..your worst hangover..your worst agony that was brought on by drinking and don't let that go. You have two sides..your sober side and your alcoholic side and it is at WAR now. Kick it's @ss. Hang in there Reggie. You know the cycle. One of these times you may not make it back again to the sober side.

NYCDoglvr

If anyone had told me I could never drink again, I would have gotten drunk immediately!

It's only today you don't drink. Don't think about yesterday or tomorrow, you only have to get through today.

MsCooterBrown

"When I quit I was drinking a lot of whiskey. At the present, I just want to kick back and watch some football with a few beers. "

This is the other part...it kinda sounds like you are using twisted thinking here too...like whiskey is bad. Beer is better for you. It all boils down to drunk. Eventually drunk.

yeahgr8

I was only too glad when someone told me that i would never have to drink again if i did some work on myself...

If you had told me that 5 years ago it would have been different, i wouldn't have been able to imagine life without drinking, not for long anyway, and i wouldn't have stayed sober for long...

I needed a few more consequences before i was ready to really listen to anyone trying to help me or be willing to do anything to not have to keep drinking...

I know one thing for sure though and that is anyone can recover from alcoholism at anytime by doing the work required...and if the motivation is there that person will do the work and recover...

Like i am sure you have heard many times already meetings won't keep most people sober for long, that is if they are alcoholics, gotta do the work quick whilst the enthusiasm for sobriety is there...

LexieCat

Sounds to me like you are powerless over that urge to drink. Any sane person who had experienced the problems you have with alcohol (and I know nothing about your story, personally--only that you are here) would not even entertain the idea.

This is what's known as alcoholic insanity. It isn't a negative judgment of you, it's just a dispassionate observation. If you've never read the jaywalker story in the Big Book, this might be a good time. No matter how many times the dude gets hit while indulging his fondness for his little hobby of trying to outrace moving vehicles, he keeps doing it.

Nobody here can talk you out of it. If you feel that you lack the power, you might want to hit an AA meeting.

nogard

Don't listen to the you can have one stuff, get up and do something, go to a meeting and snarl at everyone, at least your there, phone friends ....

hang in there

ChangeIsGood123

yes, many people do drink and live normal lives. But do you? That is them, that is not you. I see your thinking because I have been there. "Oh, yeah I can go and have a few". Guess what I cant. And think, really think about it - do you really only want those "few"?? When I seriously stop and think hard about it, I know I dont only want those few. I would want more and more. Play it out to the end and I think you can see how it will turn out. Dont do it!

Anna

Reggie, you don't need to do listen to the addict voice. It's there, you can acknowleldge it, and let it go.

bigbook

It is a lot of work, adding alcohol to the equation will only make that more difficult.

SSIL75

Know that if you recognize this as the alcoholic voice and ignore it then the next time it'll be easier (and easier.. and easier).

reggiewayne

Thanks everyone for you inspirational posts. I did not / will not drink. I know I quit for a reason (not because I was having a "couple of beers". I quit because I was bed ridden the day after drinking, because it was dominating my life, because it was negatively impacting my relationships, etc... If I am OK drinking a "couple of beers" I think I would have done that already and not fallen into hopelessness so many times.

Your posts really helped. Not that it's on "you" to prevent me from drinking, but it helped very much.... Another day down, 44 to be exact! I hope and pray that tomorrow may be better. I do know that drinking today would not have made tomorrow better. It would have been worse, no question about it.

Spawn

just a question?

if alcohol is a problem for you why are you around it?

julez

ReggieWayne, I had a tough day with it today. My alcoholic voice was talking to me like an ice pick in my ear. "It" was telling me that I didn't get into trouble drinking until I started to drink to escape from my stress. So it must be ok to drink, as long as it was social, and chill, and not to self medicate, or hide from my feelings. YEAH RIGHT!!!!
I listened to that voice, rationalized with it, debated with it, and finally realized, WTF!! Theres no arguing with it! No means NO!! lol
So here I sit, at 9:15 on a Saturday night, happy to be sober. Im able to play cards with my son, go pick my daughter up from a friends, and have a productive day tomorrow.

LaFemme

Glad you made it today. I think all points were covered especially by MsCB

I find it helpful to embrace sobriety...thinking...thank God, I am sograteful for my sobriety and the joy that comes with it...is a better outlook than thinking....woe is me, I can't believe I can't ever have a drink. Again.

A positive inner dialogue really helps

Kjell

Ok Reggie, you mentioned going to a meeting. I'm assuming you're in AA then, right?

Let's get to it then. You've prob not completed the steps if you're still having a mental obssesion to drink, right?

What step are you on? What's your sponsor say about this?